Page 17 of The Darkest Knight (The Cursed Kingdom #3)
Chapter Seventeen
A shift of sorts caused Niall to lose his balance. He managed to stumble a couple of steps without falling. The spell. It must have been the right one. Now he couldn’t leave. Not only that, but he didn’t know what would happen next.
Could it be true? Was he free from the alter-world. No. It had been too easy.
Not only that, but his wounds revealed that Devina’s effects would linger and follow him. Niall slumped against the wall, he held up his hands and studied them as if seeing them for the first time.
He didn’t feel any different, neither tired nor rested, but what he could only describe as normal. There did seem to be a grounding of sorts. Other times when he’d come to this world, it was as if he’d not felt connected.
The sensation was totally different this time, which signaled that perhaps he was stuck here in this world. How was it possible? His curse required things that had not happened. He didn’t have a family there. His blood went cold. Was it possible Tamara was with child?
The emotions that battled were hard to grasp. Instead of feeling relief, dread lingered. How was it possible that after so many years he was to return to life in Scotland? There had been so many changes. To him it would be as unbelievable as when he’d first been trapped in the alter world. Everything had changed.
Fear overtook to the point that he almost collapsed to his knees. He would have no choice. If this was to be his new world, then he would have to adapt. Easier said than done.
Pushing the tall glass panes open, Niall went out to the balcony, closed his eyes and inhaled. His heart thundered against his breast as questions and emotions continued to swirl in his mind.
Scotland had always been home. The smell of it had not changed over the years. Earthy, lush, and green, the view from the balcony filled him with a mixture of peace and sorrow.
What was he to do now? Scanning the surrounding lands, he saw the cottage that they’d prepared for him. Was that to be his life now?
If Tamara was not with child, he would have to send her away. Tell her to return to her land, back to where she’d lived. The truth of how deeply he felt for her meant he would miss her terribly. The fact that he’d fallen in love with her made him even more resolved to push her away.
Theirs was a doomed relationship. He would not subject her to a marriage with a man that could not sleep for fear of being tortured and one day taken by another woman, whether demon or not. How could he face Tamara after lying with Devina?
At the sound of throat clearing, he turned to see that Tamara had returned. She gave him a quizzical look as if she’d expected that he’d be gone.
Then he felt it, the pull to the other realm. His spirits sank, he wasn’t truly free now, but something had definitely changed.
He was still there but seemed just as resolute to keep her at arm’s length. Tammie had enough of trying to guess what the man thought; she was at her wits end with the onslaught of emotions that came whenever she and Niall were together. No matter the depth of physical intimacy they shared, she didn’t know him any better than the day they’d met. Could not read his expressions or sense his emotions. His walls were up again, completely repaired from where she managed to chip away at them, even a little.
She studied his wide back as he leaned over the railing outside the French doors. He looked away from her toward the horizon.
He might as well be a million miles away, the distance between them so vast.
Tammie could only watch him while he struggled with his inner demons. Finally, she stepped out of the bedroom and stood next to him.
Without expression or emotion, his gaze flicked over her. He looked away ignoring her.
“I wish you would share your thoughts with me,” Tammie told him, studying his handsome profile. “You are always so careful to ensure a distance between yourself and others. Is there something I can do? Something I can say to get you to understand that I want to help you. I will listen to whatever it is, no matter how terrible, without judging or even trying to give advice. Sometimes all someone needs is to have a person listen.”
She placed her hand on his forearm. He flinched but didn’t move away. Nonetheless, his slight movement may as well have been a slap across her face.
Tamara removed her hand from his arm and dropped it to her side. Not sure what to do, part of her wanted to run, to leave, return to Georgia. But the other part, the glutton for punishment part, wanted to keep trying.
She was the only one who could free him. But why should she continue to help this man who refused to help himself?
Should she just give up?
He turned to face her, his eyes vacant. “I don’t know how to make you understand, Tamara, I can’t ever have a normal life. I won’t ever be free. To me, remaining in the enchantment means that I will eventually gain my freedom. Eventually when our time is up, I will die. It is only in death that I will ever truly be a free man.”
