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fifty-four

LEXI

“Has there been any news about your dad’s job?” Rachel stares at me expectantly through my phone’s screen. She’s checked in with me every day since things imploded.

It’s been five days of holing up in Ryder’s apartment. I haven’t even gone to campus for my classes. My professors all approved online coursework until the media attention dies down. It became very clear my first day back after the game that I couldn’t safely walk through campus alone. I was swarmed by reporters the moment I approached the building holding my classroom. Ryder hired a bodyguard to escort me to and from class, but I just couldn’t do it. All the attention has nearly given me an ulcer. So now, my bodyguard, Tom, only follows me around when I’m forced to leave Ryder’s apartment. Ryder hasn’t wanted me to go home to mine since everything went down, and I don’t want to be separated from him, either.

I tried to tell Ryder that hiring a bodyguard was overkill, but in private moments, I can admit to myself that Tom’s presence helps me feel safer. It’s strange to be the source of public curiosity like this, and I don’t enjoy having cameras shoved in my face. All this chaos has to die down sometime, but for now, people are still very much interested in me, my relationship with my dad, and my romance with Ryder.

“Earth to Lexi,” Rachel sing-songs.

I shake my head, clearing the thoughts away. “Sorry. No news yet. I’m sure he’s got clauses in his contract about being fired, so it’s not a decision the team would make lightly.”

Though I’m looking forward to all of this being resolved, I’m also terrified of how it’s going to impact my life. Because make no mistake, it will impact my life either way. I’ve spent way too many sleepless hours mentally flipping through every possible outcome.

Rachel’s eyes narrow. “You holding up okay?”

“I don’t know. It’s been a lot.”

Understatement.

“ Ryder still being the perfect man?”

My lips twitch up in an anemic smile. “Yeah. He’s everything, Rach. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I hope I never have to find out.”

“I’m happy for you, Lex.” Rachel sighs. Her head tilts and her eyes grow dreamy. “Maybe I need to find myself a sexy, protective hockey player.”

“Move to Minneapolis, and I’ll hook you up with one,” I say. The idea of it has my smile widening.

“You know I’m a Chicago-girlie for life. I love this city. Plus, I’ve worked my ass off to get this junior position at the firm. No way am I letting Karl get the job just so I can pursue a six-foot hottie with a perfect bubble butt.” Rachel squeezes the air, imagining a peachy behind. It’s ridiculous enough that I laugh.

“Who has a perfect bubble butt?” Ryder strides into his bedroom, where I’m sprawled on my stomach on the bed. He bends down and kisses the crown of my head. He waves at Rachel through my phone. “Hey, Rach.”

“Hi, Ryder. Lex was just trying to convince me to move to Minneapolis by enticing me with the prospect of being set up with one of your teammates.”

Ryder’s forehead crinkles as he considers it. “You might get along with Sebastian. He’s a good guy. Though, I get the feeling he’s hung up on someone.”

“Nah.” Rachel chuckles. “I’ve got plans that involve beating Karl for that job and then rubbing it in his smug, entitled face. I dream about making that brown-nosing idiot cry.”

Ryder laughs. “You’re kinda scary.”

Rachel rolls her eyes. “Only to people who cross me. Like I said before, treat my bestie well and we won’t have any issues, Hanson.”

“That’s my plan. I’m going to treat her like a beautiful, grumpy princess for as long as she lets me.” Ryder chuckles as he dodges the half-hearted swat I aim at his stomach.

“Good. All right, well, I gotta get going. Adam and I are going to a Blizzard game tonight. I have the best sign ready for this game.”

For the first time all day, I laugh loudly and freely. “I think I’ve created a monster. Chase Bowen probably cries in the shower after every game you go to.”

Rachel’s smile is absolutely wicked. “One can only hope. Talk to you soon, Lex. Call me the minute you hear anything about your dad, ’kay?”

I nod. “I will. Have fun at the game tonight. Don’t start too much shit.”

“Me?” She holds her hand to her chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Later, Lex. Bye, Ryder.”

“Night, Rach.”

We wave and exchange one final goodbye. When I hang up the phone, Ryder flops down next to me on the bed and pulls me into his arms. His chest shakes with quiet laughter.

“I wish I could see Chase’s face when he sees whatever sign she has planned. Is she really planning to go to games on a regular basis?”

“I think so. At least, as many as she can afford. She really loved going to yours with me. And Adam is always up for watching a game. Doesn’t even matter what sport it’s for. Except for golf. He hates golf.”

“Gotta say I agree with him on that.” Ryder shifts our bodies so my head is on his chest and I’m almost lying completely on top of him. He rests his chin on my head and squeezes me tightly in his arms. We fall silent for a few minutes. It’s not an uncomfortable silence. Never is, with Ryder. We just soak up each other’s warmth and affection.

“I heard from my agent that a rep for the team has a press conference planned for tomorrow afternoon. They’re going to announce their decision regarding your dad then.”

My heart lurches, skips a beat, then begins to thunder. “Oh.”

