Page 10 of The Countess and Her Sister
Elizabeth let out a thoughtful hum. “It is natural you should prefer a gentleman with a more yielding disposition.” She thought of Mr. Bingley, as prone to good humor as Robert had been to malice.
Mr. Darcy did not strike Elizabeth as a cruel or punishing man, but neither would she call his manners cheerful and easy.
He was thoughtful and reticent, but it was evident that he was truly good; he was all duty and honor, but kept his sentiments tightly wrapped in reserve and respectability.
“It also made me uncomfortable to learn the extent of his assistance with the earldom’s affairs,” Jane said. “I am grateful, of course, though I am sure I seemed an ignorant fool.”
“That has more to do with Richard than yourself,” Elizabeth replied.
“I asked Richard about it last evening. He said that he did not omit any information out of mischief, or to take any undue credit for what has been achieved; it simply never occurred to him to tell me what manner of aid Mr. Darcy gave him. His father taught him that ladies have no wish to hear such talk, and he never questioned that philosophy. He said that he considered it his own personal matter to receive the tutelage of Mr. Darcy in estate matters, that it would make no difference to me if he managed things on his own or received instruction and counsel from his cousin, so long as all was done for the best. I can understand that – had he told me of his learning from Mr. Darcy at any point in the past two years, I doubt it would have mattered – I would have been grateful for their efforts no matter their method. I only regret that I appeared so ignorant before Mr. Darcy – and I do not like feeling so beholden to him, either.”
“I see,” Elizabeth said slowly, taking in all that her sister had confided. What had seemed to her to be a pleasant opening of a new acquaintance had meant a great deal more to Jane, and Elizabeth wished to truly ponder it all from her sister’s perspective.
“I can imagine that would make you feel as if you were beginning on unequal footing with the man Mamma has been promoting to you.”
“Yes, exactly! I feel as if I have no choice but to like him, after all he has done to help Richard in managing Thomas’s affairs.
And, though I do not fault Mamma for it, I feel as though I am being offered up as Mr. Darcy’s reward – that if he is to serve the earldom, he might as well have the countess on his arm.
At least I cannot accuse Mr. Darcy of holding such an opinion, for you are the one who charmed him with your witty conversation.
His courtesy to me was out of duty, but I believe he was really delighted with you. ”
Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably, refusing to be gratified by any preference the handsome gentleman had shown her. “He must have wished to make amends for his boorishness, that is all. How could he not find you enchanting?"
“Because I was utterly insipid! I was business, Lizzy – you were pleasure.”
Elizabeth searched her sister’s face for any trace of envy or asperity, but she found only disappointment in Jane’s expressive countenance. “I am sorry.”
“I should never mind anybody finding you charming – I adore you, and so too should everybody who knows you. I am only dissatisfied with myself. And, I suppose, with Mr. Darcy. If I fell short of his expectations, I must own that he did not gratify mine, either, and I can only lament that I may be a disappointment to Mamma. But perhaps it is for the best. He is Mr. Bingley’s friend, and I should feel strange to receive the attentions of both gentlemen. ”
Now Elizabeth smiled, finding some silver lining in this turn of thought. “Mr. Bingley has made his preferences far more evident – he likes you a great deal, Jane. He is quite in awe of you.”
“As I am in awe of Mr. Darcy, I suppose. He is an impressive man, and I fear that my initial hesitancy is merely some sense of inadequacy I ought to overcome. To prefer the flattery of his friend – I am taking the easier path, and I do not know if it is right.”
Elizabeth stroked Jane’s hand thoughtfully.
If her sister preferred Mr. Bingley, it would certainly ease the discomfort they felt at the notion that Mr. Darcy preferred the sister who had spoken more easily with him.
Some unfamiliar piece of her heart seemed to tremble and sing out with excitement at such a preference being permitted, but she hesitated to indulge anything like hope. “What will you do?”
“At present I wish to proceed naturally – our aunt has urged me not to think so harshly of myself. I intend to keep an open mind and become better acquainted with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley, and perhaps even Mr. Tilney. I trust Mamma, and if she thinks us well suited, I shall attempt to discover if she is correct, if perhaps she sees some possibility that I missed, flustered as I was. I am not sure that she approves of Mr. Bingley, but I have no intention of discouraging him – not yet, at least, though I should not wish to make rivals of him and his friend. I daresay that in time my preference for one the other will grow stronger, or perhaps neither connection will progress. I have no expectations of Mr. Tilney, who wishes to woo everybody, yet nobody with any seriousness.”
“I have every hope of his wearing away Rebecca’s determination never to wed,” Elizabeth said with a laugh.
She reminded herself that she had recently celebrated Jane having the luxury of choice – and surely such a choice must take time.
“Your judgement is sound; I cannot fault it. Only you must advise me on how to behave – I have no wish to be a hindrance.”
“I would not have you act any particular way on my account, Lizzy. Your natural verbosity has always made me easy in company before – it was my own failing to be so upset by the disparity between your wit and my sullen silence. I must strive to do better without dulling your own radiant charms.”
Elizabeth embraced her sister. “Thank you, Jane. I have no wish to impede your courtships, but I wish you to find the love of a man who would choose you for yourself, and not because I have removed myself from the equation. The differences between us are not at all a disadvantage for you, for you have such sweetness and gentle wisdom as I could never equal.”
“Exactly so. If all of Robert’s courtesans and adulterous accomplices abjured him after our marriage, would I really have held his heart, or merely been the only option? I wish to be truly chosen and preferred, and not because you have diminished yourself for my sake.”
“You deserve all the best, Jane, truly. Robert was a fool to stray from you. I wish you to find a man who will understand what he has in such a woman as you have become.”
“You are the dearest sister in all the world, Lizzy. I feel so much better now that I have spoken my feelings to you. I feared you would think me a petty, jealous creature.”
“Never! But I hope to see you grow sure of yourself, and I am glad that you mean to try.”
Elizabeth and Jane remained another half hour at Gracechurch Street; their aunt returned and was relieved that all had been put right between the two sisters.
Lady Gardiner had high hopes that each of them might find love now that they had rejoined society, and was sure that the two girls were of such different dispositions, though each with myriad charms as may attract very different sets of beaux.
Elizabeth hoped that their aunt was right, and that Jane truly harbored no lingering resentment.
And yet she could not dispel her own disappointment in Jane’s willingness to continue becoming acquainted with Mr. Darcy, despite Mr. Bingley presenting such an obvious alternative.
She told herself that she only wished to satisfy her own vanity in thinking that the handsome gentleman who had insulted her could now think her more worth speaking to than a countess who had ever been reputed as a superior beauty.
That evening, Rebecca could not resist making her own impressions known to Elizabeth. “Mr. Darcy was invited to tea, but upon hearing of your fondness for walking, he instantly suggested taking a walk. That is certainly noteworthy, is it not?”
“It is finally springtime, the weather is fair at last – anybody might wish to be out of doors,” Elizabeth replied, refusing to acknowledge what would only turn her mind in a direction it ought not wander.
But despite her stubborn resolve, Elizabeth could not overcome her hope that Jane would choose Mr. Bingley.
He called again the next day, as did the Tilneys, and Elizabeth did her best to behave naturally, as Jane had asked her to.
But what came naturally to Elizabeth was a tendency to encourage conversation between Jane and her enthusiastic suitor, to give them every opportunity to speak privately, and to forestall the dowager’s scrutiny by arousing the liveliest banter between Richard, Rebecca, and the Tilneys.
And, worst of all, Elizabeth could not escape a constant hope that Mr. Darcy would call again – if not to continue in his preference for her, than to demonstrate to Jane that he could not please her half so well as his friend.