Page 14

The Price of Freedom

Gabin backed élise into a corner. “You left with him?” he sneered.

“He offered coin, Gabin,” she said, pleading with her eyes.

“We haven’t had coin in a long time. Everything has been through barter.

I—I thought you would be proud of me. All I did was show him where to find bandages and ointments.

” She doubted his approval would follow but hoped it would cushion his blow.

He raised his hand, and she flinched at the pending hit. But at the sound of footsteps, he clamped his hand around her jaw and squeezed instead. “What if he was an informant, élise? You could have endangered us all.”

Her head shook back and forth in his grip while her mind raced through every exchange with Rollant, searching for hints of danger, but there were none. Gabin was wrong, yet he always made her believe she was.

Those who had gathered glanced away or watched with cold indifference.

“I wouldn’t have—” she began.

“You are a stupid little dove. Now go upstairs and wash his grime off of you. Don’t bother joining us tonight.

You’ll have to pull a double shift in the morning.

” He shoved her head back, smashing her body into the corner.

The evil sneer of jealousy burned green in his hazel eyes. There would be no talking sense to him.

She squirmed from the corner and headed for the stairs, unable to meet any of the gathering crowd’s eyes for fear of feeding rumors or the lies Gabin would tell them about her and the newcomer.

He had a reputation to regain after the last meeting.

She hoped it went well, for maybe she wouldn’t have to endure such a harsh beating that night.

Her feet pounded the stairs. She slammed the door behind her and immediately regretted it. Gabin would remember that and give her due punishment. She had to tread lightly and keep her mouth shut to minimize the bruises.

She fell into the bed in the cramped room that reflected her limited existence. Her knees curled to her chest, and tears ran freely down her cheeks.

“Curse this day,” she rasped. She had been a fool.

Hope was a luxury she couldn’t afford, making every day harder to survive.

She had allowed Rollant to invade her thoughts against her better judgment.

He would leave her like everyone else except Gabin.

Rollant would never return. He was a fire that would never warm her, yet she had reached out and burned herself.

Her cold life felt even colder against the memory of his kindness. She had no one to blame but herself.

Yet, it was too much of a burden to bear on her own.

She did not believe in God, yet in her despair, she cried to him in a hushed whimper. “Why did you let him come here, of all places? Of all the places in Paris. Do you hate me?” Her tears burned the back of her throat.

“It would have been better if I had never met him.” The day flashed through her mind: he listened to her, answered all her questions, was kind and gentle, was restrained, fed her without expectation, gave her coin to help her with a future she may never have.

Her heart ached at what Rollant represented.

“He won’t be back. Why would he come back?” She smudged her tears against the moist flesh of her cheek. “I can’t live this life knowing there could be something more.”

Her hot whispers fell in the space between her knees and lips.

“I survived in my ignorance. Living here with Gabin was bearable and predictable. But these two weeks have been miserable thinking of the possibility of Rollant, and now, all those possibilities have been confirmed.” Her breath hitched in her throat.

“Why? Why do this to me?” She turned to her stomach and buried her head in the pillow, ashamed she had talked to an empty room. “Why do this to myself?”

At least her belly was full, fuller than it had ever been. For a small moment in her life, Rollant had shown her what it was like in a world where kindness was not born out of favor and power was not wielded with savagery. The glimpse of life in that world was a crueler torment than Gabin’s fists.

Her thumb caressed her fingers, remembering Rollant’s touch. Just as she hoped for freedom, equality, and food for all, Rollant would be a part of that hope shining out of her dark life. She brought her finger to her lips and pressed a soft kiss at all the ideals he could be.

“I will remember you too, Rollant.”