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CHAPTER 1

THOSE WHO KNOW despair once knew hope...

Those who know loss once knew love...

The voice of the man who’d ordered my husband’s death echoed in my ears, as did the crack my phone made when I hurled it against the wall after I hung up on him.

As if killing Black wasn’t bad enough, now he had to call me and gloat over it? And not only that, if I tried to do anything about the state of affairs, he’d start taking out the other people I cared for. The situation made me want to break bones. His bones.

But that was out of the question.

As I stormed out of the control room and down the corridor, memories of Black’s death flew through my head, crystal clear as if it had happened yesterday. And I was mad. Mad in a way I’d never been before.

Employees scattered like bowling pins as I marched along the hallways. One glance at my face and they decided keeping quiet and getting out of my way was the best approach to take. A wise move.

I needed to get rid of my anger before I took it out on someone who didn’t deserve it, and a punchbag seemed the best way.

A handful of guys looked up when I walked into the gym, their expressions quickly turning confused.

“Just leave, would you? I need this place to myself.”

They filed out as I taped up my wrists, hands, and ankles—I may have been furious but I wasn’t stupid—and I spent the best part of an hour punching and kicking a heavy bag into submission. If any moment called for a string of swear words, it was this one, but the stubborn part of me was still determined to win the bet I’d made with Black all those months ago. Somehow, if I kept up the challenge, I could almost imagine he was still around.

By the end of the session, I’d collapsed in a puddle of sweat, but at least I felt calmer. Movement caught my eye as Nick and Alex appeared in the doorway. Nick looked a little bit nervous.

“Glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of that,” he said.

Alex, ever the critic, told me in his thick Russian accent, “Make sure you keep your head up, and your left arm was too straight on your hooks.”

Thanks for that .

“I wasn’t exactly worrying about my form.”

“Just saying. Apart from that, you did all right.” High praise indeed from Alex.

Nick walked over and sat on one of the weight machines.

“Nate said you had a call from Black’s killer.”

“That’s right.”

“And?”

“And nothing. I have to put it out of my mind because otherwise it’ll make me so angry I won’t be able to think straight.”

“I’m surprised you don’t want to retaliate.”

“You think I haven’t considered it? Believe me, the desire for revenge has been eating away at my insides like cancer. And if it was just me that my decision affected, I would go after him. I’d hunt him till my dying breath. But it isn’t just me. He threatened everyone around me last time, and he did it again today. I couldn’t carry on with your blood on my hands. There are enough days when I don’t care whether I live or die as it is.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to let him get away with murder?” Nick managed to mix disappointment and incredulity in two short sentences.

“If it means you and Nate, Carmen, Dan, and Mack get to live long and happy lives, then yes, that’s precisely what I’m going to do.”

“Every single one of us would be right behind you if you made a move to find him, you know that, right?”

“Yes. And believe me, your loyalty means everything. Which is exactly why I’m sitting on my hands. I’d rather have you alive and loyal than dead and loyal.”

“What if he does the same thing to somebody else’s husband? Or son? Or brother?” Nick asked.

“You think that hasn’t crossed my mind either? The way he is, he’s done it already, many times over. And there’s no doubt in my mind he’ll carry on doing it. But while that’s a tragedy, as long as none of his victims are you guys, I can live with it. Am I being selfish? Undoubtedly.” Nick held my gaze, and I knew my words didn’t please him. “And for Pete’s sake, stop putting me on a guilt trip, will you? I’ve been doing enough of that myself.”

“Well, someone’s got to say it.”

“You’ve said it. Now lay off.” I turned my back on him and half-heartedly started on the bag again.

“I can’t. I’ve talked to the others and we all feel the same. It’s our decision as much as yours.”

I fixed my eyes on the wall beyond Nick and sighed with a heaviness that matched my heart.

“I never wanted to have to say this, but I’m now the majority shareholder in this company, so if you want to commit resources to the problem, it has to go through me first. And I’m telling you we’re not pursuing this.”

There I was, living up to my reputation of being a female dog with the world’s biggest bark.

“I never wanted to have to say this, but I’m disappointed in you.”

“Fine, join the club. You’re not the only one.”

