Page 34 of The Dangers of Daydreaming (Love Connections #2)

Somehow, things between us seemed like so much more than two people who had just reconnected barely ten or eleven days ago.

There appeared to be more to our relationship, and this situation had made it seem like we were more important to each other than we were.

In some alternate universe, I would have been going into that hospital with him, hugging his grandma, kissing his grandpa’s cheek.

Being there for him like I wanted to be, but didn’t feel like I had the right to because all I really was, when it came down to it, was a girl he’d taken on one date.

My imagination may have gotten away with me and made me feel like I was more, or could be more, but the reality was what it was. One date. No more than that.

This was why I preferred books. There was always a happily ever after around the corner, no matter how gut-wrenching a scene might be.

But there was no guaranteed happily ever after here. Not for Finn’s grandpa, or Finn and me.

I blinked back tears, pushing them aside but not disregarding them because somehow, even with all the pain and confusion, I didn’t want to be driving back to the inn alone right now. I wanted the alternate universe.

Lights from other cars flashed past me with the same sudden illumination I was experiencing internally. This wanting to dive headfirst into the pai n for the sake of the people involved was unexpected. I’d been avoiding the hard stuff. For years now, when life gave me a painful plot twist, I’d run.

Like when my parents broke the news of their impending divorce to me, and the first thing I did was hop on my bike and ride down the street to my cousin’s house.

When Michael broke up with me, and the first thing I did was solo road-tripped to southern Utah.

Like when my mom said they were moving up the wedding.

Or when she first told me she was engaged.

I didn’t even like when big, bad events that didn’t affect me happened.

How many times had I not been there for a cousin going through a breakup or a job loss?

How many times had I dropped off cookies at a friend's house who was going through a rough time, but had made sure not to ring the doorbell so I wouldn’t have to talk about it with them.

I was a jerk.

I was not one of those nice heroines in my stories.

Oh my gosh, I was a complete and total shallow jerk.

Yeah, real life wasn’t always better than fiction.

Sometimes it was really crappy, but had my desire to avoid all of that made me miss out on real human connection like what Finn and I had?

I’d missed out on giving grace and empathy.

I’d missed out on getting to know the real people behind my “adversaries” and “supporting characters.” My mom, my coworkers, even my cousins—I’d kept them all at arms’ length.

Maybe, in the end, my lack of commitment to the “for better or worse” had been what made Michael end things.

I parked the car outside the inn and leaned my head back, pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes.

I needed to help Finn through this, but more than that, I needed to reach out to all those people in my life with whom I had been living half a relationship.

I needed to be there for them, and that meant I needed to talk to my m om.

I needed to get to know the guy she was marrying, and to get behind this step in her life.

I grabbed my phone, scrolling through previously ignored messages.

They’d been piling up for days, but that had always been my way.

I’d told myself I was too busy to respond, only answering on my timeframe.

But that wasn’t the truth. I was just not willing to commit to the emotional load that came from giving my all in a relationship.

One from my mom. I’d call her back, she deserved a call.

Several in the cousin chat. A picture of Chloe and her boyfriend, Holt. Poppy saying she’d sold seven copies of Dani’s book that day. A handful of others. I sent messages back in response to them all, taking the time to make sure each was sincere and thought out.

And then there was one from Ellie.

Ellie: I just got notice that your flight was cancelled. We’ve rebooked you for the evening before, I’m emailing over the confirmation information now.

I stared down at the screen until it turned black.

My little time left had just been cut by almost twenty-four hours, which meant that much less time to finalize my presentation and plans, to come up with something to elevate the entire pitch, and to enjoy the place that was the birth of my very favorite character and book series.

That was everything that should have been going through my mind, but instead, all I could think about was Finn. Twenty-four hours less time to be with him and help him. Is there anything I could do before I had to leave that would help?

Staying wasn’t an option. I had to admit that the thought crossed my mind—a great, grand gesture moment where, instead of getting on the plane, I decided to stay and be with him.

But that stuff didn’t happen in reality.

In reality, I had to keep my job. In reality, we’d only kissed a couple of times. You don’t throw a life away on that.

But I still wanted to do something. Even with all the work-related things weighing down on me, I knew they could wait for something more important—for Finn.

I just had to come up with—wait. I remembered a conversation we’d had a few days ago. It was a small thing… but what if it would help?

Even if only a little bit, it was worth it.