Page 17 of The Banned Books of Berlin

Los Angeles, April 2024

Maddie didn’t like sharing her phone number, especially not these days, but Gramps had set up a WhatsApp group with the title ‘German Journal’ for the four of them (himself, Maddie, Daniel and Eva) and there it was. She sent Eva a message of thanks for the wonderful tea and Daniel waved hello. A few days later, she received a text from him, saying he’d copied the manuscript and would like to give her back the original; could they meet for coffee at the weekend, as there was something he wanted to talk to her about. She waited a couple of hours before replying, trying to understand how she felt about the invitation. He’d annoyed her at the Death Café and she didn’t like the way he’d looked her up online, but, to be fair, wasn’t that what everybody did? She’d checked him out, too, finding a paper he’d written about Nazi propaganda and the German film industry. It was pretty dry, though, and she’d fallen asleep after the first few pages. He must be clever to land a teaching job at USC, and he’d been great with Ben; perhaps she should give him the benefit of the doubt. And come on, it was only a coffee, and she had nothing else planned. She replied, saying she was busy all Saturday (a big fat lie) but Sunday morning would be great.

As soon as she saw Daniel, she would know what she thought about him, Maddie told herself, but that theory turned out not to be true. There was a flutter in her stomach when he stood to greet her in the coffee shop, but a corresponding flicker of irritation at the way he seemed so pleased – or rather, maybe so at ease – with himself, taking time to unfold his long limbs. She had to force a smile in return, already calculating how quickly she could make her escape.

‘So here’s your journal back,’ he said, handing over the envelope once she’d ordered her coffee. ‘Eva’s working on a copy and I’ve had a quick flick through, though my German isn’t as good as hers.’

‘Better than mine, which is non-existent,’ Maddie replied.

‘There are diary entries but also what seem to be short stories. And several references to a cabaret club called the Magic Garden, der Zaubergarten .’

‘ Der Zaubergarten? ’ Maddie repeated. ‘I found a photograph of my great-grandmother and her friend with that name written on the back.’

‘I thought the name sounded familiar so I did some research,’ Daniel said. ‘Turns out I had heard it before: a movie called The Magic Garden was released in 1942, set in Germany but filmed in Hollywood. It was based on a novel of the same name, published a few years before. It’s about a cabaret dancer who has an affair with a high-ranking Nazi and tries to assassinate Hitler at some luxury hotel in 1933, just after he was made Chancellor. It’s great – brilliant dialogue, and the dancing and costumes are amazing.’

‘You’ve seen it?’ Maddie asked.

‘Yeah, I found a copy in the UCLA film archive. I could arrange for you to watch it too.’

‘I guess my great-grandma made the costumes,’ Maddie said. ‘Maybe she was writing production notes in her journal?’

Daniel pulled a doubtful face. ‘But she was writing these entries in the 1930s, we can tell that from the dates. And some of the things she describes seem spookily similar to scenes from the film, though I’ll have to wait for the translation to be sure. What if your great-grandmother had a more significant role in the movie? Come on, you’re a journalist. Don’t you want to do some digging?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Maddie replied. ‘Seems to me like you’re putting two and two together and making five.’

Daniel took a sip of coffee, looking at her over the cup as he waited for her to elaborate. She took a deep breath. ‘Look, I found some old letters that tell a different story about my great-grandmother. I can’t go into detail because it’s private, but let’s just say I promised my mom that I’d leave the past alone.’

‘Very intriguing,’ Daniel said. ‘I’m surprised, though. Imagine if Woodward and Bernstein had promised their mothers not to bother nice President Nixon.’

Maddie felt herself flush. ‘That’s not the same at all!’

Daniel smiled. ‘I’m only teasing.’

‘I know,’ Maddie snapped, ‘and it’s really annoying.’ She picked up the envelope. ‘Thanks for the coffee, and for copying the journal. I have to go now.’

Daniel stood too, holding up his hands. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood, that’s all. Stay for another coffee, or a slice of pie or something. Please, I feel terrible.’

He looked so genuinely upset that Maddie relented, already embarrassed and ashamed of her outburst. What kind of person was she turning into? Daniel had touched a nerve but that was no excuse for being so rude.

‘I’m sorry, too,’ she said, laying the folder back on the table and sitting down. ‘I’m a little touchy these days.’

