Page 31 of The Bootlegger’s Bride

H e spied Raymond’s two-tone Dodge in the high school parking lot. Most other cars had already left. A.J. carried his gym bag to it, tossed it in the back seat and slid in beside his uncle. Lomax depressed the clutch pedal and ground the starter.

“Tough loss,” he said, steering the sedan left onto Madison Avenue. “Always stings to lose to Collinsville. You played a good game. Got another tricky one next week at East St. Louis.”

A.J. rolled down the window. The sun was dropping low to his left, the autumn air cooling.

He took in a deep breath and blew it out.

Now was as good a time as any to tell him.

Aunt Helen would be home from work soon.

Better to do it man-to-man without the two of them ganging up on him.

Besides, Uncle Raymond was a softer touch.

Maybe he could win him over and have him carry the ball with his aunt.

“Not me.”

His uncle glanced at him. “What gives? You get hurt?”

“I’m finished with it.”

“What? You’re quitting the team?

“Quitting school.”

Raymond Lomax turned left onto Nameoki Road then looked to A.J.

“You having more trouble with that Gibson kid and his pals?”

A.J. snorted. “They turn tail whenever they see me coming… No, it’s not that, Uncle. I’m joining the Marines. Talked to a recruiter last week.”

Raymond’s hands tightened on the steering wheel and his eyes went to the rearview mirror. They drove in silence until they reached Morrison Road and turned toward home.

“What is it, son? What’s the problem?”

“Not just one thing. Just fed up. You know I always hated school.”

“You love reading and books. We figured you’d be headed to college next year. Been putting money aside.”

“I’m just not ready. Maybe in four years I’ll feel different. And I’d have the G.I. Bill and my inheritance. Can call my own shots then.”

“You know how I feel about the military.”

“Given family history you’d think I’d feel the same. But I don’t. Besides, there’s no war going on. I like the idea of doing something physical and learning how to handle myself. Being part of a team.”

“You sound like a recruiting poster. Besides, Jim Gibson might argue that you already handle yourself just fine.”

A.J. smiled as the Dodge moved up their driveway toward the lake and rolled to a stop beside the garage. Raymond killed the engine and turned to him.

“This all seems so abrupt and rash. What’s the hurry?”

A.J. looked at his uncle. “There are things I haven’t told you.

Things I’ve been reading up on and trying to understand…

You’ve been like a father to me, and Aunt Helen like a mother.

But I’m still an orphan to the world and to myself.

It does something to you. Even though I was never alone, part of me felt like it.

A door had shut behind me and the bolt slid. My parents are on the other side.”

Lomax let out a breath and nodded. A.J. went on.

“Instead of beating on that door and crying I need to turn my back to it and face the future on my own, and on my own terms… I’ve been reading about orphans and studying the orphan archetype in history and myth and literature.

Orphans have things in common. A lot of our heroes both real and fictional were orphans—Moses, Aristotle, Huck Finn, Madame Curie, Superman.

Without family obligations they had a certain liberty.

And because they were on their own they had to be self-reliant and self-confident.

That’s what enabled them to be heroic. I don’t expect to be a Superman.

I just want to live my own life and not some pre-ordained cookie-cutter existence. ”

Raymond studied the Dodge’s 8-ball steering wheel knob, thinking.

“Of course you have to live your own life, A.J. I’m glad you’re studying up on things that matter, taking your life seriously.

Nonetheless, I think that the smart thing would be to hold tight for a few more months, finish out the school year, and go on to the future fully loaded instead of half-cocked. ”

“I don’t want to do the smart thing, I want to do the right thing.

I want to make my life an adventure. I’m not looking for a secure life—already got that handed to me.

And I don’t want to be a sheep doing somebody else’s bidding.

I want to fight villains and slay demons—the ones inside me to start with. ”

Raymond smiled and shook his head. “You sound like your father. I can’t say you’re wrong to follow your heart, A.J. Though your aunt will feel like it’s her fault, like we haven’t made a good enough home for you that you want to run away from it. Maybe I feel the same.”