I sat down on the nearest weight machine as Nick stomped off. Well, to put it more honestly, I collapsed. His words hurt me. Deeply. But no matter, I was sticking to my guns. I couldn’t feel much worse than I had before, so if everybody decided to be angry with me then that was just the way it was. At least they were alive.

Instead of dwelling on things I wasn’t willing to change, I threw myself into the drugs case I was working on and stayed away from Blackwood as much as possible. I ran the investigation out of my home, Little Riverley, and cultivated the image of a lone wolf. For the most part, people stayed away from me. It didn’t take a genius to work out Nate had told them what happened, and they’d all sided with him and Nick.

The only people who weren’t annoyed at me were Bradley, who shied away from any form of conflict unless it was on a reality TV show, and Tia, my ex-boyfriend’s sister who didn’t know the whole story anyway. She’d called me from England a few times, moaning about life in general and exams in particular. Just having her talk to me as if I was a normal person cheered me up more than she could have imagined.

“Exams are so pointless. What use is a polynomial function in the real world?”

She had me there. I didn’t have a clue what a polynomial function was, and I didn’t feel I was missing out on anything because of that.

“No idea, but you need to get good grades to go to university.”

“I don’t know if I even want to go to uni. You didn’t go, and you’ve done all right.”

“Don’t say that in front of Luke, whatever you do. He’ll think I’ve been encouraging you to abandon your education.”

I nearly added, “And I’m in his bad books at the moment already,” but I managed to stop myself. Information on a need to know basis only. Her brother, Luke, was dating my friend Mack. Mack was annoyed about my stance on Black’s killer, so by extension, Luke wasn’t happy with me either.

“Okay, I won’t. But I’m not sure I want to spend three years of my life stuck in more lectures.”

“Promise me you’ll at least try hard in your exams and keep your options open?”

“Fine, I will.” Tia didn’t sound particularly convinced.

“Look, if you get straight As, and Luke agrees, I’ll think of something fun for us to do afterwards. How about that?”

“Like a trip or something?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Gotta go. Need to study.”

Tia hung up in a hurry. Bribery worked wonders for politicians, so why not a teenager? Hopefully, she really would put some effort in.

I know I did. I worked stupidly hard that week, seething about my husband’s killer the entire time. In my head, I’d christened him Blanco—the anti-Black—and I imagined him as an over-the-top movie villain. In my quieter moments, I fantasised about dropping a house on him and seeing his feet shrivel up under the edge.

At least the DEA didn’t seem to care about what I wasn’t doing to catch him. In fact, the DEA didn’t seem to care what I did at all as long as I got them results. Over the next seven days, I took out three dealers, one supplier, found a decent-sized stash of bad coke stored in what looked like an ordinary suburban house, and gave them a fair few leads to the next step up the food chain.

I also got shot at twice, attacked with a machete once, twisted my ankle jumping from the second floor of a building, then got hideously drunk in a bar with my new DEA buddies at the end of it.

After waking up with a headache that convinced me the devil himself was holding a party in my skull, I decided perhaps I deserved a day off.

What’s more, it was my official birthday, as per my passport and the genuine fake birth certificate Black had supplied me with when we first met, and how better to celebrate than by spending the day in bed with a hangover, feeling sorry for myself and pretending the world outside didn’t exist? Thankfully Alex had the day off, or he’d have thrown cold water over me then dragged me out for a run. I knew this because it had happened before.

As it was, I managed to sleep until almost noon before Seth in the guardhouse woke me up. My phone blared with the sound of Pearl Jam’s Black , which I’d set as my ringtone after drinking most of a bottle of wine.

“There’s a guy here with a package for you.”

“So? Can’t you bring it to the house?

He ignored my tetchiness and kept his tone professional. “He’s insisting you come and sign for it yourself.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

I rolled out of bed, groaning as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Shoes. I needed shoes. One of my favourite Converse had a hole in it, but they were comfortable so I didn’t care.

The guardhouse lay three hundred yards from the main house, and a swarthy-looking man hovered outside it next to a black Mercedes, top of the range. He stood about six feet four, and his black outfit matched his neck tattoo nicely. Not exactly your usual courier, and a complete contrast with the package he held out to me, which was wrapped in pink paper and adorned with bows and ribbons.

