Page 35 of The Burdens We Share (Satan’s Angels #3)

My chest cracks as immense pain bursts inside me. Is this why Dallas is the way that he is? Why he’s so closed off? I never suspected he experienced such trauma, such pain. “I’m so sorry, Dallas.”

He continues, “The ambulance came and they tried to save her, but they couldn’t do anything because by the time they made it there, she was already dead.

” His brows pull together and one single tear rolls down his cheek.

“My father hates me to this day. He’ll never speak to me again because it was my fault she died.

If I had put my mother above that stupid fucking business meeting I had that day, she would still be here. ”

I shake my head and reach for him, but he’s too far away.

He doesn’t even look at me as I argue, “No, Dallas. That isn’t your fault.

That is way too much of a burden to put on yourself.

” I’m crying for him because I didn’t know he carried this around with him for this long.

While I smiled and laughed, Dallas was experiencing this pain. It feels so wrong.

“I made it my life’s mission after that to find the man who killed her.

And I did,” he explains as he finally looks up at me.

“The man who killed her is named Calvin Worshire. I knew him in the military and we were friends at one point. He, Harvey, and I were very close and he met and fell for a woman named Lita who was also serving with us. Lita got killed trying to help me in the field and he never forgave me for it. He blamed me for her death and when I left the military because of it, I never thought I would see him again, but he never forgot. He killed my mother years later as penance for Lita’s death.

He went absolutely batshit crazy when she died and he targeted my mother to get to me and now she’s gone. She’s gone because of me, Ivory.”

I want to comfort him, but the story is so dark I know I can’t offer him anything that will make this better.

I would once give anything to learn so much about Dallas, but this story is so heartbreaking, that I almost wish he never told me.

“I’m not telling you this so that you pity me.

I never talk about any of this and I hope now you can understand why I am the way that I am.

I told you all of this because I have never felt pain in my life like I felt when my mother died.

She was everything to me and when I heard those sirens coming, the police and the ambulance, the sound was ingrained in my mind along with my pain.

I never felt anything even remotely close to that again until the ambulance came for you yesterday. ”

Oh my God. I didn’t even consider that I could’ve triggered that kind of pain inside of him.

I didn’t even stop to consider what my stupid decisions could’ve done to him.

I feel like the worst person who ever walked the planet.

“I’m so sorry, Dallas. I never meant to do that to you, I just-” I sob and he’s holding me in an instant.

He’s seated on the bed beside me, holding me to his chest. “Shhh.” He tries to soothe me.

“I didn’t tell you all of that so that you would feel guilty, Ivory.

I told you because I want you to know that I haven’t felt fear like I did when you fainted since the night my mother died.

I told you because I care so much about you and the thought of you hurt kills me.

The thought that you could see yourself as anything but the way that I see you, tears me apart because you are fucking perfect to me, Ivory Aslan. ”

I sob harder into his chest at his admission. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Just promise me you’ll get better,” he pleads with me.

I grip his dress shirt so tight in my hands and realize he’s wearing the same suit as yesterday.

He never left my side the whole time I’ve been here.

The thought warms my heart. How could this man who is so damaged, so cold, care so much for broken little Ivory Aslan?

“You don’t understand what it’s like, Dallas,” I lament.

He strokes the back of my head tenderly, “I know. I don’t understand. But I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that I do understand and that I do everything in my power to help you.”

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “About your mother. I’m sorry you lost her and I’m so sorry you blame yourself for it. That burden isn’t yours to carry, Dallas.”

“It is, but I’ve accepted it.”

I ask, “Is he in jail?” I refer to his mother’s killer.

Dallas’ jaw clenches as if the thought of Calvin triggers his anger. “He was.”

I gasp, “They let him out?”

“No. He died,” Dallas spits.

It seems so unfair that he escaped his sentence so easily.

Lita chose to save Dallas’ life and I didn’t know her, but from that small piece of information, I know that she was a good person.

