Page 24 of The Blind Lyon (The Lyon’s Den Connected World)
“Yes.” For long moments, she was silent again before she spoke. “I feared I would forever be lost to grief and the fear that going out of my home brought.” Tissue paper crackled. Had she lifted the bouquet to her nose? “Within that dark cloud, I missed much of life.”
“Like what?” He hoped she would take him further into her world.
“For instance, the ducks and geese on the water here. Watching them, hearing them is quite soothing and lovely. As are the antics of the children who are splashing in the shallow end of the river.” Emotion made her voice smoky and mysterious.
“It reminds me that there is, indeed, a world out here full of life, and that I don’t need to cut myself off from it because I’m afraid. ”
“Yet you can’t escape that fear, for something else arrives to renew that emotion.”
“I knew you would understand.” Annette took one of his hands in both of hers. Perhaps she’d laid her flowers in her lap. “All of that to say I am compelled to tell you something that might affect our life together.”
Ah, so something had worried her during this outing. “Oh?” He was intrigued but worried. “Go ahead, so that I may set your mind at ease.”
“I don’t know if that is possible.” Agitation sounded in her voice.
“During my marriage to Timothy, I fell pregnant twice. We were both so excited about starting a family, but those hopes and dreams were dashed because I miscarried both the children.” Such pain reflected in her tone, that concern tightened his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Annette.” When the soft sound of crying reached his ears, indecision racked him. What should he do? They were in public, and it didn’t seem like the time to usher her back up the path to where their carriage waited, so he merely sat next to her.
“Thank you.” She accepted the handkerchief he put into her hand.
“I mourned those losses so much, Peregrine. I wanted those babes, as they were part of both me and Timothy.” A half-stifled sob escaped her throat.
“I don’t have a likeness of him left now, except the matching miniature portrait that was done the same time mine was, the one he was clutching when he died. ”
“Aw, sweeting.” Silence brewed between them for a long time as he thought carefully over his words.
“So much grief and sadness. So much suffering you have already met in this life. It doesn’t seem quite fair.
” He turned toward her, and their knees knocked together.
Tingles went up his legs from the contact.
“I’m sorry for your losses. That is difficult no matter how one looks at it, but I will tell you that I’ll sit with you in your grief if you need it, but please, don’t lock yourself away from me again. You’re not alone any longer.”
“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you.” She laid a gloved palm against the side of his face, and he reveled in that touch. “Truthfully, I didn’t wish to tell you about the pregnancy losses.”
“Why?” A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. “If it hurts you, it hurts me.”
She glanced her fingertips along his chin, his eyebrows, his lips, and he sat quietly, not wanting to break the connection.
“Because I know you need an heir. What if I am unable to provide you that? What if I can’t carry a child to a full-term pregnancy?
” Her voice broke, and the pain there stabbed through his chest, for he couldn’t shield her from it. “What if—”
“What if the world suddenly ends or a wild bear rampages through London?” he interrupted with a soft chuckle that he hoped would diffuse her worry.
“I beg your pardon?” Confusion filled the inquiry.
“Just this.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed the back. “There are any number of things that can happen in the future. What fate has chosen will arrive whether we worry over it or not, so there is no use fretting. You will only be driven mad.”
“But your heir…” A bit of hysteria rang in her tone.
“Annette, calm yourself.” Allan cupped her cheek, and that act of intimacy gave him strength to continue even as her admission might have a profound effect on their future.
“As I told you before, my sister has a son. He can inherit the duchy if need be.” He drew his thumb along her bottom lip.
“Would I like children? Yes, but they are not necessary for me to enjoy my life or find fulfillment therein.”
“Oh, I…”
When she trembled, he continued. “I married you, because I wanted you. Not what you can possibly give me or do for me or connect me with.” Daring much, he gently pressed his lips to hers despite the fact they were in public and anyone could see them.
“I want you still. Wherever our path leads, we will walk it together.”
“Are you certain?” So much hope threaded through those words that it physically hurt his chest, squeezed at his heart. “Society says a woman is useless if she can’t bear children.”
“I am quite certain, and I make it a habit to never lie. It wastes time and hurts feelings.” He held her head between his palms. “I am already without sight; I don’t wish to be without compassion and empathy as well.
As for what society says? They can go hang.
Nothing matters except what you and I decide is what we want. ”
“Oh, Peregrine.” Wonder infused the soft words. “You are one of the most romantic men I have ever met.”
When he chuckled, she snorted. “Which isn’t saying much, for I have the feeling you haven’t met that many men in your life.”
She giggled and the sound went straight to his heart as well as his stones.
“That is also true, but the sentiment still stands.” Then she melted into his arms despite the fact they were out in the open.
“Thank you for being… well, you. Not many men would prove so understanding. The subject of heirs and children seems to rile men up. Even Timothy, despite how much he loved me, was disappointed after the second loss, and I fear it was in a different way than I was.”
“I am glad to show you that not all men are the same.” Only too eager to feel that closeness with her, Allan wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side.
When she laid her head on his shoulder, he didn’t think he could feel any more happy or victorious than he did in that moment.
“We will get on together as best we can, and as long as we have each other, I don’t think it will be such a bad existence, hmm? ”
“It won’t, and there are other ways to have children should we want them.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead beneath the shallow brim of her bonnet. It was rather… lovely to have a wife. Why had he delayed a marriage for so long?