Page 11 of The Beast of Barendale Manor

Three days later, Evangeline stood in the empty ballroom, looking out on the terrace. Her fingers ran idly along the intricate patterns in the curtains, trying to make sense of all that had happened.

The house had been eerily quiet since the ball. One happy consequence had been that the servants and the housekeeper were much warmer to Evangeline now. She had taken the time to thank them all personally for the work they had put into the event, and the housekeeper had already spoken to her about planning the next one.

But there was one member of the household who was conspicuously absent.

Every time her mind wandered to the ball, it would alight on one event and one event only, and that was the kiss they had shared. It had been wonderful until Edmund had pulled away, his eyes clouding, his mouth morphing into a grim line.

Evangeline did not know what to think. To her, it had been the most wonderful thing imaginable, but perhaps simply kissing another woman reminded him too much of Adelaide.

Maybe he will never want me that way.

He had not attempted to approach her in the evenings or been anywhere near her rooms at night. She felt that perhaps he simply did not desire her, and she was destined to wander the halls of the huge house with nothing but ghosts for company.

There was a clinking sound behind her as Sarah entered with the tea. The maid was all smiles, as always.

“Will you take tea here, my Lady?” Sarah asked, and Evangeline could only laugh. The ballroom was enormous and empty, and there was nowhere for her to sit.

“No, I am sorry. Thank you for bringing it to me, I will go to the drawing room. It is too cold in here.”

She followed Sarah out of the room and back to the drawing room, where there was a roaring fire. Evangeline settled down on the chaise as Sarah poured the tea. Her maid continually glanced up at her as though unsure whether to speak, and Evangeline frowned at her.

“What is it, Sarah?”

“Oh nothing, My Lady.”

“Sarah, we have spoken of this. I want you to speak your mind.”

Sarah handed her the cup and saucer and placed some biscuits on a plate before standing and removing the tray, placing it under her arm. Her eyes scanned the room fitfully before she spoke.

“I don’t wish to upset you, my Lady.”

“You will not upset me unless you do not tell me what troubles you.”

“The servants have been talking,” Sarah said. Evangeline took a sip of her tea, trying to calm the nerves that erupted in her stomach.

“Oh yes? And what is it that they are saying this time?”

“That his Lordship has been absent a great deal. More than he usually is since the ball. They wonder if he was insulted by one of the guests or has taken ill.” Sarah moved the tray to her other arm and looked at Evangeline apologetically. “I don’t speak of such things, my Lady, but I hear them often.”

“I am grateful to you for that, Sarah. Thank you for telling me. His lordship is merely busy with his papers. He will be back amongst us all very soon.”

Sarah nodded her head and smiled her reassuring smile again before she left the room. As soon as she was gone, Evangeline placed her teacup on the table and stared into the fire, feeling lost. Edmund had not joined her for any meals since the ball. If they saw each other at all, it was usually at the end of a corridor, and he would barely acknowledge her presence before walking in the other direction.

He does not wish to be around me, even after I thought that something was growing between us.

***

Edmund sat in his study, his desk littered with the accounts and reports from Timmons. He had been staring at the numbers on the page for so long that they had ceased to make any sense at all.

He had hardly been able to concentrate for three days together since the ball. Memories of the kiss floated through his mind at inconvenient times. Sometimes, he would be reading through a list of equipment that Jonathan had on order, and the thought of Evangeline’s lips would come into his head, and then he could not concentrate on anything.

The way she had melted against him had thrilled him at the time, but now, in the cold light of day, he thought that it was more likely a gesture out of pity. Perhaps she felt obliged to return the kiss because they were married now. Surely, she was revolted by his scars; anyone would be.

Or it could be much worse. Perhaps she did not feel that she could refuse me.

That was not a pleasant thought. He was stirred from his melancholy by a knock at the door and as he bid them enter Jonathan came into the room looking grave.

“Are you ready, my Lord?” he asked as Edmund scowled at the interruption.

“Ready? What for?” he asked in surprise.

“Timmons will be here within the hour; we are to discuss the accounts with him. Have you discovered so much as a trace of them?”

“Three days, and I am none the wiser. Every time I review them, they have changed and are worse than they were before. Nothing is joined up, and everything is disordered. I do not know how any man manages his accounts this way.”

Jonathan’s expression was grim. “There has been talk amongst the servants, my Lord, that you have barely been seen. Have you spent all your time in this room? You will go mad if you do not rest yourself.”