“I don’t understand. What is keeping you from being free and coming here?” Tammie asked him, desperation caused her voice to pitch. “You don’t have to stay with me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to remain with me.”
At his lack of response, she lost her temper. “Maybe you’re just not capable of loving.”
Niall’s darkened eyes locked with hers, his nostrils flared. His body shook as if he struggled to remain calm. “Are you with child?”
She shook her head. “No it is not possible.”
His visible relief made her cringe, but then his next words tore into her like a knife.
“Finally you state the truth. I am not capable of love, I am not capable of caring.” He clenched his jaw. The muscle on the side of his face pulsed.
Tammie took a step back and held her hands up. “Don’t say something you’ll regret Niall, I’m warning you.”
His gaze did not waiver from hers. The caring she’d seen just minutes earlier when they’d kissed and held each other was completely gone. The man who stood before her was a complete stranger.
He didn’t care for her. The acknowledgement was like a punch to her stomach.
If he noticed her distress, he didn’t demonstrate it, his stance firm, hands clenched at his sides.
“I can assure you of one thing Tamara; I do not care for you or ever will be capable of loving you.”
The slice of pain seared like a hot poker as it cut through her. She stumbled back a couple of steps before gaining enough balance to go to the door. Blindly, she ran down the stairs and made it out past the living room and straight outside. Gulping for air, she stood in the garden, holding on to the short wall, waiting for the dizziness to subside.
“That bastard,” she ground out. “I can’t believe I love him.” Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. This was it, the end of everything. She was done, and more than anything, needed to get away from him. Away from Scotland.
Perhaps it was what her mother had tried to save her from, the worst heartbreak of her life.
While she paced, a light drizzle began to fall. She was glad for it, preferring it to a brighter sunny day. After a few moments, she made two decisions. She’d never speak to or see Niall MacTavish again, and she’d go home.
She entered the house and went directly to the library. Once there, she went to the desk and started the laptop. Tammie prayed as she typed in the familiar website. Let there be a flight that leaves first thing in the morning. Her mother was right. She should have never come to Scotland.
“What’s wrong?” Gwen entered the room, a concerned crinkle between her brows. “Have you been crying?”
Tammie nodded. “Yes, I have been bawling my eyes out over that no-good asshole man. And you know what? I’m done, I’m leaving.”
Her fingers tapped away as she began to enter the information, her blurry vision making it hard to see the screen.
“Tammie, you can’t leave like this. You’re too upset. If Niall refuses to be rescued, then he’s probably returned to the alter-world by now. He won’t return here. Come.” Gwen took her hand and pulled her gently to her feet. “Let’s talk.”
Talk was obviously something she wasn’t prepared to do. When she opened her mouth to repeat Niall’s cruel words to her sister, she began crying again. Gwen held her, patting her back, telling her all would be all right.
Tammie sat back, accepting a tissue her sister seemed to keep handy. She blew into it, took another one, and wiped at her eyes. “You know the worst part?” A loud sniff interrupted her confession. “I think I’m in love with him. I am in love with a guy that would rather die than be with me!” She fell back against the armrest. “How could I let this happen? I’m an idiot.”
“I’m so sorry,” Gwen told her, “You’re not an idiot. I just can’t understand why he said those hurtful things. It’s not like him. Niall has always been distant, but from what Tristan says, he rarely said a cross word to them in all those years.”
“Well, I guess I brought out the worst in him,” Tammie replied, huffing indignantly. “I bring out the jerk in men.”
“Oh honey, no you don’t.” Gwen smiled at her, trying to reassure her.
“I need to return to Atlanta, throw myself into my art, and forget about him.” Tammie told Gwen looking back towards the laptop.
“Wait a couple of days at least,” Gwen said. “Let’s talk it out with Sabrina. At least stay long enough to say goodbye.”
“Fine,” Tammie grunted, “but don’t mention his name, don’t talk to me about him and if he reappears, I will not be held responsible if I bash his fool head in.”
Her entire body seized, it was as if she’d touched a high voltage wire. Gwen leaned toward her, eyes wide. “What is it?”
“I ... I don’t know. But someone needs my help.” Tammie closed her eyes to concentrate.