He grinned, well, sort of. On him it was more of a grimace, and sunlight glinted off a gold tooth.

“Boss said I had to give this directly to you.”

I held out one hand. He placed the box in it then got into the car and drove off without another word.

Seth raised an eyebrow.

“Just a birthday gift from an old friend.”

He nodded as if it was the most natural thing in the world for a dude who looked like he’d escaped from prison to turn up with a froufrou little parcel for me. Mind you, after some of the things Bradley had brought through those gates, I suppose nothing surprised him anymore.

Back in my bedroom, I unwrapped the box. Inside, a stunning necklace lay nestled in plum velvet, platinum, an infinity symbol that glittered under the ceiling lights. One half was studded with white diamonds, the other with black. Stunning, unique, and no doubt expensive.

The card that accompanied it came in a pink envelope, and I slid it out. Nothing special, a cake with candles and Happy Birthday written above. A note fluttered to the floor when I opened it.

Dearest Angel,

I hope your heart is starting to heal after your loss. Somebody once told me that time was a great healer, and although when she said it I didn’t believe her, over the years I found it to be true. I hope you are able to find your closure as I found mine. If there is any assistance I can offer, I will always be here.

E

No sooner had I finished reading when Seth called again. “Emmy, some guy’s arrived with a car, and he says it’s for you. You didn’t mention anything about a delivery?”

“Nope, I haven’t ordered a car. What kind is it?”

“Uh, it’s in a truck. Hang on.” Voices mumbled in the background. “A Corvette, apparently. A Stingray.”

“Sorry, I still didn’t order it. Kind of wish I had, though.”

After more muffled chatter Seth came back. “The delivery guy insists it’s for you.”

“Can I speak to him?”

“Sure.”

After some fumbling, the phone was handed over.

“I understand you have a car you’re trying to deliver,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s what I keep trying to tell these clowns. The paperwork specifically says it needs to be delivered today, to Emerson Black, at this address, at twelve thirty in the afternoon. The guy even paid extra for that.”

“What guy?”

“Says Charles Black on the paperwork. Address just down the road.”

“When was it ordered?”

I heard rustling as he checked. “Last October. Right after the new model was announced.”

Oh my gosh. Black had bought me a car. A heaviness settled in my chest as I recalled sitting in our office a month before he died, sipping coffee while watching an internet clip of the latest upgraded Corvette. I’d jokingly said I’d have a black one with a dark purple leather interior. And because Black was Black and he didn’t mess around, I bet he’d called to order it the moment I’d stepped out of the room.

“What colour is it?”

“Black.”

“And the inside?”

“Nightshade leather, special order. I think that’s a fancy term for purple.”

I leaned against the cool wall, blinking away the prickly feeling from the corners of my eyes.

“Okay, it sounds like it might be for me after all. Can you put the guard back on, please?”

When Seth came on the line again, I told him to let the truck driver in, and I’d go down to meet him. Pull yourself together, Emmy . I put the necklace and card away in the safe hidden behind a painting in my room then went back outside.

In the driveway, I struggled to keep my emotions in check as my beautiful new car was lowered out of the truck. So shiny, and they’d even put a big bow on the top.

Still, I had to unclench my fists as I signed for the delivery. Black should have been standing by my side, and right now, I missed him more than ever.

“Cheer up, lady,” the driver said. “Anyone else getting a new Corvette would at least have a smile on their face.”

“Yeah, probably.”

He shook his head as he climbed back into the truck, no doubt thinking what a spoiled little brat I was. Black had always tried his best to make me happy, never the easiest job in the world, and even from beyond the grave, he was still having a go. Another wave of grief hit me as I realised this really would be the last birthday gift I’d ever get from him.

To be on the safe side, because Black taught me to be paranoid, I checked the car with Nate’s electronic gizmos. Clean. And when I ran a mirror around underneath, all I found was a small tag that said Good . Another of Black’s special requests, no doubt, and his way of congratulating me for remembering to do my job properly.

Now what?

Well, the car had been delivered with a full tank of fuel, and what better way to cheer myself up than to go for a blast? I shoved the bow in the passenger footwell, hopped in the driver’s side, and took off.