A.J. swallowed. “It’s a wonderful home. You’re my family. You’re all I got.”

The sky was darkening. He felt the damp from the lake rising and turned his head toward it, sensing his uncle’s eyes on him.

Raymond sighed. “I know what your aunt will say. Finish out the school year and get your diploma.”

“I can always get a G.E.D., no sweat.”

“You’d be letting down your teammates. You’d be a quitter. That’s what Coach Nordstrom will say.”

A.J. sat silent, thinking. Then, “Coach has been terrific. He’s helped me a lot and always backed me.”

“Maybe you should talk to him first. At least finish out the semester and the football season. It’s only another month or two. And then see how you feel about the last semester.”

“Maybe you’re right, but there’s another problem—Lana.”

“Lana? Thought you were hooked on her. I know she worships you.”

“She’s a big reason why I need to go now.”

“Why? What’s happened?”

He turned back to face his uncle. “Nothing yet. I just don’t want to get her in trouble.”

“Oh, Jesus, A.J.”

“We’re real careful and everything. But we’re pretty crazy about each other and sometimes get carried away. Besides, nothing’s foolproof. We had a scare last month. I don’t want to get stuck here and screw up her plans for med school, too.”

His uncle sat pursing his lips and nodding at A.J. “Good to see you’re trying to be responsible and do the right thing by her. But I’m not sure that’s something I want to mention to Helen.”

“Wish you wouldn’t.”

“Though maybe she could talk to Lana woman-to-woman, give her a few pointers.”

“Forget it. She’s already talked with her mom.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t say anything to Helen. But maybe the three of us should sit down together and talk this over. It affects us all, you know. We’re a family.”

A.J. realized he’d been holding his breath and exhaled.

“Sure, Uncle Raymond, sure. I don’t want to leave the lake and you all and my home. It’s just that I have to.”

“I know. Sooner or later you have to. Just wish it was a little later. I know you’ve made up your mind, and we can’t stop you. But understand that no matter what you do and where you go you’ll always have a home here.”

A.J. felt his chest tighten and bit his bottom lip. “Most people only have one family. I’ve had two. So I guess I’m really lucky after all.”

§

That night A.J. lay abed unable to sleep, thinking and imagining what might have been.

A fruitless exercise, perhaps even damaging, yet maybe all orphans did it.

Maybe all people did it. What if? What if Fate would have wobbled in a more benign direction?

What if his father had dodged a bullet in France.

What if his parents were still alive? He pictured big game hunting in Africa with his dad.

Fishing for char with him and Eskimo guides above the Arctic Circle.

Benefitting from his mother’s literary guidance and tender hand.

Perhaps he would have had a younger brother or sister.

He imagined family vacations in Florida and France.

Family outings, family dinners, festive Christmas mornings, and holiday parties with relatives and friends gathered round the fireplace.

Having a dad to play catch with. Having a sober mother to help him with his homework.

What would it be like not to be angry, defensive, and hostile toward the world?

To have friends instead of pushing people away and scaring everyone off?

What would it be like to be happy? What would it be like to be someone else?

But he was a young man with his life ahead of him.

Still time to be that other person. By force of will to remake himself into the man he could have been and might still be.

Or someone he could never imagine. But to achieve that metamorphosis he would have to kill off who he now was, a prospect that chilled him.

As much as he would like to shed the belligerent persona enveloping and confining him, that protective cocoon was all he had.

The thought of not being himself and being someone entirely different and new and not knowing who that stranger was going to be—it made him feel like being abandoned all over again, being thrown out into the world naked and defenseless.

Further, he had to do it all on his own…

Or did he? Aunt Helen and Uncle Raymond were there to guide and comfort him.

And so was his worldly godfather Bogdan.

Then there was Lana, Lonnie Sullivan, Coach Nordstrom, his teachers, teammates, and classmates, all ready to help shape him if he would just let them.

Yes, he was an orphan. No, he was not alone.

With that final thought he finally drifted off, sailing away on a mystery ship across a dark sea…