Page 8 of The Call of Crimson (The Crimson & Shadows #2)

“I’ve got you, Princess,” Lord Jaeson says quietly, his hand on my shoulder. With sure hands, he reaches out and calls on his Kaminari Gift to light my torch.

“Thank you,” I whisper as he falls back into the crowd.

I reach my torch out to light the ones held by Aurelius, Elijah, and Ophelia. Together, Aurelius and I light my mother’s pyre as Elijah and Ophelia light Layne’s. As the wood begins to catch, I pass my torch to a guard with instructions to light Seamus’ pyre.

For the first time, I am the one to start the traditional Rimorian death hymn. Ophelia joins me a heartbeat later, and together we cry out our grief.

May the mother keep you close

And the father protect you now

The tears that once were shed

Make the flowers grow

When the night is darkest

And the sun has ceased its shining

May you remember

My love for you is eternal

From your first breath

Until your very last

May the gods grant you peace

As we approach the second round, I hear the voices of Elijah and Aurelius join us. By the third, the entire crowd is singing. Voices echo around us, being heard from miles away, as a kingdom laments the loss of its queen.

I don’t remember losing the battle to stand, but I find myself on my knees.

Sobs wrack through me as I let the hot tears freely flow.

That chasm left by my father and Julian—the one I felt begin to scab over—is ripped wide open again.

Not only do I feel the loss of my mother, but it’s like I’m reliving the loss of each one that went before her.

My body shakes as the immense weight of grief threatens to overtake me.

Elijah’s warm hand takes mine, gripping it tightly. I thread my fingers through his, squeezing as we both cry over the mother we’ve lost. His other arm is wrapped tightly around Ophelia as she cries into his chest.

The familiar scent of warm spices and bergamot envelops me as Aurelius wraps his arms around me.

For the time being, I forget I’m angry, let go of the betrayal I felt from his secret keeping, and just let him comfort me.

I take pleasure in the familiarity of his embrace, savoring the way his arms still feel like home.

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” I say through gasping sobs.

“I know, Princess.” His voice cracks, and I notice the tears streaming down his cheeks for the first time.

“I-I was s-so cruel to her before s-she died.” My sobs are so violent they cause me to stutter through my words. “She d-didn’t deserve that, a-and I never fixed things.”

There are no words that will make this better, so instead, Aurelius pulls me into his lap, cradling me against him and rocking me gently. I gasp, my lungs desperate to take in the oxygen I can’t seem to inhale.

“Shhh,” Aurelius coos. “I need you to breathe, Breyla.”

Another pained sob leaves me as I try to tell him I can’t, but no words come out.

“I’m going to help you,” he says as I feel his Hemonia Gift gently seep into my body, winding its way around my heart. He slows my pulse just enough to make breathing possible again.

Tears still stream down my face, but I take a deep breath, sighing in relief as my burning lungs calm. His fingers wind through my hair, gently massaging my scalp, helping me to relax.

“I’m not ready for this, Aurelius,” I confess.

“No one ever is. You figure it out as you go.”

I turn to meet his eyes, getting lost in the crimson flecks that seem to shine brighter through the tears.

“I’m not her. How am I supposed to live up to her on my own?

I can’t even keep my people safe as General, and now I’m expected to lead a kingdom.

I don’t know how to do this—and she understood that!

Why else would she fight so hard to stay on the throne? ”

Just like that, all my silent doubts and insecurities come to light. His eyes soften at my admission. I don’t want his pity, so I turn away, struggling to break from his hold.

Using his thumb and forefinger, he grasps my chin and turns my face back to his.“Look at me,” he demands, tightening his grip. “Your mother did not fight to keep you off the throne because she found you lacking.”

“How do you?—”

“She knew you did not want to rule.” The muscle in his jaw ticks as he contemplates his next words, “More than that, I believe she knew what would happen should you take the throne.” His eyes dart briefly to Ayden and back to me.

“She knew about the marriage contract?” I ask in disbelief.

“She never explicitly said so, but I suspect that she did.”

Just like that, my anger returns, melding with my grief in a potent mixture. I force my way out of Aurelius’ arms, much to his protest. I did not care, though. The anger was too consuming for me to feel anything else.

“Here, drink this,” Elijah says, shoving a goblet into my hands.

Ophelia, Elijah, and I sat in a circle on the library floor. There was no warrior’s celebration of life following the service for my mother and Layne, but Elijah had decided we needed something extra to get through the day.

“What is it?” I ask, sniffing the concoction.

