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ADAM

“ Y ou were going to walk away from everything? From me?”

“Only because I needed to try,” River continued, his voice steady now, “to find somewhere new, start fresh, and maybe—just maybe—get my heart to beat for someone else.”

“And yet,” I pressed, needing to understand, “you stayed. Why?”

“Victoria left, and you needed me.” His admission hung between us.

He was right. I’d needed him. I would always need him, and that was the problem.

“River,” I managed to choke out, my voice barely above a whisper.

“You don’t have to say you love me. You don’t even have to feel it. But I need to breathe again. Being with you these last few weeks has been everything. If that’s all I’ll ever get, that’s okay, but you’ll need to let me go and move on. If there’s even a small part of you that feels the same, then I’ll stay and fight for you, Adam.”

I gazed into his eyes, into his truth. River had never asked me anything. He’d given me his support and his love freely. I thought I’d given it back, but my love had been wrapped in friendship because I’d been blind.

The realization cascaded through me, washing away any lingering doubt. I loved him. I loved River Hartley with an intensity that eclipsed anything I had ever felt for another soul, including Victoria.

I closed the distance between us. River’s breath caught as I reached for him, my arms encircling his steady frame. Our lips met, and the kiss was a revelation. It was more than finding out I liked kissing men, specifically this one man. It was more than an awakening or something that had lain dormant inside me, waiting for the right time.

As my mouth moved against his, I poured every unspoken word, every hidden desire into that single moment.

River’s hands came up to rest on my back, tentative at first, then with growing certainty as he returned my kiss with a need that matched my own. I placed my hand on the back of his neck, holding tight, memorizing the taste of his lips, the softness of his tongue.

It wasn’t just a kiss. It was the beginning of everything.

My grandmother once said that new beginnings also bring new ends. The end can feel like a loss, but when we open our hearts to the world, the world will bring us new opportunities.

The kiss tapered off into nothing more than our lips joined together and our breaths mingling in the space between us.

River’s eyes searched mine. “Adam, why did that feel like a goodbye kiss?”

His vulnerability, raw and exposed, struck me more than any blow could.

“Do you trust me?” I asked.

“Of course.”

The weight of what I was about to say pressed down on me like a boulder. “I need to move out.” The words hung between us, stark and undeniable.

He blinked, a frown creasing his brow. “If that’s…what you want.” His voice was practically a whisper, but I heard the resignation and grief he tried to hide.

“When I came in, I didn’t have a plan. I knew I needed to see you and hoped I’d know the right thing to do.”

“And you know now?”

I smiled, reaching for his face and caressing the short scruff.

“The words you want to hear, River, I want to say them. I feel them so fucking deep that I’m so close to calling off this whole ‘needing space to figure myself out’ idea.”

“Then stay. I can give you space here. You can move back to the spare room. We barely see?—”

I shut him up with my mouth, letting my lips linger on his a little longer than I wanted. This was going to be so fucking hard.

“River,” I said when I pulled away. “When I started reading your romance books, you said the part you hate the most is when the guys break up before the end.”

“Yeah. You called it the third-act breakup or some shit. I think you just wanted to show off your English degree smarts.”

I laughed. “Yes, that’s right. This is it, except there’s no breakup. It’s just a pause, okay? The conversation with Victoria forced me to face some truths about myself.” The admission tasted bittersweet on my tongue. “And I need some time to work through it all. You deserve the best of me, and I can’t be the best for you if I don’t trust myself.”

Understanding dawned in his eyes, but it did nothing to ease the tension that wired his frame.

“You’ve already done so much for me,” I continued, each word etched with the guilt of a thousand apologies. “But I have to make one more selfish request. Will you wait for me?”

“As long as you need.”

Those five words were everything. I had no doubt I would come back to him, but if I didn’t stand on my own two feet, I would never be the man River deserved.

“Thank you,” I managed to choke out.

As I stepped back, putting physical distance between us, I held on to the trust he placed in me. He would be here, waiting for my return.

He followed me as I went to his room—our room—and filled a duffel bag with as many clothes as I could fit, not particularly caring if they were mine or his.

“Adam,” his voice finally broke through.

My hands trembled as I drew the zipper closed. I hoisted the bag over my shoulder, the weight of it less than the burden of walking away, yet somehow more meaningful.

“It’s just a pause,” I repeated, more as a reassurance to myself than anything.

“Where will you stay?”

“I’ll be with Lex and Emery.”

I stopped by the door and turned around. I didn’t want to do this, but I needed to.

“I love you,” he said.

I love you too.