Page 33 of The Back Forty (Whitewood Creek Farm #5)

“Hey, Dani!” I hear my sister Regan shout just as I swirl the last of the ice in the bottom of my glass.

I’ve already downed one whiskey, and I’m halfway into the second.

I didn’t think my day would end like this, sipping bourbon alone in the corner of my dad's kitchen, pretending like I can go back to the way things were between us before where I hadn't known the way she tasted and how easily she comes when her body is taken care of properly.

After stewing all afternoon, wondering what the hell she and Luca were up to, I dragged my ass over to the egg farm to help Cash with fall cleaning. It’s molting season, which means the hens aren’t laying much, so most of the staff take the season off to recharge and spend time with their families.

Cash and I tackled the barn chores ourselves, hours of mucking and hauling, my shoulders burning, sweat soaking through my T-shirt. Still, it didn’t feel like enough. Like I hadn’t punished myself sufficiently for whatever mess I’ve created with Dani and the way she ripped my heart in two.

So, I laced up my shoes and went for a long run, cutting across the creek that wraps around the Marshall farmstead like a hug, legs pumping, lungs on fire, until the ache quieted the noise in my head.

And then, just as I collapsed onto the back steps of my house, sweaty and wrecked, I got the text from Dad: Make sure you bring Dani to dinner tonight for my birthday.

I’m rarely home for these things anymore.

Usually, I’m halfway across the country at some pitch or conference, stuck in hotel rooms, eating sad salads and crunching numbers.

But it’s my dad’s seventieth birthday. A big one and not one that I'd ever want to miss.

And apparently, Dani needs to be here too.

Why, though?

Especially when she just told me she doesn’t want anything more from me.

Not outside of work. Not after everything we did.

She wants me to just easily slip back into the role of being her boss when all I can think about is how desperately I don't want that all.

Because it's not just about her body, it's about her. And now, she’s here dressed like a goddamn fever dream and smiling like none of what we did happened.

I lean against the doorway between the kitchen and the open living room, watching her walk in, hips swaying slightly, skirt catching the light. Velvet. Red. Short. My breath catches in my throat.

“Ooh, this skirt is adorable,” Rae gushes.

Adorable? No. No, that’s not the word.

That skirt’s a fucking hazard. Red velvet, high-waisted, tight black top tucked in. She looks like trouble. Like temptation. Like Christmas came early, and I’m the idiot praying to unwrap her under the dining room table if she’ll just give me a chance.

“Thank you,” Dani says, laughing softly. “Was going to save it for the company holiday party, but I figured Mr. Marshall’s big day deserved something festive. Just pretend you haven’t seen it when I wear it next month.”

Regan squeezes her arm, grinning. Her husband Hayes stands close by, his arm draped around her shoulder like he always does. Protective. Loving. Natural. For them to start out in a marriage purely of convenience, they sure turned that around quickly and are more in love than ever.

My jaw tightens.

I used to think I liked my life just fine the way it was, clean, solitary, mine.

I’ve built something solid and dependable for my son to grow up with.

No strings. No ties. Always on the move.

But now, with her standing in this room, laughing with my family, all I can think about is what I don’t have and what I want.

Because suddenly I want a woman to laugh like that beside me and I want it to be her.

I want to stand behind her like Colt does with Molly, whisper something low and dirty that makes her blush while she bounces a baby on her hip.

I want to thread my fingers through her hair and kiss the back of her neck.

I want to look across the room and catch her eye and know she’s mine the way that Cash is doing with Rae.

Fuck, I'm jealous as hell of all of them.

Dani glances over and gives me a small, nervous wave when she catches my gaze that's fixated on her. “Hey, Lawson.”

I grunt in response and duck my head, turning toward the kitchen, fleeing like a coward.

I grab the bottle of whiskey from the counter—Cash’s blend, the one he made for Rae last fall when he realized he was in love with her with notes of cherries in it.

I then unscrew the cap, pour three fingers into my glass, and take a long pull.

The warmth crawls through me, grounding me in all the worst ways.

Figures. Love looks good on everyone else.

Cash steps in the room a few seconds later, all casual and unbothered as he leans against the counter. “Hey. You good?”

“I’m fine.”

“You look tense.”

“I’m not tense.”

He laughs. “Sure. You’re a ray of sunshine tonight. Real crowd-pleaser. Really bringing up the festive mood for dad's big day.” He folds his arms across his chest. “Usually Colt’s the broody one, but even he’s smiling with that new baby of his. What gives?”

