Page 19 of The Cruel Highlander’s Healer (Highlanders’ Feisty Brides #1)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

W hat happens if I lie with this man?

A moment of doubt flickered through her mind. If she went through with this, if people found out and the Laird did not court her, she would be ruined. But surely he would not have done that to her, would not have feasted upon her from like a man starved if he had no intention of courting her.

She pushed herself up onto her elbows, staring at Conall. His eyes locked on hers, their dark depths glinting at her in the dark. All at once, her doubt was driven from her mind, replaced by a hot, pulsing need in the very center of her being.

Eliza reached for him, ready to guide him onto the bed with shaking hands. She was ready. She knew that without a shadow of a doubt.

His brows dipped together, the skin around his eyes going tight. With a purse of his lips, the doubt that had been within her just moments before flared anew, this time larger and louder than it had ever been.

“Conall?” she asked, unable to hide the hurt lingering in her tone.

He shook his head as if to clear it and then pushed away from her. Eliza’s cheeks flared from embarrassment, her stomach bottoming out as she watched Conall stand and take two steps away from her.

“I shouldnae have done that,” he said, his voice thick with regret.

It took a moment for the word to sink in. But when they did, Eliza had to blink rapidly to banish the tears that sprang to her eyes.

“What do ye mean?” she asked, shame rushing through her.

Her words were wrought with it, conflicting emotions were warring inside of her. The most damning of all, though, was hope.

Hope that he didn’t mean what he just said. Hope that she had misheard him. Hope for a thousand things that would make her laying naked before Laird Conall Shaw of MacKinnon moments after he’d just tasted her most sacred parts less unbearable.

But hope would not win out.

“I was weak,” he continued, driving his point home. “I should have had more strength than to fall upon ye the moment I saw ye undressed. I should have had the strength to place the food and leave. I apologize.”

His words were hollow; each one felt like a knife being driven directly into the center of her chest.

As he spoke, Eliza had begun shaking her head. She couldn’t make sense of it all. What did he mean he shouldn’t have done it?

The entire act had felt so beautiful, so magical. The pleasure of it had been one of the best things that Eliza had ever felt in her entire life.

How could she feel such shame over something like that?

But she did. That much was true. Her stomach was going sour with it, bile and regret rising into the back of her throat.

The tears that had been dancing along the edge of her lashes finally fell. Sitting entirely, she wiped the back of her hand across her cheeks angrily.

“Why did ye do it, then?” she asked, her voice filled with rancid bitterness.

Conall simply repeated the words he’d given moments before, each syllable sounding more hollow than the last.

“I was weak.”

It was anger that she felt next, acrid as it washed over her. Anger like she’d never quite felt before.

She pushed herself to standing, snatching the nightgown off of the bed as she did. Her hands shook as she grabbed the garment, lifting it over her head and allowing it to fall around her body.

“I am sorry.”

Conall’s words were bitter as they flickered through the air around her, and she began to shake with rage. She whirled on him, angry tears flowing freely now.

“Aye, ye should be,” she hissed, swiping once more at her wet cheeks. “How dare ye do that to me? Let me guess, ye have nay plans to court me after ye… after we… after that ?”

She threw a hand behind her, pointing to the bed where he had just feasted upon her. She said nothing else, her chest heaving as she glared at him.

Conall shook his head. Eliza didn’t need him to elaborate further, didn’t need to hear the words that she knew would only to continue to ignite the fury burning her from the inside out. But he spoke anyways.

“I cannae.” There was a note to his voice, something more than regret that Eliza could not place.

But she didn’t care what he was feeling. Not in that moment. Not when a portion of her maidenhood lay soiled on the mattress behind them. Not when she’d given herself to him, and would have done worse.

She would have given herself to him in the way that only a wife should. She would have done it, she knew she would.

Never had Eliza wanted to strike someone. But her hands balled into fists at her side of their own accord.

“Ye are a coward.” She hurled the words at him, announcing each and every syllable so that he would not miss a single bit of what she was saying. “Ye should have been a better man. Ye should have been…”

A low, menacing growl echoed within Conall’s chests. He was in front of her in two quick, strong strides, glaring down into her face.

The fabric of her nightgown was pressed against her thighs as she brushed against the mattress. But that was as far as she could go.

“I should have been what?” he growled, staring down at her with anger and something like shame shining in his own gaze.

“Ye should have nae been a brute,” Eliza hissed, refusing to back down.

They stared at each other, chests heaving and breath mingling. The tension between them was palpable, neither of them daring to move an inch.

Eliza did not know how long they stood like that. It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes. All Eliza knew was that she would not be the first to back down from whatever was occurring within that room.

Finally, his breath left him in a huff and Conall turned on his heels. Wordlessly, he stormed across the room and to the door.

There was a blast of noise as it was opened, letting in the laughter and babbling of the crowd in the restaurant below. And then it was slammed shut, launching Eliza into relative silence once more.

Her tears had stopped flowing, replaced by anger and self-loathing as she sat on the edge of the bed.

The sky beyond the windows was turning dark, the only light to be seen were the last dying rays of the day, streaking the horizon with orange.

It’ll be dark, soon.

She glanced around the room. There was no lantern within it, and soon she would be unable to see.

But Eliza did not care. She did not want to see. Did not need to see as she climbed into the bed and pulled the blankets tight around herself.

Eliza did not need to see to be able to think. And think was all that she wanted to do. Think about all the many regrets that she had, and how she wished that she could go back and undo it all.

She had allowed herself to be caught up in the moment. Had allowed the sin of desire to run rampant within her flesh. But that would not happen again, she promised herself.

No, tomorrow she would greet the dawn and the Laird. She would go back to the castle and care for the children. And when her two weeks were up, she would take the money the Laird was going to pay her and return to the forest where she belonged.

Then, she would never think of the Beast of the MacKinnons again.