Page 34 of The Boy Next Door

Frozen as I stand outside in the winter, the cold front inside me is unrelated to the weather. I struggle to breathe, fighting the tears and panic. A single thought gives me hope: Hunter is still in front of me.

Yes, the sky has fallen and the worst happened. Yet there's a chance to explain. Make this right.

"Hunter, please..."

Damn my traitorous tongue, it won't let me continue. Hunter received a note that was never meant for him. What can I say to change the past? Nothing.

"Of course the note was for Dylan," he barks over his shoulder, heading for his front door. "Why did I-I can't believe I didn't see it sooner."

"Let me explain."

As he turns around, Hunter acts out a car accident in reverse. Pale and shaken, all the wreckage on his face destroys me because I caused it, but it's even worse when he sucks it all back inside until no emotion remains on his blank face.

Deciding not to talk in his front yard—or invite me in—he leads me toward the pond at the side of his house. Weirdly, I don't even care where this happens. Only that it does happen. We could do this in front of my whole school. I just need to make this right.

The pond is kinda depressing, a dark hole with no fish or water during the winter. No flowers bloom nearby, and Hunter is anything but friendly.

"Do you wanna chat about how our entire relationship is a lie?" he wonders darkly. "Because I got the message already."

"No, it's something I never saw coming," I rush to say. "But I do like you!"

"Okay, sure. Whatever."

Searching him for any sign of lingering emotion, I find nothing. I'm chilled on two fronts, him and the temperature. Hunter probably doesn't notice the latter. He's made of ice.

"That's it?" I wonder helplessly. "It's over? Just because of how this started?"

"Sam, it's about how this continued. " His jaw tightens as he grits out, "I assumed your note was for me, I've been an idiot this whole time, and you never told me the truth. How am I supposed to believe anything you say right now?"

"I-I'm sorry," I whisper, desperately wishing for a better answer. "I was afraid of how you'd react."

"Would I have been pissed and stormed out?

Probably. Then I'd get over myself because you came clean, even though I made it as difficult as possible.

" His cold eyes freeze me all over again.

"That didn't happen here. Honestly, I'm a little surprised.

The truth is out, we can stop. Aren't you relieved? "

"No!" I reach out. "I'm not pretending, my feelings for you are real."

He steps away, heading back toward his front door. "Shouldn't you go jumping into Dylan's arms?"

"We didn't do anything!" I yell.

He pauses. "Wow, that sure sounds guilty."

"Hunter, please listen to me.” With him upset and not inclined to stick around, I’m not sure I can get the whole story out, so I give him the gist. “Yes, the note was intended for Dylan and that made things kind of complicated. It took a while to sort out how I really felt. But you’re everything I never knew I needed and I’m so glad I got the chance to discover that. ”

"Save it." He shakes his head, walking away again. "Doesn't matter anymore."

"Hunter, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I follow helplessly, hoping my words, however inadequate, will somehow reach him. "I like you, I swear. I want us—"

He turns to face me and it's horrible.

"There's no us," Hunter says. "Not anymore."

~

After Hunter dumped me, I barely get inside my house before collapsing, tears falling freely as I slump to the floor.

Over the following days, getting out of bed is nearly impossible.

"Are you going to eat dinner?" Dad asks through my door.

"Uggghhh," I respond.

The worst part? Hunter was everything I never knew I desired, and we were together. Then I got scared. I let myself be weak and doubted everything. Then the moment I was sure, it was too late.

No, that’s not true.

No, I was weak the whole time.

From falling into dates with Hunter and never confessing to Dylan, I acted like a passenger in my own life, just along for the ride. I never should have started a relationship under false pretenses.

Should I have come clean after Hunter kissed me the first time? Then I could have asked if we could start over or go on a date, because that was some kiss...

Will Hunter even give me another chance?

Someone knocks at my door.

"Son, I made you hot chocolate."

"No thanks."

Dad's peace offering doesn't appeal to me.

"Wanna watch Monsters Inc. like we did when you were younger and scared of—"

"I'm not scared!" I shout.

"Right..."

"Not interested."

As a kid, I sometimes hid in bed when scared of the outside world. This time, the threat is here with me, it is me.

I knew Hunter's insecurities and yet I thought what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. And even though he has nothing to fear from Dylan, I came dangerously close to throwing everything away because of his younger brother before I realized that.

Despite my desperation to prove I moved on from the weak, scared little boy I used to be, I lacked the strength to forget everything else and just follow my heart.

I should have believed in myself, even if nobody else did.

If I knew how to follow my instincts and listen to myself, if I hadn't trusted other's judgement more than my own, maybe I'd have realized who was in my heart sooner and not been afraid to follow its lead.