Page 6

6

JORDYN

“ S ee you later, okay?” Jordan pulls me to him for a quick kiss and lets go, his wicked smile shooting straight to my core. After staying in his apartment last night, I woke up with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t have anything else to wear, so I ended up borrowing his shirt, the hem of which he tied tightly around my midriff. It’s not my style, but when I looked in the mirror, I actually liked what I saw. I watch his retreating back before he whirls around and plants a kiss on my forehead. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Whatever lingering happiness I feel vanishes into thin air when I step into the classroom. The air shifts and the usual chatter softens, replaced by barely-muffled giggles and hushed whispers.

My stomach drops as I scan the room, the knot in my belly getting heavier when I realize several pairs of eyes are on me. Me, the invisible girl. Me, the nameless and faceless one. Me, the one everybody ignores.

A group of girls near the back dart quick, fleeting glances at me, their heads bending closer to each other. They’re not even trying to hide it. Their voices are just loud enough to let me and the rest of the class know who they’re talking about.

“He’s playing her, and she’s too blind to notice.”

“Didn’t he used to date a cheerleader?”

“I remember! God, what a downgrade.”

“Maybe it’s a charity thing? Or he lost a bet? That definitely sounds like something Jordan would do.”

“He’s way too hot for someone like her.”

I grip the strap of my bag and force myself to move, and look away. My heart sinks deeper as I walk toward my seat in the front row. I can feel their eyes on me, burning my back and suffocating me.

Sliding into my chair and ignoring the pitiful look my seatmate, Kaya, gives me, I set my bag down quietly on the floor. I keep my face blank and my movements deliberate, as though pretending not to notice might make it hurt less.

This is why I hate people. And why I made it my lifelong mission to avoid them.

One of the girls slides into the empty seat to my right, and I take out my notebook and pencil case just to have something to do.

“Hi, I’m Donna.” She doesn’t offer me her hand, just rests her chin on her palm and looks me up and down.

“Jordyn.”

“Oh, ha. Now I get it.”

I want her to leave me alone and go about her day. I don’t know her, and I haven’t done anything to deserve any of these. I don’t respond, but Donna seems like the type who loves the sound of her own voice.

“You know, we’ve been debating why Jordan’s going all PDA with you. That’s so not like him. Marianne thought he lost a bet with Toby. Dani’s money was on him taking you on as a charity case. I believed Jordan just wanted to have fun.”

I still haven’t said anything, but I wish the professor would be early for once and arrive right now. This is not a conversation I want to take part in.

“Now I know why. You have the same name.” I turn to see a triumphant smile on her face, like she has figured out the world’s most difficult riddle.

“So?” I ask despite myself.

“So if you know Jordan, you know he likes to do things for fun. He probably thought it would be funny if he said, ‘I slept with Jordyn.’ That’s so on-brand for him.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat, my insecurities and lack of self-esteem rearing their ugly heads. “He won’t do that.”

“Oh, honey. He’s slept with half the female population in this school, including some professors. You’re not that special.”

With that parting shot, she flicks her hair and strides toward her friends. I jump in my seat when Kaya reaches out and squeezes my hand, forcing me to blink quickly to stop the tears from falling.

This isn’t how I expected my day would go. As it turns out, it’s about to get worse.

I don’t have any appetite for lunch, so I decide to grab coffee and a croissant instead. The chill in the air bites at my skin as I stand frozen on the sidewalk across from my favorite cafe.

Jordan sits at a table by the window, but he’s not alone.

He’s with someone who looks my age, but the similarity stops there. This girl is beautiful, sexy, and confident—all the things I’m not, all the things I’ll never be. She looks so at ease with him, like they’ve known each other for years. She fixes her short red bob in the reflection and leans in as she laughs at something he said.

He’s laughing too. That loud, unguarded laugh I know so well.

A strange mix of hurt, betrayal, and disbelief swirls within me. I can’t move. I can’t even walk away. The wind whips at my face, and I finally blink. I run away before either of them can see me.

I rush back to the campus and bump into a guy in the hallway. “Oh, sorry,” I mumble.

I look up and see Toby. He stares at my face, my tears falling freely now. With a scowl, he guides me to the nearest empty classroom. “Hey, you okay? Should I call Jordan?”

“No!”

His face hardens. “Did he do something to you? Did he hurt you in any way?”

He already saw me crying, so what the hell. The words tumble out of me before I even realize. “I saw him with someone.”

His forehead creases. “Where? What were they doing?”

“At a coffee shop. She’s hanging on to his arm, laughing.”

“And him?”

Remembering what Jordan looked like brings fresh tears to my eyes. “He looked at her lovingly, also laughing.”

Toby scratches the back of his neck, doubt and confusion lining his forehead. “And you’re sure this is Jordan?”

“I’m not blind.”

He opens his mouth, then closes it, and opens it again. “I’m not saying you are. It’s just that … he’s been obsessed with you since the semester started. You know, that first day in class when you both responded to his name. He charmed Mrs. Kim from the admin office so he could access the student files, and he printed your photo off it. He’s been keeping it in his wallet. Which I wasn’t on board with.”

“What?”

Toby smiles softly. “Creepy, right? I’ve known him for twelve years, and he’s never done that. Every time you said no to him, he would come home dejected. It was hella weird seeing him like that.”

I want to feel happy at this revelation, but I can’t. I’ve seen Jordan with my own eyes. That doesn’t explain any of this. “So why? Why would he do that?”

Toby pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “I don’t know. Listen, tell me what the girl looks like.”

Just like that, my gut clenches. “She’s beautiful, and they look like the perfect match.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I-I have to go. Thank you for whatever this is.”

“Jordyn… Talk to him, at least.”

“I will.”

For the record, I hate confrontations. I hate talking to someone when I’m still marinating in anger. I feel like if I open my mouth when I’m still seething, I will end up saying things I’m going to regret later.

This is going to suck; I just know it. The day will most likely end with me bawling my eyes out in bed and stuffing my face with ice cream and chips.

My palms are sweaty, and my jaw is clenched. The irrational part of my brain tells me to stop while I still have a chance and go home and sleep it off. The rational part screams at me to get this over with.

I have to knock on his door three times before I hear some scuffling inside, and the door opens. I suck in a sharp breath.

It’s her. The girl. Up close, she’s even more beautiful, with her long lashes, high cheekbones, and heart-shaped lips. Someone whose face should be on magazines or billboards. Someone those girls back in class would never snicker about.

I hate her so much. And I hate that I don’t look anywhere like her.

Jordan appears behind her, his hair damp from the shower as he towels it off. Our gazes lock, but instead of guilt, his face breaks into a smile.

Wait, what?

This throws me off and hurts me more than it should, like he lodged a hot knife into my chest and twisted it.

My vision narrows, and all I see are both of them—two perfect humans who look so good together. I stand there, hollow and aching, and try to breathe through it. Every inhale is heavier, and every exhale is shakier.

It’s like watching a glass break in slow motion, knowing it will shatter into pieces, but I’m powerless to stop it.

It was good while it lasted. He was still worth giving my virginity to, for whatever it’s worth.