Page 15

THE MOST UNSETTLING MOMENT in any day is coming awake, drenched in sweat, and reaching to find the one who soothes your fears is not beside you in your bed.

Swiping at the perspiration on my brow, I lay in our lumpy bed, straining to hear the sound of Hamiel and Delmar in conversation. Hearing nothing but the gentle scrape of the lost ones against the window glass, I kicked off the covers and cracked my stiff neck, for I had been resting without my pillow again. Hamiel had a habit of gathering pillows and blankets to himself as he slept. Like a magpie, but his preferences were for coverlets and goose-down pillows instead of shiny objects. I found my drawers draped over the finial of the bedpost. So Hamiel had awoken and tidied up. A warmth flooded me as I recalled the passion that we had shared last night. Several summers had passed and our love for each other had not dwindled. Nor would it ever, I was sure.

After I stepped into my trousers, I went to search for my beloved. The main room of the cabin was empty, a delicate pot of tea awaiting us on the table. Since Hamiel had made this hovel his home, the interior had become much more refined. Shelves lined with books and little statuettes lined one wall now. Good rugs covered the floor. There was less dust, the windows sparkled, and the meals were always served with tea from a lovely china teapot I had purchased from an antiquities shop in Sandy Bay. I often wondered what the shopkeepers thought when their inventory just disappeared overnight but coin was left in its place. Perhaps they assumed leprechauns were at play. If only that were the case. I was as far removed from a playful wee man in green as a soul could be. Best they thought a tiny fairy had come to visit.

Wishing to break my fast with my soulmate, I walked outside, my bare feet kicking up small clouds of ashen dust as I headed to the rear of the cabin. I could hear Abyss in his stall, tossing about his blanket as he chuffed loudly. Obviously, he had winded me. He would have to wait for a moment or two. Coming around the corner of the cottage, I found Hamiel and Delmar surveying our little vegetable patch.

“Good morn,” I called out. They both looked my way, Delmar scratching at his backside. He claimed the patch that Hamiel had sewn into his striped trousers irritated his tender skin. I suspected he just enjoyed the wind on his buttocks. “Any signs of life?”

“Nary a one.” Hamiel sighed as I closed the distance and pulled him into my arms. I buried my nose into his sweet curls and breathed him in. He smelled of soap and spring. I’d not met a more fastidious man. Delmar complained steadily about daily baths. “There is just not enough sun, I fear.”

“Mm, I have told you that many times.”

His arms wrapped around me. “If only I had some of that radiance that I once possessed.”

I took his face in my hands. He blinked wide amber eyes. “You are the most radiant being to walk this realm.” I pressed a kiss to his soft lips. Delmar made a gagging sound behind us. “We shall simply have to make do with the paltry things that do manage to germinate. Combined with my increased wages, we shall do fine.”

He blew out a breath. “Yes, I know we shall not starve, but there must be a way to bring sunlight to a patch of land that lacks it.”

I smiled down at him. His mind was very keen. If anyone could invent such a thing, it would be Hamiel. He read voraciously. Keeping him sated in bed as well as sated intellectually was a full-time occupation I enjoyed greatly. He pressed his lips to my rough chin.

“Fire makes light. We make fires around carrots. Big light! Big carrots!” Delmar shouted as he pulled on the seat of my pants. “See, Delmar is smart.”

Hamiel gave me a wink. He and Delmar had come to a truce a few seasons back. The imp had a terrible jealous streak which had caused some large issues during our first year or two living in this bleak realm. After a large kerfuffle involving an imp throwing himself to the floor in a tantrum that any toddler would envy, Hamiel and he had a long talk. It was laid out that Hamiel and he would share taking care of me as if I were a child who needed two nannies to coddle me. I would have been tweaked, but the notion that they both cared so much was quite nice. Hamiel took care of my personal needs, and Delmar took care of the cabin. And my boots. Even Hamiel confessed that his boot-buffing skills were meager compared to Delmar’s. Probably because he refused to drool on my boots to soften the leather before coating them with boot black.

“You are indeed very wise. We can try that,” Hamiel replied, then reached down to pat the imp on his bald head. I chuckled at the two of them, plotting to bring light to this eternally dismal place. A twinge in my chest made me wince. Hamiel placed a small hand on my heart. “A summons?”

“I think so.” I drew in a deep breath, mindful to keep my lips tight. Hamiel was always surrounded by souls who wished to move on. He could hear many of them, their prayers, which he would gather in a golden bowl and then send them forward to be given grace during the Eucharist. We had no way of knowing if his work was making a dint in the sheer numbers of souls seeking purification as the tiny orbs of essence never seemed to dwindle, but he clung to the notion that he was helping. And that was what faith was all about, after all. Belief.

