Page 78

Hawk

I rose silently, eyeing the others as I stepped away from the rest of the team .

My heart pounded, mind racing as I moved to the edge of the forest, where I could see into the blue-lit darkness and take in the bobbing orbs.

Souls. Arms crossed, I kept an eye on either end of the road.

Even though we were hidden here, it still felt like we were exposed.

I couldn’t get her words out of my head.

Leave her if anything happens . Rage boiled deep within me, rage I knew I had no right to.

Not when I’d done everything to keep her away, to stop myself from getting close.

Back when there was the academy and boundaries, I’d been able to hold her at a distance.

But here, there was nothing but me getting in the way of doing what I knew I had to.

And that was part of the problem .

I shook my head, though my eyes darted to her.

She sat with her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, and head resting on her forearms. It didn’t look comfortable at all, but she’d shrugged off all offers of being held by the others.

I could tell the weight of her words, her demand, suffocated not only her—but everyone else.

As if feeling my stare, Ivy looked up, her eyes finding mine. A frown played at her lips; lips I wished I could taste at least once. But that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. She didn’t deserve to be played with, to have her heart broken when I inevitably walked away.

I fully intended on getting her the crown. The skull. The entire fucking world if I had to. But I still couldn’t bring myself to give her the one thing she really needed.

Ivy’s shoulders slumped as she looked between me and the others. I had a feeling they weren’t asleep, either. Not like anyone could really rest, except for Kingsley. He looked like shit, and I was pretty sure the only thing getting him through this was the few hours of sleep he managed to steal.

But I watched, breath catching in my throat, as Ivy rose.

There was no hesitance in the way she rolled her shoulders back and stalked towards me.

I already had a feeling I knew where this conversation would go, and I mentally prepared myself to disappoint her again.

To prove exactly why I wasn’t worthy of her.

Why the only times I saw her were in my dreams, where I couldn’t see the hurt in her eyes, where I didn’t risk breaking her heart over and over again.

I was a weak fucking male. She made me want to fall to my knees. Made me want to pull her further down the creepy fucking road to give her exactly what she wanted. Claim her with not just my magic, but brand her like a demon, and share my power with her .

But as soon as the thought entered my mind, she came to a stop in front of me, and the desire to claim her quickly vanished. Her dark eyes lifted to meet mine. For the first time in a while, she hid her emotions from me.

“We need to talk before anything goes down,” she murmured, throat bobbing. Even if I couldn’t read her emotions, I already knew where this conversation was headed.

I cocked my head, keeping my arms crossed. “No need, Princess,” I replied. “You’re going to ask me about the bond, I’m just going to give you some vague answer about not wanting it, and then you’re going to get mad and walk away.”

Her cheeks bloomed with anger as her eyes narrowed on me. There were a whole lot of other reasons why I wanted to see her cheeks pink, and it wasn’t because she was mad at me.

“You really know how to push someone away. Must be your superpower, Hawk,” she replied, voice stiff.

“But no. That wasn’t exactly why I was coming here to talk to you.

” She spared a glance over her shoulder at the others, fully aware that our conversation was being listened to.

I doubted Grey or Beckham could keep their noses out of her business, even if they tried.

Ivy huffed, walking around me without another word. She didn’t even need to tell me to follow her; I did so like a pathetic, lovesick fool. I would have never considered myself a slave to my emotions, bound by my heart and led by love.

And yet here I was, following her deeper into the creepy forest, without a word or a fight.

I might not have accepted the bond, might not be willing to claim her, but I sure as hell acted just like the rest of them .

Even the new fucker couldn’t help but fall into her orbit. Had probably done so the moment he laid eyes on her. And no one would blame him. Hell, if it were him being led into the forest now, I had a feeling he would accept the bond without any fuss or further explanation.

That made the jealousy worse, and it was yet another emotion I had no right to.

Ivy came to a stop and turned on me, though she wouldn’t meet my eye.

“Look, I know you don’t want the bond, even though the others think you should just suck it up and accept it.

” Her eyes flickered to mind briefly as she gritted her teeth.

“But I won’t force you. I don’t want to be with you, just as much as you don’t want to be with me. I’m accepting that.”

Her words should have brought me some relief. Should have made me feel lighter.

And yet I only felt a pit open up within me. “Ivy?—”

She held up a hand, stopping me. “No, let me finish,” she murmured, the hard facade cracking.

“I don’t know why you don’t want the bond.

If it’s a problem you have with bonds, or if it’s a problem you have with me .

But I am done fighting. I am done hoping that you might change your mind.

Done wishing things could be different. But I really, really hate feeling like I’ve done something wrong.