‘Seems like I’ve been annoying you since we first met,’ Daniel said. ‘Can we try to start over? Or at least, maybe you could tell me where I’m going wrong.’

Maddie buried her head in her hands. ‘You’re fine. I’m not in a good place right now, but that’s my problem.’

‘Don’t move a muscle,’ Daniel said. ‘This place has the most amazing fried chicken sandwiches. I’m going to order two and you’re going to tell me everything.’

‘I just don’t understand how anyone could be so horrible about Ben,’ Maddie finished, swallowing the last mouthful of her sandwich.

‘Because they don’t see him as a real person,’ Daniel replied. ‘That’s the trouble with the internet: you can disappear into this sad little vortex of hatred and spill your poison without thinking of the consequences. The trolls wouldn’t dream of saying those things to his face – or yours, either.’

‘I know I shouldn’t give them the time of day,’ Maddie said, ‘but it feels like I’m constantly under attack. As soon as I try to write anything, I imagine what the reaction’s going to be and wonder if it’s worth the effort. Of course, I block the haters and delete their messages, but they keep on coming.’

‘You can’t let them win, though,’ he told her. ‘I’ve read some of your articles and they’re great. You write so fluently.’

‘Thanks.’ Maddie crumpled her napkin into a ball. ‘I don’t know why you’re being nice to me when I’m such a misery.’

It was beginning to dawn on her that she might have got Daniel completely wrong. He was a good listener, letting her talk without jumping in too soon to offer his opinion. Why had she been so quick to judge him and find him wanting? Couldn’t she entertain the possibility he was simply a nice guy? There were still a few of those left in the world, surely, and he just might be one of them.

He smiled. ‘Somehow I like you, misery and all. And I really like your grandpa.’

‘He’s great, isn’t he?’ Maddie replied, smiling too. ‘We’re so lucky to have him. And your grandmother’s pretty amazing too.’ She hesitated. ‘Look, I shouldn’t ask this, but if there’s any chance you can persuade her not to help Gramps look into his family history, I’d be so grateful.’

Daniel raised his eyebrows. ‘And presumably you won’t tell me why? Well, I can try, though I wouldn’t hold out much hope. There’s no stopping Eva once she sets her mind on something.’

‘I can imagine.’ Maddie sighed, reaching for the folder and her purse. ‘This has been great, Daniel. Thanks for listening.’

‘My pleasure,’ he said. ‘But I was going to add, there might be something you can do about all this hate on the internet. It might be possible to find out who the worst offenders are. They’re probably just bots, anyway, not real people at all. You mentioned someone calling themselves Nightshade? If you look into their internet profile, you could get some clues about their identity, even trace the IP address. I have a techie friend who’s an expert in that stuff.’

‘And then what?’ Maddie asked.

Daniel shrugged. ‘That’s up to you. Knowledge is power, though. And if Nightshade turns out to be a program, you might not take the abuse so personally.’

Maddie was about to reply when her phone rang. ‘Hi, Mom,’ she said. ‘Just heading home.’

Sharon’s voice was high-pitched and breathy. ‘Ben’s not with you, is he?’

‘No. I haven’t seen him since last night,’ she said. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘He’s gone. Packed some clothes and art materials and left me a note. Can you come back straight away? I don’t know what to do.’

Maddie hung up. ‘Everything OK?’ Daniel asked.

‘Not really,’ she said. ‘I need to get home right now. You couldn’t give me a lift, could you? I came here on the bus.’

‘Sure,’ Daniel said. ‘I’m parked right outside.’

She explained what had happened on the short ride home – as far as she knew, which wasn’t much – and they arrived to find Sharon pacing up and down in the kitchen, her face pale.

‘I came back from yoga to find the house empty and this note on the table,’ she said, holding it out.

Gone away for a while, the note read, in Ben’s characteristic scrawl. Don’t worry! Love, Ben.

‘Do you think I should call the police?’ her mom asked. ‘What if he’s gone to the train station, or even the airport?’

‘I don’t think that’s very likely,’ Maddie said. ‘He hates flying, and where would he go by train? Let’s try to find him first – I shouldn’t think he’s gone far. He’s set off on outings before, remember.’

‘Have you tried calling his friends to see if they’ve heard from him?’ Daniel asked. ‘I could do that for you, to keep your phone free.’

‘Mom, this is Daniel,’ Maddie said hastily. ‘Eva’s grandson. You remember, Gramps’ friend?’

