Page 59 of The Best Wild Idea (Off-Limits #3)

“No wonder no one looked surprised when I walked through the lobby looking like this,” he says.

“I’m the worst, I know,” I tell him, biting back a smile. “When will I learn?”

“Jules, I grounded your passport. I’m technically the worst,” he says, tapering off a laugh. “I’m sorry I did that, too. Trust takes time to build, and we’re both working it back up, I guess.”

I grin. “You should have seen my face at the airport when the poor woman had to tell me.”

“I bet Grant never saw the trip ending like this,” he says, his eyes suddenly more tired than they were just a moment ago.

“Actually, I’d just finished reading his last letter when I got all of Andy’s messages. Right before I rushed to see you at the hospital.”

He takes a deep breath and settles deeper into the pillows we propped up behind him.

“So Grant guessed that I’d be nearly run over after grounding your passport in Paris, eh? Boy, he did see us coming a mile away.”

I laugh. “No, but I can show it to you if you want. His letter sort of explained everything I needed to hear after accidentally reading your letter — how you initially said no to doing all this, and why.”

He exhales deeply, nodding. The room is dark except for the gas fireplace that has been turned on as part of the hotel’s turndown service and the illuminated view of the tower outside the window.

“What did it say?”

“That we need each other,” I tell him, quietly. “That neither one of us is perfect. That maybe I need you as much as you need me. That once upon a time, we were each other’s chosen family.” I pause before adding, “And that maybe we can be again.”

He reaches his uninjured hand to clasp mine, dwarfing my palm in his, lacing his fingers through each one of mine. I squeeze back, remembering what it felt like to get the call that he’d been in an accident today, and move a little closer to him on the bed.

“Grant was always so good with his words.” He stares at the fire, remembering. “Wise and mature past his years.”

I smile, remembering all the times Grant had given Silas or me advice that felt spot on.

Various times his words made more sense than whatever chaos I’d created around myself on so many occasions.

And now, knowing that these letters were Grant’s final collection of wisdom — nudging us back toward one another, his final gift to both of us months after he’s been gone — when he knew we could finally be in a place to receive it.

He saw something that neither of us could see, that what we each needed could transpire long after he was laid to rest. Sitting here now, I know deep down that he was right.

“He said one more thing,” I add, inching closer to rest my head against his chest on the side of him that doesn’t have the sling. He wraps his good arm around me, shifting to make me more comfortable against him.

“What else?” he asks, as we stare at the view out the window.

“He said no matter what happened between us, whether we end as friends—” I pause — “or more, he’d be glad that we’d made our way back to each other again.”

Silas’ chest rises but doesn’t fall, holding his breath for a beat before letting it out in a long sigh.

“He was a better man than I will ever be,” he says into my hair.

Then he kisses the top of my head. “I don’t think I could ever imagine you being with anyone else but me if something were to happen.

Pretty sure if I was in Grant’s position, my letters would have been full of threats about me haunting you from beyond the grave, and coming up with creative ways to scare anyone else away from you. ”

I burst out laughing, knowing he’s telling the truth.

“Same,” I admit, truthfully. “I can’t imagine the strength it must have taken for him to imagine this scenario — not just two people he loved the most living out their lives without him but also doing so together.”

“That was Grant. He taught me more, even after losing him, than he’ll ever know.”

“Funny, he said the same thing about you.” I smile, nestling into his chest again.

Then I listen to him breathe for a few more moments, reveling in the fact that our day could have ended so differently from this.

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything else?

More pain meds? A snack? What do you need? ”

He tightens his arm around me, planting another kiss on the top of my head, and I lean up on my elbow to face him. I push my cheek into his palm, loving the warmth of it.

“I have everything I need right here,” he says.

I lean in to kiss him, gently.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper, pulling back. “I already feel like all this was my fault. We’d be dining in there” — I point out the window — “without a broken elbow instead of lying in here, if I hadn’t run off.”

“Jules, I would have been hit by a bus instead of a bike if it meant getting to have this moment with you by the end of today,” he says.

The serious tone of his voice makes me laugh, the sound of it ringing through the room, but when I open my eyes to look up at him, there’s more written on his face than could ever be conveyed with words.

“So much had to happen for us to get here. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop feeling like you deserve so much more than me.

But if every mistake we’ve made has brought us right here to this moment, then I would make every stupid mistake over and over to get back here to you.

I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you. To take care of you.”

I need to ask the question I’ve had in my mind ever since last night. “And not just because he requested that of you?” I ask, afraid he might stumble or stutter through his answer, leaving me to question it, always.

He pulls me back so I can see his eyes more clearly.

“I could never try to fake feelings like this, if that’s what you’re asking,” he says, his voice deep.

“That letter you read last night made it sound like everything that’s happened between us was simply me fulfilling a promise to Grant.

But that letter was also written by someone who took a wild guess at how I felt about you.

I would have never told Grant while he was alive that you were always it for me.

That no woman I’ve ever dated or spent time with has ever compared to you.

I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Jules.

From the first time you smiled at us, asking for a pen, when I swear I saw a few sitting in your bag just before.

I loved you that night we spent on the beach after graduation.

And I loved you when I pulled up at your house before we even started this crazy trip.

I loved you when you were pushing me out of your foyer, so fucking mad, and I’ve even loved you in my dreams. I never wanted to love you, Jules. But I’ve also never been able to stop.”

My face flushes, held steady by his hand. “He suspected it,” I tell him, quietly, “and I think he sent us here on this trip because he knew.”

“Yes, Grant had it figured out. I never, ever admitted it to him, but I didn’t have to.”

I take a long, cleansing breath, feeling more sure now than ever when I tell him what I’ve already known deep down.

“I love you, too, Si,” I say. And just hearing how sure I sound makes me smile.

“I’ve always loved you. First as my friend, and even when I thought I hated you, I still loved you.

And now, after today, I know I never want to lose you again. ”