I know I haven’t. As much as I wish we could start over, that maybe we could at least be friends, I know that isn’t possible.

I know that if anything happens tomorrow, I won’t get the chance to say this. ”

Her eyes found mine finally, and I took a step towards her. I wanted to pull her into my arms. I wanted to do all the comforting things I’d seen the others do with her.

I finally wanted to stop running, and yet I couldn’t.

There was still something within me resisting her. Resisting the idea of being bonded.

But not to her, I realised. If I could have her, I would take her now.

“Once we get out of here—if we do, that is—I’ll find a way to destroy our bond.

To make it so we aren’t mates anymore, if that’s what you want,” she said, her voice stronger, despite the heartbreak playing in her eyes.

“I don’t want you to be with me because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do, or because you feel obligated.

I don’t want any of that, Hawk. I don’t want you by my side because you feel like you have to be.

And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t love me . ”

My mouth opened, but I couldn’t find the words. Couldn’t come up with any sort of witty response or deflection. Because she had every right to be feeling this way. To feel like she had to…reject me.

I swallowed hard. “That’s not what I want, Princess.”

Her face crumpled. “Then what do you want, Hawk? Because you don’t want me! You don’t want the bond! You keep changing your mind?—”

There were tears forming in her eyes, and something cracked within me.

It took me two steps to reach her, to take her in my arms. Ivy gasped when I pulled her into my chest, at the hand that went to her cheek.

There was nothing I could say, because words had been my fucking enemy, so I did the only thing I thought I could do.

Pink bloomed across her cheeks, different from the angry heat from before.

Surprise brightened her eyes as I dipped my head. Our noses brushed, and I felt the moment she stopped breathing. “Hawk…”

But I didn’t respond, instead claiming her sweet lips with mine.

Ivy made a sound in the back of her throat.

I waited for her to shove me off. To blast me with her lightning and run back to the others.

She stiffened in my arms, hands pressed against my chest, against my racing heart—a heart that pounded for her.

Fuck, she felt amazing, tasted better than I ever could have imagined. And when she melted in my arms, matching my kiss with one of her own, I could have exploded right there.

Ivy pressed in closer, giving me the chance to feel every inch of her; the swell of her breasts beneath the tight-fitting gear. Her hands as they moved up to wind around my neck, bringing us closer, holding me like I might run away.

And fuck, I didn’t want to.

I wanted to enjoy every second of her. To taste every inch of her mouth, her body. To place my brand right over her heart and forget everything else. To ignore the way my body tried to resist her, even when it was possible that she could be mine. That it wasn’t too late.

My cock hardened in my pants, swelling with the thought of her.

Of her body undressed and writhing beneath me.

My mouth all over her, lapping at her pussy as she came over and over again on my tongue.

As she took my cock not just inside her, but with her pretty little hands, between her soft fucking lips.

Fuck . I’d imagined what it would be like to kiss her, to finally feel her against me. And those dreams didn’t live up to reality.

I deepened the kiss despite the pressure building in my chest, and the small voice in the back of my head telling me to stop. To walk away. To not give in to her.

But I was lost to the feel of her, to the way my magic purred within me, reaching for that ever-present bond that demanded to be completed, the bond that so badly wanted to be claimed.

I knew she felt it, too. Her magic lifted the hairs on my arms, prickling across my skin.

It reached for mine. Felt my heartbeat skip for hers.

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish . The words crashed into me so quickly, I reared back, breaking the kiss. Ivy stared up at me, eyes wide with confusion, lips swollen.

“What?” she asked, her voice soft yet hesitant. Her cheeks were that damned shade of pink I wanted them to be. The pink that screamed of pleasure, of lust, of need .

But that quickly disappeared when she pulled back. It wasn’t complete rejection, but I could see the hurt playing in her dark eyes.

I shook my head, tongue darting out to taste her still on my own swollen lips. “I don’t—” I stopped and cleared my throat. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

The hurt quickly disappeared as her features hardened. She didn’t shove away from me—if she’d punched me, it would have been easier. Maybe would have hurt less than the way she completely shut down.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said, voice hard. “I’m done.”

This time, I felt the truth of her words. No more chances. No more opportunities to fuck it up and hurt her.

Ivy stepped around me without another word or look in my direction, and she walked away.

I didn’t even bother trying to stop her, not as the words played in my ears again. First, it was Orion’s voice, then someone else’s. Someone telling me I was a selfish bastard who would let everyone down.

I couldn’t even deny the accusation. Because it was true.

Again and again, I let her down.

I wasn’t fucking worthy of her, and I couldn’t keep hurting her.

Not anymore.