“I just don’t get why Dani needs to be here,” I mutter, staring into my glass like it’s going to answer for me.

Cash raises an eyebrow. “Why do you care?”

“It’s family dinner.”

“She’s practically family. Dani’s the most loyal employee we’ve got and she's best friends with all our wives and sister. She’s the reason we’re closing out the year with record numbers. You of all people know how incredible she is at her job. You’re the one running the spreadsheets.”

“Jesus,” I mumble, pressing my fists into the edge of the counter as I lean forward, bracing. “Why don’t you fuck her if you love her so much?”

Cash jerks back, brows knitting. “What the hell, man?”

I shake my head, but I can feel the whiskey doing its thing. Feel the ache in my chest starting to split open. “Forget it. I didn’t mean—”

“No, I think you did,” he says carefully. “You wanna tell me what’s going on? The travel getting to you? You hit your head or something when you left the barn today? Because you've been mopey as hell.”

I drag a hand through my hair, yanking my cap off and fisting it in my hand before tapping my temples. “Because she’s in my head, okay? She’s in my blood and bones, and I don’t know how to shut it off because that's what she wants me to do.”

Cash’s eyes narrow, then widen as understanding dawns. “Oh,” he says. Then he smirks. “Oh...”

“Yeah,” I snap.

“You love her.”

“I think I somehow fucking do,” I growl. That’s the first time I've said those words out loud.

Cash nods slowly, like he’s trying not to smile too much. “Ah. I see.”

And just like that, the whiskey doesn’t feel like enough. I need something stronger.

“Took you long enough to figure it out,” Regan says, appearing like a ghost in the kitchen doorway. There’s a slight wobble in her step, one hand braced on the counter, the other resting protectively on the side of her swollen belly.

“Fuck, Regan, where the hell did you come from?”

“I might be carrying around a small watermelon, but I still know how to eavesdrop on my big brothers,” she says with a shrug. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Dani.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

Her brows shoot up, skeptical. “Wait… you already told her?”

“Not that I love her. But I told her I like her, yeah.” I drag a hand through my hair again.

“Dammit, this is so fucking stupid. She shut it down. Said she wants to keep things professional. That we’re coworkers and that’s all we have in common.

So, yeah, now you see why I’m losing my shit about her being here tonight.

This isn’t a team meeting, it’s a family birthday party. It's way too familiar and personal.”

“Ah,” Cash says, nodding like he’s piecing together a complicated puzzle. “So now you’re trying to shove her back into the ‘employee’ box.”

“Yes.”

“Well, hate to break it to you,” Regan says, easing onto a barstool, “but she never really fit in that box to begin with. Dani’s family, Lawson.

She’s one of my closest friends. She fits right in with me, Rae, Molly, Lydia and Georgia.

She’s not just some name on payroll and she's going to be around for loads of family events going forward.”

“That’s… not helping,” I groan, gripping the counter like I might launch myself through it. “I need to stop looking at her like that. She doesn't want me to.”

“Like what?” Cash asks, clearly entertained.

I narrow my eyes.

“Okay, okay,” he holds his hands up. “I’ll rephrase. Have you guys done anything?”

I give him a sharp look, and his eyes widen with amusement.

“Damn. Well, that does complicate things.”

“No shit,” I mutter.

Regan eyes me carefully. “So… just out of curiosity, have you tried… not being a dick to her?”

I shoot her a flat look.

Cash snorts. “Yeah, I mean, you’re not exactly Mister Warmth, even on a good day and today you're scowling like an old man.”

“I’m not an idiot,” I say. “I know how to treat her right. We've become friends this past year.”

“You sure?” he lifts a brow. “Because tonight she said hi and you completely ignored her.”

I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “She said she doesn’t want me. So, I figured, fine. I’ll keep it all business going forward. Stick to the job. Make sure I don’t cross any more lines because lines have definitely fucking been crossed.”

Cash leans against the fridge. “Okay, but… sounds like she said she didn’t want to date you.

Or maybe sleep with you. That doesn’t mean she wants you to turn into a cold stranger either.

There’s a middle ground, Lawson. You don’t have to gut your personality to protect yourself.

You guys have always had this casual, playful sort of relationship.

I thought it was flirty and knew this was going to happen but then I thought, nah, there’s no way that Lawson will cross that line . ”