The sun was shining, the roads were clear, and the car was awesome. The only thing missing was Black. If he’d been alive, he’d have been right next to me, arms crossed as he muttered, “For crying out loud, Emmy, brake!”

After a couple of hours of aimless driving, I returned home with an ache in my chest that even a wild ride in the countryside couldn’t get rid of. Not that I’d truly expected it to. Upon checking my garage, I evicted an Explorer so I could park the Stingray beside the Viper. With Black’s Porsche Cayenne next to that, I had one mean-looking line up of cars, but even that failed to bring me any joy today.

I was all ready for episode two of my pity party, which involved a box of Belgian truffles and a bottle of red, when I found Luke waiting for me outside the house, leaning against Mack’s car.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi yourself.” What was he doing here?

“Uh, I was wondering if I could ask a favour?”

“You can ask.”

“Can I come in?”

I shrugged and swung the door open, and his footsteps echoed on the tiled floor as he followed me to the kitchen. I could hardly start on the wine and chocolate at eleven in the morning with company, so I set about pouring myself a bowl of muesli instead. If nothing else, it would absorb the alcohol I planned to have for lunch.

“Your lawyer’s drawn up the papers for the building lease, but they need your signature. I’m trying to get things moving, so I hoped you’d be able to sign them now.”

Luke was opening a new branch of his company in the States, and yours truly just happened to own the empty office he’d be basing it in. “No problem. Where are they?”

“In the car. I’ll get them.”

Luke returned with the lease agreement, and I settled down to read over it. Not that I didn’t trust Luke and my lawyer, but Black had always taught me to be thorough. Everything was fine, so I signed and handed it back.

“Tia told me it was your birthday today.”

“Yeah.”

“She made a present and asked me to give it to you.”

Made a present? Nobody had ever made me a present before. Paid someone else to make it, maybe, but not made it themselves.

Luke held out a parcel wrapped in purple tissue paper, complete with fancy ribbon.

“Thanks.”

Well, it didn’t rattle. I tore off the tissue paper and found a white T-shirt with a picture of a Barbie doll dressed in combat gear and the words “I’m a bad girl” written across it. Maybe not what I’d normally wear, but I loved it.

“They were doing screen printing in art at school,” Luke explained. “Apparently, she wanted to write something slightly less polite on it instead, but the teacher wouldn’t let her.”

“I don’t suppose you’d have been happy either. You’re always moaning about her choice of words.”

“I’d have had to make an exception this time, seeing as it would have been appropriate. And besides, I’m fighting a losing battle when it comes to Tia’s language.”

“It could be worse. Hey, if you’d seen me as a teenager, Tia would seem angelic in comparison.”

“You’re probably right there.”

Luke tucked the papers into a folder but made no move to leave. Why was he hanging around?

“Okay, I’ve signed the lease, and you’ve dropped Tia’s present off. Is there anything else or can I get back to what I was doing?”

Important things, like finding a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and more headache pills and sitting in the hot tub for a couple of hours.

“Uh, the others were wondering what you’re doing for your birthday?”

“As I feel like death warmed up, I’m staying in with pizza.”

A big pepperoni pizza, dripping with cheese. If Toby, my nutritionist, dared to utter a peep, he’d lose parts of his anatomy. I wasn’t planning to tell him, but somehow he always seemed to find these things out.

“Do you fancy some company?”

“Whose?”

“Everyone’s. I think they’re all feeling bad about the disagreement last week. I know Mack’s upset you’re by yourself today.”

“Well, I’m not changing my mind.”

“Nobody expects you to. Now they’ve slept on it for a while, I think they can see your point of view even if they don’t agree with it.”

So, Luke had been sent to test the waters. A sacrificial lamb, if you like. I didn’t want to come across as being overjoyed, but secretly I was thrilled at the prospect of my friends visiting. I’d been missing them like crazy, and I hated it when they were mad at me.

“In that case, tell them they can come over if they want.”

Finally, Luke smiled, a mixture of happiness he could leave and relief that I’d agreed to the plan.

“Great. See you later, then.”

I gave him a little wave as I backed into the house. Feeling lighter inside, I decided to go out for a ride on my horse, Stan, instead of wallowing in self-pity in the Jacuzzi.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad day after all.