Ryder shifts us so he’s sitting with his back against the headboard and my legs straddle his lap. His icy-blue eyes study my face. I’m sure he can see the panic splashed across it. “Whatever happens, you’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. We’ll get through this together.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I just… What if everyone hates me if he gets fired? All the attention has been overwhelming, and it’s mostly been supportive. I don’t know if I can deal with random strangers talking about how much they hate me on the internet. Yes, that’s stupid, because some random Chad’s opinion shouldn’t matter, but I…”

“Hey.” Ryder’s fingers gently grip my chin as he silently asks me to look at him. “You don’t have to explain. Trust me, all of us know how shitty people can be. And I won’t be able to protect you from all of it, but I’ll sure as hell try my best to.”

My face crumples, and I press my nose into his neck to avoid letting him see the tears pooling in my eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself the same thing about you all the time, baby.” He holds me in silence as our hearts sync. Despite everything going on around us, in many ways, I’ve never felt as safe or settled as I have staying here with Ryder. His roommate, Aaron, is rarely home, and when we have the place all to ourselves, I dream about what it would be like to do this every day. To wake up next to him, to come home to each other and share dinners, to stay up way too late each night watching movies or making love.

“My mom asked if we could come over for dinner next Wednesday. You guys don’t have a game. Would that work for you?”

Ryder’s hands brush up and down my spine. “Yeah, Oscar. That works. Have you talked to your mom recently?”

“We’ve been talking and texting a lot more since everything with my dad. It’s been nice. I didn’t like feeling angry with my mom for having an affair with Jeff, so I’m glad I know the truth now. She was my rock growing up, and I missed her.”

It’s been such a relief repairing our relationship. I’ve even talked to Jeff a few times and can admit that he’s incredibly kind and so good to my mom. I feel bad about the way I thought of him before. But I can’t change the past, so I do my best to make up for it now and get to know him. And honestly? It’s been nice. He tells terrible dad jokes and still calls me kiddo, but I’m growing to like it.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what things should have been like with my dad all along.

Ryder kisses me with soft, pliant lips. “I’m glad to hear that. I like your mom. And Jeff.”

“They like you too,” I tell him. Ever since Ryder defended me on national television, Mom and Jeff have been firmly on Team Ryder. My phone vibrates on the bed by our feet. “That’s probably her now. She’s been bugging me for an answer about dinner.”

Leaning back, I grab my phone and press the green answer button without bothering to glance at the screen. “Calm your tits,” I say, chuckling. “I was just about to call you back.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then a voice that is most definitely not my mother’s fills my ear. “Really, Alexis? That’s how you answer your phone?”

All the color drains from my face, and Ryder is instantly on alert. He tugs the phone away from my ear, so he can see who’s calling, and when he sees Dad on the screen, he presses the speaker button. His hands fall to my thighs, keeping me tethered to the earth and him, and his blue eyes are alert and focused on me. “What do you want, Dad?”

A deep, annoyed sigh filters through the speaker. “Look, things got out of hand the other day. It was the heat of the moment, and I said some things I shouldn’t have. I want to get things back to the way they were.”

The way they were . It doesn’t escape me that not once in his little speech does my father say he’s sorry or express any real regret. This call isn’t about making things right with me.

“And what does that mean to you, exactly?” I ask, my voice wavering slightly before I force myself to harden it. “Getting things back to the way they were. What does that look like?”

My dad sighs again. “Please don’t be dramatic, Alexis. This was just a misunderstanding.”

A misunderstanding. When I look up at Ryder, a deep scowl mars his face. He stares at the phone like he may reach right through it and strangle my dad. “I fail to see how any of this is a misunderstanding,” I say.

“I thought you were using Ryder to punish me,” my dad says. As if it’s obvious. As if I should have known. He says it like I shouldn’t be offended that this is what he thinks of me.

A harsh, cynical bark of laughter spills out of me. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

“Oh, come on, Alexis. It’s not that much of a stretch. You always threw a fit when I couldn’t make it to some little thing or other. So, I thought you were getting back at me for canceling dinner with you to attend to Ryder’s injuries.”

My grip on the phone tightens. “You thought I’d use and manipulate a good man just to get back at my dad for canceling dinner plans?”

“There’s no need to be so sensitive. Obviously, I was mistaken. Which is why I’m calling. I want to make things right. I’d like to talk things out and schedule a press conference for tomorrow morning, so we can show a united front.”

Stunned silent, I stare at Ryder and mouth, Is he serious? My boyfriend’s hands grip my thighs a little tighter. There’s no missing the rage in his eyes. He’s furious on my behalf.

“So, that’s what this is about,” I finally say. My voice comes out flat and lifeless, but tears pool in my eyes. Just when I thought my father couldn’t stoop any lower. “You want me to help you save your job.”

My dad scoffs. “You owe me that much, Alexis. I’ve paid for all of your schooling and the majority of your living expenses. Where do you think that money comes from? A tree in the backyard?”

I want to scream. To throw my phone against the wall. I want to make him feel even a fraction of the pain he’s caused me with his rejection over the years. Ryder opens his mouth to tell my dad off, but I shake my head. I need to fight this battle alone.

“No.”

Silence. And then, “No? What do you mean, no , Alexis?”