“Then you should go. Oh, you’ve not had tea and toast yet. Let us gather you something to eat while you ready Abyss.” With that, he was off, wiggling from my embrace to race into the home we shared with Delmar on his heels. Shaking my head as I rubbed at the hot flare of the calling in my chest, I went back inside. I was about to enter a horse’s stall barefoot. Only fools and drunkards would be that half-witted. As soon as I entered, I found the two of them scurrying about to prepare a basket for me. I’d spoken up many times to tell them that I was a man fully grown and could prepare my own food and drink, but they insisted they enjoyed doting. So, I allowed them to dote all they wished. I dressed quickly, the pain of the summons growing so rapidly that it was hard to draw a breath.

“Here, let me fix your ascot,” Hamiel said as I made my way into the kitchen after I was dressed. He rose to his toes to tie the slim black tie neatly. “You always look so handsome. I recall how breathless you made me when I first saw you.”

“I thought you were stunned from falling over that chunk of firewood,” I ground out, taking a moment to touch the tip of his nose.

“No, it was the sight of you.” He stole a kiss, always mindful that we had company, and then placed a proper little picnic basket into my hands. One of his many finds on Earth that brought him great joy. “There is toast with some orange marmalade wrapped up as well as a tiny urn with tea tucked into the corner of the basket. Tell Abyss to travel slowly so as not to spill the tea.”

A lick of white pain raced outward from my chest. “I’ll tell him.” With gritted teeth, I took the basket and kissed his smooth cheek. “I shall return. Do not let him place torches too near the cabin. It might not be much, but it is all we have.”

“I will keep a close eye. Now go. You are white with pain.” He hurried me to the front door. The ache in my chest made breathing hard. I wasted no time hitching Abyss to the carriage. The brougham thrummed strongly, a steady beat like a heart that I’d not experienced in all my time at this job.

“You are not to spill my tea,” I told the hell stallion before giving the reins a flick.

He listened about as well as Delmar did, which was barely at all. The lurch of the carriage forward sent me back into the seat with a grunt. The basket resting on the floor slid back, then left, and then right before it hit my ankle. Tea spilled out over my boot as we hit the portal. I would never tell Hamiel this, but 80 percent of the meals he insisted I take never made it to my stomach. Most were lost in the maddening race from purgatory to the home of those about to be judged. If I managed one slice of toast, I’d be lucky. But it was the thought that counted as Hester always said.

We exited the portal with a lurch to the side that nearly tossed me free of the carriage. I’d learned to brace throughout the ride over my tenure. My tea slopped out with a glug, soaking the toast, I was sure. Banking left, we raced over the lands, slowing as we neared Avers Mill. I’d not been back to my hometown for many months. My uncle and aunt had been good enough to have a burial for me. What they placed in the homemade coffin, I had no clue since Lucifer had pulled my burnt body from the rubble of the stable. Did they bury a pony, thinking it was me? The point was moot, but the thought was kind. Why Abyss brought us here was not clear until we trotted away from the small town to a pasture well known for early morning duels. I spied a fine looking mare, one that had been dear to me, and watched Delilah moving among the sheep hale and hearty. My heart swelled to know the horse had survived the blaze.

Abyss slowed to a stop, flicked his ears, and I sat dumbstruck, staring at the scene before me as tea soaked through my pant leg. Lying on the ground in a dark red puddle was Theo. Three men stood around him, and one man kneeling at his prostrate form was Dr. Willougby. The others were unknown to me. One man, with a pistol in his hand, was striding away to his horse tied to a fence post. A flock of freshly shorn sheep stood on the other side of the fence, watching idly as the doctor pronounced Theo dead. The other two men, seconds to the duel, nodded dully. My shoulder blades hit the stiff back of my seat as I watched everything play out as if through a glass smeared with fat. Everything seemed hazy. I blinked several times to clear the film from my gaze. The men talked for a moment as I scanned the area for a rainbow walker, but none appeared. A dull mist settled over us as the sun slid behind some gray clouds. I could not recall showing up at a death and not meeting a walker. Things made no sense.

Until a ghostly form rose from the body of my murderer. Theo, bloody shirt and coat, seemed confused. I dropped the reins. Abyss would not venture far. The grass here was thick and lush. My boots met the earth as Theo moved toward me, the hole in his heart oozing dark blood as he neared. My gut clenched to see his essence drifting to me as if pulled by a string. My hand went to the latch on the door, dread creeping up to embrace me. What would I say to him if he recognized me? I’d not interacted in my moribund form with anyone that I knew when I was whole. Did he recall his past?

He paused in front of me. I opened the door. “Your carriage awaits.”

“Livingstone,” he whispered as his gaze moved over me. “My eternal love.”

I grimaced. If he thought to ply me with deceit he was greatly mistaken. Better men than he had tried to barter with me. All had failed. Haggling with Satan’s servants was a foolish last grasp for the damned.

“Your carriage awaits,” I repeated. He moved closer. “Do not try to touch me. Any affection that I had for you burned to ash the night you murdered me.”