“I am already mad. I have been mad for three years with this insanity of a life I lead,” Edmund spat. “I shall do as I please and spend my time where I feel it is best used!”

He picked up his papers, staring at them unseeingly until he heard the click of the door as Jonathan took his leave. He sighed, throwing them down again and walking to the fire, poking viciously at the logs and wishing he could settle his mind on one task at a time.

But Evangeline consumed every thought in his head. He could not sleep or eat. He could not bear to see her, and yet each time he caught a glimpse, he felt like his soul was alight again. She had awoken something in him that would not return to slumber.

But it was absurd to think anyone so clever, beautiful, and accomplished could want a monster like him. He had been living a half-life for too long to come back to the world of the living.

She probably regrets the kiss. She likely regrets the marriage.

He leaned against the mantelpiece in despair, wishing for a solution that would never come.

***

Evangeline sat in the library, trying to read through her tears. She had been concentrating on the same page of a book for many minutes together and had not absorbed a single word.

She had been replaying every interaction with Edmund since the ball. Trying to work out whether he regretted what had happened between them. But every time she saw him, his actions only confirmed her suspicions rather than allaying them. The worst thought was that she had somehow offended him.

Perhaps he found me terribly forward and was disgusted by the kiss.

She threw down the book in exasperation and stared at the inky blackness outside, wondering whether she should go into the grounds to clear her head. Just as she thought that, however, the door to the library opened, and she sat up in excitement, wondering if Edmund had come to see her. But it was his mother.

The dowager countess entered the room, instantly noticing that Evangeline was upset, and came to sit opposite her. It was painfully reminiscent of the time she had spent in the library with Edmund, and Evangeline felt a jolt of despair that they would never recapture that easy camaraderie between them.

“What is it, my dear?” the dowager asked, resting a hand on Evangeline’s knee.

Evangeline sighed, unsure whether to confess the truth to someone so close to Edmund. But she had little choice; the whole house must know they were at odds by now, and his mother was not a stupid woman.

“I am concerned that Edmund has hardly been seen since the ball. I knew that it was not something he would have wanted to host if he had the choice, but I went ahead with it anyway. Perhaps that was a mistake.”

“You have not seen him?”

“Not for any significant time, no. Not for three days.”

Lady Viola frowned, leaning back in her chair and watching Evangeline with a knowing smile.

“You know my late husband was just the same.”

Evangeline looked up at her, intrigued. “How so?”

“Never knew how to speak to me. I swear the man spoke three words throughout our first year of marriage. “Yes, Viola,” and “No”.”

Evangeline could not help chuckling at that, and the Dowager Countess smiled at her fondly.

“Edmund has never been an affectionate man. Brisk, some called him. It takes a while for him to relax around his acquaintances, but he has been remarkably forward with you, even in so short a time. I would not lose hope, my dear. Once someone has experienced a tragedy like Edmund has, the scars run deeper than those on the surface. I believe he cares for you,” Lady Viola continued, “and it will come out in time. He knows how lucky he is; he just needs to give himself permission to deserve you.”

Evangeline looked up at her. “Why ever would he not deserve me?”

“Ah,” the Dowager Countess said sadly, her eyes watching the dancing flames beside them. “Only Edmund can answer that question, my dear.”

It was not long before Lady Viola left her to her thoughts, and Evangeline attempted to read her book again to no avail. After almost an hour of wayward thinking and puzzled thoughts that spun around her head like a whirlwind, she decided the only way she would bring Edmund out of his shell was to try to speak to him.

Therefore, although it was late in the evening, she made her way to his study. She was determined to clear the air. If what his mother said was true, she could not fathom why anyone would believe themselves unworthy of love. If it was merely the scars on his face that had convinced him of it, she would soon prove him wrong. She could not care less about his physical appearance; it was his heart that mattered to her.

She reached the study door and raised a hand to knock before pausing as she heard rumbling voices coming from within.

***

Colin was perched on the edge of Edmun’s desk, holding the brandy glass loosely in his fingers. Edmund was aware that the man was becoming overly familiar with him, but he was also aware that he had drunk far too much himself.

Is this the third glass of brandy or the fourth? He mused, taking a healthy swallow and telling himself it would be the last of the evening.

“Will you not explain to me what has led you to be so secluded? You are not yourself.” Colin slurred a little as he spoke, and Edmund could feel his tongue loosening with the brandy.