“I mean no. No, I don’t want to help you sweep this under the rug. No, I will not sit next to you at a press conference and lie to the world. I won’t tell them we’ve patched things up or that you’re a great dad or that I think you’ve learned your lesson. I mean no, I will not help you save your job.”

“You owe me this, Alexis. It’s your fault I’m in this position in the first place!”

The tears in my eyes overflow and drip down my cheeks. But I don’t let him hear how much he’s hurting me. “No, Arthur. It’s your fault you’re in this position. It’s your fault we don’t have a relationship. It’s your fault you’re a shitty father. I don’t owe you anything. I’m done.”

“Done? I don’t think so, Alexis. You do this, and I won’t pay for your last year of school. I won’t pay for your rent. You do this, and you’re on your own. Do you understand?”

I make a strangled sound that’s something between a laugh and a sob. “Fine. If that’s how you want to play it, Arthur, fine. I appreciate that you’ve paid for my school and living expenses, I really do. But in every other way, you’ve been an absent parent for a long, long time.”

My dad growls. “You ungrateful little bitch, I?—”

“That’s enough,” Ryder roars. He gently pries the phone from my hand and presses me to his chest with his free hand. “One more word, Arthur, and I will get in my car, drive to your house, and kick your sorry ass. How dare you speak to your own daughter like that? You’re the worst kind of man. Your ex-wife is a saint for putting up with you as long as she did. And as for Lexi? You’re a fucking idiot. You’ve missed out on years with the most intelligent, beautiful, loyal daughter, and for what? A job you’re about to lose, if there’s any justice in the world?”

Ryder’s chest heaves. “You’re pathetic. Pathetic and selfish and sad.” He looks down at me. “Baby, do you want to speak to your father again after this?”

All I can do is shake my head no . My throat is tight with the sobs I’m trying desperately to hold in. Ryder presses a soft kiss to my forehead.

“Lexi doesn’t want to speak to you again. And if she does, she will contact you. From now on, you will leave her alone. Do you understand?”

“I don’t know who you think you are,” my dad snarls. “But?—”

“I’m the man who loves your daughter,” Ryder says, cutting him off. “I’m the luckiest bastard alive. And I’m the man who will kick your pathetic ass if you go against her wishes. Don’t fucking try me, Cross. I swear to god, there’s nothing I want more.”

My dad sputters and coughs, but Ryder ignores him. His mesmerizing eyes are fixed on me. “Do you have anything else you need to say, baby?” I shake my head. “Okay. She has nothing to say to you. Don’t fucking call her again, got it?”

And before he can utter another word, Ryder hangs up on my dad. The call ends, and with it, my relationship with my father. Twenty-three years of reaching for his love. Twenty-three years of striving for his acceptance. Done. Just like that. With the touch of a button and the silencing of a call.

“Fuck, baby.” Ryder drops the phone and wraps both arms around me, pulling me tight against his chest as the tears fall and the sobs finally break free. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

I’m breaking because of the things my dad said. All the callous remarks and the awful assumptions. I’m breaking because it’s clear he never loved me. My heart hurts because he couldn’t even bring himself to apologize for making me feel unwanted. But the thing that pops out of my mouth is, “What am I going to do? I can’t afford to pay for school and rent with my shitty part-time job. Fuck, Ryder, what am I going to do?”

“You’re going to move in with me,” he says. The words are so calm, so sure. Like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.

“I can’t do that.” I press my face into his chest. “You don’t have to do that. This is my problem, Ryder. I wasn’t trying to guilt you into anything.”

“Oscar.” He releases me. His hands go to my face, applying gentle pressure to get me to look up at him. “Look at me, OTG.”

My vision is blurry from crying, but reluctantly, I obey.

“Move in with me. I’m not asking because you’ve guilt tripped me into it. I’m not asking because I feel obligated. I’m asking because I fucking love you and I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up with you pressed against my chest every morning. I’m asking because I hate being away from you. Move in with me. Because you’ve become my family. My home. So, please let me provide you with one.”

This can’t be real. He can’t be real. Real life doesn’t have knights in shining hockey skates. It doesn’t have happy endings.

“Please, baby. Move in with me?”

Maybe this isn’t real. Maybe this is all some crazy, elaborate dream. The thing is? I’m not sure I care either way. Because Ryder Hanson is my home too.

“Are you sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been about anything.” He runs his thumb along my jaw.

“Then, yes. Yes, I’ll move in with you.”

“Seriously?”

I grin, despite the tears still streaming down my face. They’re happy tears, now. “Seriously.”

Ryder lets out a resounding whoop , then rolls so I’m pinned beneath him on the bed. He kisses me senseless as his fingers fumble to remove our clothes. We’re both panting and desperate, and as soon as we’re naked, he pushes inside of me. I cry out, needing to feel him in every part of me. I need him to ground me. I’m worried all of this is a dream, and at any moment, it might dissipate and drift away. Ryder pulls out and pushes into me again.

“This is real, baby,” he murmurs in my ear. I must have said that out loud. “This is real. I love you so much.” His hips snap against mine. “You’re my home, Lexi. Let me be yours.”

Home.

The word takes on new meaning. It finally feels right. Just like Ryder does as I welcome him into my body.

Home .