“I was wrong. I know that. I was trapped, Livingstone, and your painful words pushed me over the edge. Surely you must see that if only you had gone along with my plans for us, that terrible night would not have taken place. Please, please. Do not take me to the dark one!”

He went to his knees, clutching my trousers as Delmar was known to do. I had never seen a more pitiful example of a man.

“You have been judged. Do not make me force you into the carriage. Rise and face at least this as a man.”

His vacant eyes shifted from the brougham to me, then to the horse, and then skyward. “I hear no heavenly horns.”

“Heralds are not for murderers.” Slowly, he got to his feet and took a step. He paused, his confused gaze touching me, his eyes begging for salvation. That was a thing that I could not give him even if I wished to. Which I did not. “Judgment has been made. Get in.”

He let out a sad sigh but climbed into the carriage. I slammed the door closed, eager to get him delivered into the claws of the harpies and be home. My mind was jumbled. Abyss wasted no time. As I sat stiffly in my seat, my hat crushed under my leg, my toast and tea forgotten, I stared straight ahead at the blur of rich forests. Even when we hit the vortex of flame that shunted us into Hell, I maintained my stare. My passenger was silent. A true blessing, for if I had had to hear him beg for his soul, I might have steered us into a brick wall. Thankfully, he was quiet as we touched down, the rough stop tossing him forward with a thud.

I sat in my seat, the rank smell of burned flesh and brimstone thick on the heavy air. Fire spewed up in spurts from fissures, the wails of those under the whips down below seemed even louder this day. A crow appeared from the direction of the palace, growing larger and larger as a trio of winged demons joined him. Malphus touched down as a man, his wings disappearing once his bird-like feet were on the hot soil.

“A special passenger this day, Coachman,” he called as he smiled from a distance. The demons landed atop the brougham, claws raking the black paint, their devilish calls pulling a weak whimper from Theo. “Tell me, how do you feel seeing him dead and his soul banished to the pits? Does it fill you with glee? Anger, which impels even a reflective man to be harsh, which, far sweeter than down-dripping honey, swells in a man’s chest like smoke, Homer wrote. Tell me, Livingstone Wright, does your chest swell with pleasure seeing the man who took your life condemned to spend his afterlife under my heel?”

I found myself struck dumb. Some small part of me was happy, yes. I would not deny myself of that, but not to see Theo suffer eternally. That pleasure was for justice. It was satisfaction to see that a fair judgment had been made. Why Theo had been shot in a duel, I could not say, nor did I honestly care. He chose the path of evil and murder. He walked that road and now he was at the end of his journey. His decisions were his and his alone.

“No, it does not swell my chest.” I jumped down, popped my poor top hat back into shape, and turned to open the door for Theo. He did not go gracefully. Few did. The demons pulled him free, his screams melting into the din of all the others serving their time here. I watched as his soul was carried skyward. “If I feel anything at all, it is sadness that he wasted his life in such a callous manner.”

“You truly have lived far too long with that castoff angel.” Malphus spat on the ground, his black wings unfurling as he took to wing. I stood silent, my hand on Abyss’s strong flank, as the one who had ended my life began his eternal one. Regret for a life wasted filled me. Odd it was for I had been sure that when his time came, and it would, I would rejoice at his banishment to the hells. But now I felt only sorrow. Perhaps Lucifer’s second was right. Mayhap I had been with Hamiel for too long. I could only think that was a good thing.

The pain in my chest subsided. “Let us go home.”

Abyss was always ready to return to his stall. I flinched as we rode through the flames. I suspected I would never lose that fear of fire. The ride was quick, the horse eager to be fed and watered. My head was filled with a thousand different emotions as we rode through the portal between Earth and purgatory. Delmar was atop the cottage with a mirror as Hamiel stood on the ground with a lantern. The brougham came to a smooth stop.

Hamiel placed the lantern on the ground, his form outlined with a shimmering aura of souls attracted to his goodness. Much like me. I vaulted from the carriage to scoop him into my arms. His breath left him in a rush. I rubbed my cheek against his curls, embracing him tightly.

“We are trying to make light for the garden, but so far the only thing we have accomplished is Delmar frying a small stink bug,” he informed me, his breath a warm rush over my throat. “Are you well?” I nodded, then loosened my hold. Just enough that he could step back a mite. “You look odd. Did your toast not sit well?”

“My toast…” I had to smile. “My toast got wet.”

“Drat. I was afraid of that. And that upset you for you are hungry. Come, let me make you more toast and tea. We can discuss your ride if you would like?”

I looked deeply into his gold eyes. His spectacles were smeared as always, and he had some dirt on his cheek. He never looked more beautiful.

“My ride was one that showed me that loving you has made me a better man.”

“Then we are truly blessed for loving you has made me a better man as well.”

I clasped him to me tightly as those who sought release danced about us in a rhythm as old as time itself. No matter where one resided, if the one who held their heart was with them, even the smallest cottage was paradise.