‘Oh, yes. Thank you, Daniel,’ Sharon replied. ‘That’s kind of you. Give me your number and I’ll text you some details.’ Her hands were shaking as she scrolled through her contacts.

‘Try not to panic, Mom,’ Maddie said. ‘Everyone knows Ben in the neighbourhood. People will look out for him.’

Sharon didn’t reply. When Daniel had gone to another room with his phone and a few names to call, she told Maddie, ‘This is my fault. You were right – I should have let him go before now.’

‘Well, it’s a hard call to make,’ Maddie said.

Sharon frowned, knitting her fingers together. ‘Perhaps I’m just frightened of being left on my own. Gramps is always busy these days and of course Ben wants a life of his own. How selfish can you get?’

Maddie put an arm around her shoulder. ‘Not selfish at all. You might have forgotten how to carve out any time for yourself, though. You’ll need some practice.’

‘Let’s get this drama over with first,’ Sharon said, squeezing her hand. ‘But thanks, honey. I’m glad you’re here.’

None of Ben’s friends had heard from him, so Daniel suggested they drive around to see if they could spot him. Maddie directed him to some of Ben’s favourite places – the skate park, the mall, the ice-cream parlour – but there was no sign of him anywhere. Despite Maddie’s optimism when talking to her mom, the prickle of anxiety in the pit of her stomach was growing stronger by the minute. Ben leaving a note made this more than a casual outing. Where could he have gone?

It was Daniel’s turn to reassure her. ‘We don’t need to panic yet. Like you said, this is Ben’s home turf and people will want to help him.’

‘Do you think so?’ Maddie asked. ‘It’s a tough old world out there.’

‘Sure,’ he replied. ‘I still believe in the kindness of strangers. Don’t you?’

‘Maybe.’ Maddie wondered for a second whether Ben was wearing the rainbow-coloured scarf. ‘Anyway, you’re not a stranger but you’re certainly being kind. A quick coffee seems to be turning into a day trip.’

Daniel smiled. ‘Don’t worry, I have nothing else on today – my girlfriend’s away at a bachelorette party. There seems to be one every weekend. Either that or a baby shower.’

Maddie felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She didn’t know why she was blushing – she’d never thought of him in that way, had she? – but for some reason she was, and could only pray he hadn’t noticed. ‘Tell me about it,’ she said. ‘Feels like everyone’s coupling up these days.’

‘How about you?’ he asked.

‘Things haven’t exactly worked out for me so far. Never say never, though. Wait a minute!’ Her eye was caught by a figure walking past in a grey sweatshirt with a backpack, who turned out to be a girl when she looked back. ‘No, that’s not him.’

They were driving out to the reservoir. ‘So, your grandpa and my grandma seem to be getting along pretty well,’ Daniel said, parking the car. ‘They might hook up together – we could end up as family.’

‘Whoa, now you’re really getting ahead of yourself,’ Maddie said. ‘Still, my mom would like to meet Eva; I think she wants to check her out. Do your parents live around here?’

Daniel shook his head. ‘My dad’s in New York and my mom passed away when I was little. Basically, Eva and my grandpa brought me up. I don’t know where I’d be if not for them. That’s why I can’t stand all this death stuff – I’m not ready to do without her yet.’

‘My feelings exactly about Gramps. Do you think we ever will be?’

‘Probably not.’ Daniel smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He wasn’t so irritating after all, and actually, maybe the fact he had a girlfriend would make things more relaxed between them. They could get to know each other without any pressure – as long as he was prepared to overlook the way she’d treated him at first. They got out of the car and walked towards the Meadows at the edge of the lake, scanning the families, groups of friends and couples dotted about the grass.

‘This is hopeless,’ Maddie said. ‘He could be anywhere.’ She couldn’t bear to think of Ben alone with his backpack and a head full of dreams. What if they hadn’t found him before night fell?

‘You don’t think he might have gone to Eva’s house, do you?’ Daniel asked suddenly. ‘He was very interested in the room I had as a kid, and I told him my grandma sometimes had students staying in it now.’

‘But she’d have let us know, wouldn’t she?’

‘I might call her,’ Daniel said, taking out his phone. ‘Just on the off chance.’

