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POLLY

I haven’t set foot in Roosevelt Memorial Hospital since the day of The Incident.

It was so humiliating. I didn’t even do anything that bad. It’s not like I was going to hurt that newborn. I knew I couldn’t go anywhere with him. I was just holding him. And I was definitely going to give him back eventually . I just wanted to hold him a little bit longer.

I didn’t need to be escorted out by security.

Today when I march into the hospital, I leave my coat in the car so that everybody can see my scrubs, and I’m wearing my old badge. They confiscated the badge I was wearing on my last day, but I have an extra from when I thought I had lost it and had security print off a new one. It won’t get me into the med rooms, but I don’t need it for that. It’s just for appearances.

And it turns out I hardly need it. The security guard barely looks up as I walk past. It’s still visiting hours. I grab a surgical mask from the front desk to conceal my face, just in case.

I stride purposefully in the direction of the elevators. I check the directory on the wall to verify that Labor and Delivery is still on the third floor, and then I wait patiently for the elevator to arrive. There’s a man next to me who is about my age, and he’s clutching a stuffed elephant in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. He notices me looking at his possessions and smiles.

“My wife just gave birth to our first,” he says with a touch of pride. “I know the baby is too little to appreciate this but… Well, my wife will enjoy the chocolates.”

My lips feel rubbery as I try to return his smile. “I’m sure she will.”

I wonder what Hank would have brought me if I had ever managed to get pregnant. I imagine him roaming through the aisles at the supermarket, trying to pick out a treat for me that I would enjoy. And then stopping at a toy store after. Whatever he got, the animal would surely be wearing a baseball cap.

That will never happen now.

The elevator doors swing open. The man next to me is a gentleman, and he waves for me to go in ahead of him. My eyes swim with tears as I press the button for the third floor and the elevator slowly starts to rise. I reach into my scrub pocket, and my fingers close reassuringly over the handle of the scissors that will ensure Tegan will never tell anyone what we did to her.

Soon, this will all be over. I won’t have to smile and pretend to be happy for people having babies. I won’t have to watch Hank pretending to be satisfied with the life he’s stuck with because of me. He can have the fresh start he deserves.

Hank will be frantic when he notices the bedroom is empty and my Bronco isn’t in the driveway. He’ll search the house. looking for me. Then he’ll get in his truck and drive around, trying to find me. Eventually, he’ll think to come here.

But by that time, it will be far too late.