Page 51

She recognized the look on the doctor’s face. She had seen it once before.
It was clear that she was going to die again.
She laid her hand on Damien’s fist on the recliner next to her. The guy was so nervous he was shaking.
“The disease has come back,” the doctor remarked. “Yes, the tumor is cancerous.”
Lena’s breath fled her lungs.
“What!” Damien’s voice, full of amazement, broke her heart.
The last time she was in this same doctor’s office, getting the same news, she had a twisted, terrible desire to uncover all the answers and enjoy the chance to die.
Lena realized that she was missing that now.
Giving forgiveness had made her feel better. Then, after a long adoption procedure, bringing Dave into her life added color to it.
Her job also did well.
She had finished a few books.
Lena loved her life today and everything this lovely planet had to give her.
She had a lot to lose this time.
And this time, she had to deal with the fact that she was getting less of what she wanted the most.
*****
Years went by…
From Lena’s bedroom window, the water appeared huge. It was big, blue, and never-ending, just like the fight she had been having to stay alive for five years.
Dave slept soundly next to her, with the window between them.
The youngster was fatigued when he got home from school.
Lena gently ran her fingers over the silken hair of her tiny child. She thought about how quickly he had grown up as she looked at his sleeping face.
When she heard the doorbell ring, she got up slowly and tried to arrange her short hair as best she could with her hands. She liked this length more now, even if they had grown back.
When her cancer came back and they started giving her treatment again, all of her hair fell off. She was bald again. But then doctors told her that this time, there was a 98% probability that the side effects of the chemotherapy would kill her faster than the disease. Her body couldn’t handle the same stress twice. Even though she was quite confident and worked hard, she was basically out of energy. If she was lucky or obeyed all the guidelines they gave her, like the Bible, they thought she would live for around five to 10 years.
So, she decided to live without the pain of chemotherapy.
She found out that it was Kellen who opened the door. But she wasn’t shocked.
It was normal for him to show up a couple of times a month.
She understood it would be hard for him to get his firm back on track once it went through bankruptcy. But he would still make time to go all the way to Velden from South Hills.
“When did you get to Velden?” she inquired, moving aside to let him enter.
He went in and smiled at her, but it wasn’t a full grin. “Right now,” he said.
He strolled in and sat down on the couch, and she followed him.
“Did you eat lunch?” she said.
He shook his head, and she stood up again. “Then let me bring you some food.”
He quickly said no, “You don’t have to—”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to cook,” she remarked as she opened the fridge door. “Damien made enough food for at least three days and put it in my fridge when he dropped Dave off.”
“Is the paperwork done?” Kellen said as he got up and ran to Lena to assist her in heating up the meal in the microwave, even though she didn’t want him to. “Please let me,” he said. “You should go sit down—”
She tsked to show her disgust. “I won’t die from doing a few chores around the house—”
“Lena!” he yelled, stopping what he was doing. His body was tense all throughout. His eyebrows knit together, and a storm descended over his gaze.
She didn’t think he would take it so seriously. Not only Kellen but everyone around her would go crazy as she said the name of holy death. She thought she was that close to the end.
“Don’t you dare say things like that again!”
After he yelled, she looked at him for a little longer than she needed to and then sighed. The microwave made a noise.
When they sat down to dine, Lena answered Kellen’s previous inquiry about the papers. “It’s almost done. Damien and Ashley are going to be Dave’s parents. It was the right choice for him to live with them most of the time since I was diagnosed again. Dave will be fine.”
Lena held her heart and smiled sadly. She could depart in peace since she knew Dave was in good care.
Kellen was eating like a robot. He looked down.
Lena saw a drop of water run down his eyelid and hover there for a few long minutes before falling where his fingers met the spoon he was holding.
She wanted to wipe away all the tears from his skin with all her heart. But she didn’t.
Most of her preparations were finished.
Any day now. Any day.
She would be held by the angel of death with its icy, unbreakable grip.
She really wanted to live, but she could feel it in her bones that she wouldn’t be able to prevent it this time.
******
The roses on her bed were precisely what she wanted. The white sheets and pillow under her were the same color as her skin. She seemed like she was one with the color as she lay there.
She was also quite thin. Her lower eyelids looked empty and purple. Her hands were together on her stomach.
Kellen saw that her fingers were almost as big as chopsticks.
It appeared like she was having a good night’s sleep.
But was she really?
He couldn’t shake the startling notion.
“L—Lena, are you sleeping?” he asked out in a quivering voice. He shook her gently and prayed that she would be well.
Lena stopped eating this month. She couldn’t hold food in her stomach, so they fed her by putting a pipe down her nose.
The physicians had told her that her time was over. And even if they hadn’t, Lena’s state would be enough to infer it. Her condition was becoming worse very quickly.
Kellen shook her again. This time, his blood pressure went up because he was stressed. All of a sudden, his eyes were crimson.
Oh God! What was he going to do?
But suddenly, their eyes opened and blinked. “Idiot, I’m still alive,” she exclaimed in a voice that was nearly too much to bear.
He couldn’t help but put his head on her bony shoulder and cry.
She attempted to call him by name, “Kellen,” and laid a delicate, icy palm on the back of his neck. “You need to stop falling apart like this. You need to stay strong and go on with your life after—”
A hiss of his breath in outrage stopped her from finishing her words.
Kellen held the bed sheet tightly in his grasp. He couldn’t do what she wanted him to do.
He could still breathe because he knew that no matter what their relationship status was, he would be allowed to see her again. She had already decided not to be involved with him romantically for an unknown period of time. They would both be on the same planet.
But now she was taking him to a place where he wouldn’t be able to see her again. And the day when he would finally lose her would arrive, whether it was today or any other day.
And then, the day arrived.
It was time for them to finally say goodbye, like a calm, cold, black beast coming straight from hell.
He could see her fading away through the fuzzy, wet curtain over his eyes.
He could feel her skin and bones in his gentlest touch. There was nothing left of her body. And she looked like she had suddenly fallen asleep all of a sudden. He had never heard a softer hiccup than her final breath.
He and all of her pals thought it was strange that the clouds had started to rain for a while.
Kellen thought about if it had poured like this when she was born. Lena had a strange, fatal connection with rain her whole childhood.