Eva’s phone went to voicemail so they decided to swing by her house, as that seemed as good a place as any to look. ‘Then I’ll head home,’ Maddie said. ‘Honestly, I’ve taken up enough of your time.’

Daniel’s suggestion made sense but she didn’t dare allow herself to hope. Yet as they pulled into Eva’s driveway, there was Ben, sitting on the porch with his backpack beside him. Maddie flew out of the car as soon as it came to a halt and threw her arms around him.

‘What are you doing?’ he grumbled, fighting to get free. ‘I can’t breathe!’

‘We’ve been so worried,’ she exclaimed.

‘Why?’ he asked.

‘Because we didn’t know where you were.’ Maddie paused, not wanting to overwhelm her brother when he would be feeling vulnerable.

‘But we’ve found you now,’ Daniel said reassuringly, ‘so all’s well that ends well.’

‘Nobody’s home,’ Ben told them, blinking anxiously behind his glasses.

‘That’s OK,’ Daniel said. ‘I’ll show you where Grandma hides her spare key.’

Ben picked up his backpack expectantly.

‘Why have you brought that?’ Maddie asked.

‘Because I want to stay for a few days,’ Ben replied. ‘Eva said I could.’

Maddie sighed, shaking her head.

Daniel unlocked the front door and let them in. ‘We can talk about that later, once she’s back,’ he said. ‘Now who’s for coffee? I think that’s enough drama for one day.’

An hour later, everyone had assembled: Maddie, Daniel, Ben and Sharon – and Eva and Gramps, who’d been out to lunch together. They were a little surprised to find the whole crew sitting in Eva’s kitchen, but happy to share the coffee Daniel had brewed.

‘And it’s a pleasure to meet you, Sharon,’ Eva said.

‘Likewise,’ Sharon replied, looking as though she meant it. ‘Thank you for giving Ben such a great time the other day. He wouldn’t stop talking about your artwork, and I can see why.’ She gave her son’s hand a squeeze and his face lit up. ‘He’s already shown me around your incredible garden.’

Daniel had persuaded Sharon to stay for a coffee when she arrived to pick Ben up, and she, Ben and Maddie had had a heart-to-heart about the future as they wandered among the wild things: the kind of conversation that somehow flowed more easily on neutral territory. Sharon had gradually calmed down as she listened to Ben explain how happy he felt at Eva’s house, and how careful he’d been on the journey over there.

‘I’m going to call your support worker tomorrow,’ Sharon had promised Ben. ‘Nothing’s going to happen straight away but at least we can start talking about the options.’

‘You can trust me, Mom,’ he’d said. ‘I won’t let you down.’

‘And I’m sure you can stay with Eva for a couple of days, but you have to ask her first,’ Maddie added. ‘You can’t just turn up on the doorstep.’

‘All right,’ Ben had replied. And the three of them had had a family hug, which left everyone a little teary.

‘Eva’s so talented,’ Gramps said now. ‘And what’s more, she’s also a brilliant sleuth. We’ve been looking into my father’s military service and we’ve actually found out where he’s buried in France. I’m wondering about taking a trip to Europe in the fall to go visit the cemetery. Want to be my chaperone, Madeleine?’

‘Why not?’ she said, trying to summon a smile but only managing to bare her teeth.

‘It would be so moving,’ Gramps said. ‘Some tangible evidence that he existed, that he mattered, beyond a photograph.’

‘Well, time for us to get going,’ Sharon said briskly, standing up. ‘Daniel, I can’t thank you enough for all your help. And Eva, you must come for supper at my house soon. Dad, do you need a lift home?’

‘No, I’m staying here for a while,’ Gramps replied, looking at her curiously. ‘Eva and I are having another session on the computer.’

He followed them out to the car, though, and when Eva and Daniel had waved goodbye and returned to the house, he said, ‘So what’s going on?’

‘How do you mean?’ Sharon asked, pausing with the car key in her hand.

‘I saw that look between the two of you just now, when I mentioned my father’s grave.’ He folded his arms. ‘Is there anything I should know?’

Maddie glanced at Sharon again, waiting for her response. ‘I have no idea what you mean,’ her mother said after a couple of seconds, unlocking the car so she didn’t have to meet his gaze.

‘Madeleine?’ Gramps asked, fixing her with his steady, trusting eyes.

‘Yes,’ she said slowly, unable to lie to his face. ‘Gramps, I think you need to come home with us. We have something to show you.’