Page 86 of The Benefits of Love (As I Am 2)

Zach, as always, faced the subject with boldness and something alot like bravery, or stupidity, or both. “Ican handle abroken heart.”

Inarrowed my eyes in immense pain, silently asking,What about me?

With afirm hand on my shoulder, he said, “Ipromise, I’dtreasure your heart like the most precious jewel there is, because you’re worth it for me, you’re that and amillion more. You’re Mars, and Earth, and every star in between, and in this whole fucking universe. If you’dlet me, shit”—he cleared his throat when he started to choke—“please say yes, say you’ll let me be that person for you and Ipromise you’ll never hurt ever again. Ipromised you back then and Iswear to you now, I’ll never do anything to harm you.”

“Another contract you’re setting out to breach?” Iplaced my hand over his. He parted his fingers reflexively and we intertwined them, needing this closeness. For alittle while more. “You’ll get disbarred.”

He half laughed, rubbing my pinky finger with his thumb. “Laura.”

“Zach.” Iscootched back, then stood up.

It wouldn’thave taken alot more of his touch, his absolute confidence that nothing could go wrong and his eyes, these fucking beautiful eyes, to have me agreeing to adangerous arrangement. An arrangement Ifeared Iwouldn’tleave unscathed.

“We can’tdo this. You were right. Ilike you. Imore than like. And because Ilike you, I’ll do everything Ican to safeguard your heart, as you should be doing with mine.”

While Italked, he got up to stand in front of me. He raked his hand through his short hair, his other hand firm on his hip. “Laura, Ithought about it and—”

“It doesn’tmatter,” Iinterrupted his speech, tired, exhausted, worn the fuck out. “We’re only prolonging the inevitable here, and for both our sakes, Ithink you should leave.”

He looked down at me, the torment in his eyes reflecting the torture that plagued my soul. With one hesitating step he crowded my space.

Please don’tkiss me. I’ll lose my resistance if you do. I’mbegging you not to kiss me.

My silent communication worked. Zach placed the spare set of keys on the console, walked past me, and left.

After crying my eyes out for afull hour, Ishowered, blared some nineties grunge music where the guitars played on my soul and the drums silenced my thoughts, and threw myself into my work.

At the end of the day, it was all Ihad.