“Does it matter?” He cocks his head and takes a drink from his own goblet.

“I guess not,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. The drink burns going down. Whatever it is, it’s strong. It warms me, my face flushing from the mix of spirits.

“Do you remember the time we both broke our arm?” Elijah asks.

“Of course, how could I forget?” I smile as the memory greets me.

“Eli, I’m bored,” I complained.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working on your arithmetic?”

“Why do you think I’m bored?” I scoffed.

“Where is the tutor?” Elijah asked, his innocent eyes trying to figure it out.

“She quit, and Mother has yet to find a new one. Turns out she’s deathly afraid of spiders. Who knew?” I asked, a mischievous grin stretching across my face.

“Wait, you didn’t…” His eyebrows rose as the pieces clicked into place.

“Create tiny shadow spiders and chase her around the castle with them? Of course not.” Sarcasm dripped from my tone as I batted my eyes in faux innocence. My Madilim Gift had manifested just months prior, and forming small shapes was the extent of my control.

Elijah let out a full belly laugh, causing me to join in. After a few minutes, he managed to regain his composure. “Come on, I have an idea.”

He led me through the castle, carefully avoiding anyone who would bust us and report back to Mother or Father. We ended up on part of the castle roof overlooking the back of the grounds. It was only one story up, but looking over the edge, I could see it was a significant drop to the ground.

“What are we doing?”

He pulled me to the edge, allowing me to see a nearby tree and a small pond just beyond it. “You see that branch?”

“Yeah?”

“I bet we could jump from the edge of the roof, catch the limb, and use it to swing us into the pond.”

“If you wanted to go swimming, why didn’t we just go to the stream?”

“Because this is significantly more fun,” he said, as if it were obvious.

“How far is the drop if we miss?” I asked, trying to calculate our chance of injury.

“If you’re too scared, just say so, B.”

“Definitely not,” I protested, crossing my arms.

“Then stop overthinking it, and just jump with me.”

“Fine. Together, then?”

“Together,” he agreed, taking my hand.

With a running start, we jumped from the edge of the roof towards the tree branch. To my surprise, we easily caught the limb, but to my horror, we had gravely miscalculated the distance from the tree to the pond.

Knowing our only chance of reaching the water is if we use the momentum from our first jump, I let go and prayed that I hit the pond. I screamed, arms flailing as I realized I wasn’t going to make it.

“Oof,” I moaned in pain as my body hit the muddy embankment. Elijah let out a pained grunt next to me.

Our legs had managed to hit the water, but we hadn’t made it far enough, leaving our upper halves lying in the mud surrounding the pond.

“You fucker,” I groaned at Eli. “I landed on my arm.”

“Shut up, so did I.”

Using my opposite arm, I shifted myself into a sitting position, hissing at the pain it caused me.

“I think it’s ? —”

“Breyla!” my mother’s annoyed voice rang out behind us.

“Oh, shit,” Elijah whispered.

“Oh, shit, is right,” Mother snapped. “What were you two thinking?”

The pain throbbing through my arm overrode my common sense as I answered her, “Uh… that we would be able to swing from the tree branch and reach the pond.”

Her nostrils flared at my smart mouth. “You are intelligent enough to know better. You two aren’t even supposed to be out here right now.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to think you shouldn’t have scared off the tutor. Obviously, our arithmetic could use some help,” Elijah unhelpfully added.

“Obviously. Do I even need to say what comes next?” Mother raised an irritated brow at us.

“We’re confined to our quarters?” I guessed.

“And that’s just the start,” she confirmed.

“I can’t believe she refused to summon a healer,” Elijah says. She had allowed the castle physician to set the bones and give us mild sedatives, but it took weeks for the bones to mend themselves.

“We learned our lesson, though, didn’t we?”

“Debatable,” Elijah says with a chuckle. “You know, my arm still aches with the first snow each year?”

“Mine does too!” I laugh heartily with him. As soon as it comes, it’s replaced with guilt.

“It feels wrong to laugh…” I trail off, not completely sure I meant to say the words aloud.

“Yeah, I know,” Ophelia agrees, Elijah nodding with her.

“But I don’t think—no, I know they wouldn’t want us to feel that way,” Elijah adds.

“Doesn’t make it any easier,” I say as I throw back the remainder of my drink. My head swims, skin buzzing from whatever Elijah put in this.

The anger from earlier still simmers just below the surface. The alcohol helps numb the pain, but it just makes me want to feel something else. All I’ve felt for days is pain, grief, anger, and guilt.