Her choice doesn’t reflect on Dallas or have anything to do with him so while I can understand that Calvin reacted to the death of the woman he loved, I can’t understand why he would be so hellbent on hating Dallas that he would go as far as to kill his mother.

I almost wish Calvin was alive so that he could continue to rot in jail.

He sighs, “Enough about him. I want to talk about you,” he changes the subject.

I lift my face up and he wipes the last of my tears from my cheeks as he vows, “I promise you, you aren’t alone. I’m going to be there with you every step of the way while you get better, okay?”

I give him a sad look, “This isn’t your burden to carry.”

He shakes his head, “You’re wrong. It’s ours to share now.” His voice is so affectionate, I just want to melt into it and him.

We just stare at each other in silence for a second, communicating in a way that we can’t with words. “Can you call the girls and Selene? It’s time I talk to them.”

––––––––

MY FRIENDS STARE AT me with pitying expressions on their faces, their lips sealed shut as we just stare at each other in silence, me in the hospital bed and them across from me. Dallas is at my side, seated in the chair next to my bed.

Selene stands with her arms crossed over her chest, her hip jutted out with a disappointed look on her face. I try not to look at her for too long because that look on her face being for me kills me.

I clear my throat, “Thank you for getting here so fast.” I try to break the ice.

Aria gives me a doubtful look, “Ivory, you know we would drop anything to be there for you. We would’ve been here sooner, but Dallas said you needed space.”

I sigh, “I know.”

Brody’s eyes look glassy as if she’s holding tears back and I realize she may be able to relate to what I’m going through.

Not only was Brody attacked in her hotel room, but she also struggled with image issues.

We have more in common than one would think.

“What’s going on with you, Iv? We’re all so worried about you. You haven’t been yourself for weeks.”

I exhale, “I know.”

Selene snaps, “Are you just gonna say ‘I know’ to everything? Because Ivory, let me let you in on a little secret, okay? You don’t know shit. If you did, you would never have done this to yourself.”

Brody sucks on a gasp and I wince at her words.

Dallas speaks up, his voice a clear warning, “Selene.”

Selene rounds on him next, “She was in your care while this was happening. How confident do you think that makes me in your capabilities?”

Oooooh, now I’m pissed. “This is not his fault, Selene. Do not ever blame him for this. This was my fault and I take full responsibility for it.”

Selene’s gaze shifts to meet mine and Brody asserts, “Selene, how can you say that?”

Selene growls, “Because I’m livid that this went on and I didn’t know!

I know everything all the time, often before it even happens and I didn’t know this.

I missed this! How could I have missed this?

” Her voice cracks at the end and vulnerability slips in.

She looks less angry at me and more angry at herself.

Pain slices through me at the thought of what I’m doing to the people I care about.

I reassure her, “It isn’t your fault.”

Selene has tears in her eyes, “You’re one of my best friends. You aren’t just a client. Seeing you like this is killing me, especially because if I had noticed sooner, I could’ve helped you. I’ve just been so caught up in my own shit.”

Now that she mentions it, Selene hasn’t been as present lately. Whatever she has going on, she hasn’t shared it with us. “I did a really good job of hiding it. Even from myself.”

Aria asks, “How did this happen?”

Anxiousness swirls around my gut as I think back to the beginning.

Sensing my nerves, Dallas reaches for my hand and gently squeezes in encouragement.

I take a long breath before I tell the truth.

“About a month or two ago, when I worked the Vivianne runway show, Nara pulled me aside after I walked and started ripping into me about my walk, my appearance, everything.

I thought it was just Nara being Nara, ridiculing me to nitpick and annoy me.

I was so used to her doing it and I never thought something was wrong with me or my body.

“But then Nara compared me to Cami Nolan, supermodel of all supermodels, and she got in my head and convinced me I needed to lose weight if I wanted to look like Cami. If I wanted to be her,” tears roll down my cheek as I tell the story.