Page 18

Zailah

When the doctor was dithering about, I picked up a vial of the silver and wrapped my hand around it. They could all fuck off and find another lab rat. It was almost a month since that fateful night our paths crossed, but I was sick of being collared and locked in a cage.

“Right, let's go,” he said.

I don't think he had ever called me by my name once. When we came out of the lab, I looked and couldn't see Remus anywhere. He made me nervous even though I tried to remain indifferent to him. I wouldn't put it past him to feed me that creepy bastard Shelton. I gagged at the thought.

Dr Lawrence stopped abruptly, and I almost walked into him.

“Are you alright?”

he asked with a frown.

“I’m fine,”

I said but dipped my head down so he wouldn't see my anger.

Some nights, I woke up in cold sweats thinking about the long metal needles they stuck inside of me. I knew he would use them again to retest how fast my organs and skin healed. His concern wasn't for me as a person but as his test subject.

He opened my cage door, and I dutifully went inside it, clutching the vial in the palm of my hand. Once I heard him lock the door, I looked around the dark room. It might have a toilet, shower, and a bed, but the window was covered with silver bars, the glass windows were frosted, and I couldn't see anything. It may as well have been a cement wall. There was little light since the nights were darker now.

I opened my hand and looked at the glass vial before I held it up. The silver looked so pretty. I felt a stab of fear at the thought of dying but swallowed hard and pushed past it. Had my mother been alive, my going missing would have killed her.

I gripped the vial in my hand again before I sat on the bed with my back to the wall and crossed my legs to contemplate my options. In two days, I would turn into that beast again. I touched the collar around my neck. Remus had reduced me to an animal in more ways than one. I felt a lonely tear trickle down my face. I don't know how long I sat there, but my heart felt like winter, cold and icy. I opened my palm and looked at the vial. It needed to end. All of it.

This place, Remus, the Doctor. I wanted to be free.

I heard footsteps approaching my room, and I stuffed the vial beneath my pillow. It would be someone with my food. I cringed when I thought of Michael bringing me food. He would hint that he had contaminated it, and I didn't touch food on those days. When I did need to eat, I would take forever to inspect it.

Remus stood by the silver bars with a small pizza box. He twisted the box to the side until it was slotted between the silver bars. He held it out for me.

“I’m not hungry,”

I said before I looked away from him again.

I heard him drop it inside my room.

“Stop being childish and eat,”

he snapped at me before I heard him growl in frustration and walk away.

I remember when he made me eat from the dog bowl and how they all used the collar against me. I looked upwards, hoping my mother was somewhere, as I reached for the vial.

“I love you, Mama,”

I whispered before opening the lid.

I glanced at the camera and raised the vial towards it as my final fuck you to Remus before I drank the entire contents. As soon as it touched my tongue, it burned fiercely, and I struggled to swallow it. The burning sensation ran into my oesophagus, and I clutched at the collar before I held my mouth, not wanting to give in to the need to vomit it back up.

I slumped onto the bed, and my eyes were on the green, red and white pizza box. I wondered what kind he had ordered before I felt my entire body burn.

“M-Mum,”

I stuttered, hoping that picturing her beautiful face would ease my pain.

The pain lanced my heart, and this time, I welcomed it.

I was free.