Colin was his cousin and his friend. Who could he trust if not him?

“I kissed her,” he blurted out. “Evangeline, at the ball.”

Colin’s eyes widened, and a flicker of reproach passed across his face before he masked it as he stood and went to stand beside the fireplace. He raised his hand and rested it against the mantel.

“I see. And why has that led you to hide yourself in your room? She is your wife. Did the lady reject you?”

“No. No. I believe she… I do not know. I am uncertain of her feelings. I am uncertain of my feelings.”

Colin’s eyes softened, and he took a sip of his own brandy, his body rather less unsteady than it had been.

“My dear fellow, you are not the first man who has struggled to feel affection for his wife in an arranged marriage. And a second wife at that. Do not blame yourself for not wanting the girl. She is a means to an end. Her father knew that when he offered her. The dowry will save the estate, and she will live a comfortable life. Perhaps your feelings for her at the ball were misguided memories of your love for Adelaide. You have been alone a long time, Edmund. It is not your fault that you crave companionship of some kind.”

Colin walked back to the desk, leaning his hip against it.

“It is rare that two people find a connection as pure and great as you had with Adelaide. You cannot expect to find it again so soon.”

Edmund was unsure how to feel at those words. He had an overwhelming urge to protest and tell Colin that he was wrong—that he believed that was just what he had found with Evangeline. But he said nothing, staring at the cut glass and the amber liquid in his palm and wishing life were simpler again.

“Evangeline is only twenty years old, “Colin continued. “She knows nothing of the world. She likely confuses duty with genuine feelings of affection. And that is no one’s fault. It is an unfortunate consequence of the circumstances you find yourself in.” Colin leaned over the desk, brandy heavy on his breath. “You must not bully yourself into believing this is all your doing, Edmund, but it would be cruel to encourage her. Better to leave the girl be and allow her to recognise your indifference in her own way.”

Edmund stared ahead of him, the doubts that had crowded his mind for so long finally overtaking everything else. For a shining moment, Edmund had believed that perhaps, in the deepest part of his heart, she might truly care for him. But, of course, Colin was right.

What woman would ever want him in that way? He had been lucky to find Adelaide early in their lives when they had been happy together, young and naive as they were. But now, locked away in his dark tower, with his disfigured face, of course his young wife had confused duty with affection.

He pictured Evangeline’s radiant smile, but now, in his mind’s eye, it seemed tainted and twisted, as though it had never been real.

He poured himself another brandy. The right side of his face hot, as though it were burning all over again.

Evangeline would never want him, and he would not be so foolish as to approach her again.

He sank down in his chair as Colin finished his brandy and bid him goodnight, leaving him in a turmoil of regret and self-doubt.

***

Her hand was still raised against the door as though to knock, but Evangeline had been standing silently in frozen horror for several minutes together.

As she heard Colin bid Edmund goodnight, she hurried away, fighting back tears. She had not been able to hear everything that they had discussed but she had understood the underlying themes well enough.

She had embarrassed herself with her forward affections toward Edmund. Affection he did not want or seek. He still loved Adelaide and had no interest in another wife.

A business transaction that’s what Colin had called the marriage. She felt bile rise in her throat.

Stumbling through the door to her room, she was confronted by Sarah, who was alarmed and upset by her tearful appearance and helped her to sit by the fire.

Her maid asked her repeatedly what was wrong, but Evangeline merely said that she was tired and needed to get to bed as soon as possible.

Sarah obviously did not believe her, but she helped her undress and get into her nightgown, nonetheless.

“Are you sure there is nothing I can do for you, my Lady?” she asked, her round face all polite concern.

“No. I simply need to sleep. Thank you, Sarah. You may go.”

With one final look behind her, Sarah left her alone, and Evangeline flopped back into the bed, heaving a great sigh and finally letting the tears fall in earnest.

All this time, she had believed that Edmund was a good man beneath it all. That he was merely misunderstood. But now, she was not so sure. The man in the study had been hiding away from a life that had been forced upon him. She closed her eyes in horror as she thought of what that kiss must have meant to him. He had arranged the convenience of a large dowry, and now his wife was expecting him to care for her.

She rolled onto her side, clutching her pillow beneath her, fighting against the painful ache in her chest.

The kiss had been a mistake. She knew that now. She had been utterly foolish and naive, just as Colin had said.

It was a cruel truth to acknowledge that her husband had no true feelings for her, even as she had felt her own blossoming in her heart.