Page 30
In the days that follow, Beckett and I have very little time alone. Marguerite has grown more restless, her moods scaling up and down. She wakes one morning in hysterics, swearing there are strangers in the house, hiding in the walls. Harriet and I take her from room to room, opening cupboards and closets. Still, she clings to the notion well into the afternoon, insisting they’ve come to abduct her. Sometimes my aunt’s delusions and hallucinations are harmless—even beautiful—like the musical flowers she sees blooming on the ceiling. Other times her hallucinations are so frightening they make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. Given my encounters with Weston, my own sense of reality has warped a great deal since coming here. Who’s to say what is truly real, and what is not? The mind is a powerful engine.
Despite Marguerite’s decline and my increasing responsibilities, I still manage to write to Ted’s wife, and she sends me a telegram a few days later. We make plans to meet in town the following week, at the same coffee shop Marguerite and I visited. Thankfully, Marguerite’s moods settle, and on the morning I’m due to meet Blanche, Harriet assures me she has things well in hand. I dress demurely, pinning my hair into a tidy bun, and go out to meet Beckett in the drive. I haven’t told him or Harriet the true purpose of our trip—only that I want to have coffee with a friend in town on holiday.
But as I take my place next to him in the car, a twinge of guilt convicts me. I need to tell Beckett the truth about Ted. I want to build our relationship on a foundation of honesty, because that’s what he deserves. What I deserve. After learning more about the faulty scaffolding in my family—lies stacked upon lies—I don’t want to make the same mistakes as my forebears.
I look over at Beckett and smile as we turn onto the road leading to town. It’s a beautiful day, with a bright azure sky arching overhead, but the gorgeous weather does little to soothe my apprehensions. He shifts gears, then places his hand over mine on the leather seat, glancing at me shyly through his lashes. When he pulls alongside the curb in front of the coffee shop, I turn to him, my nerves raw. “Beck, there’s something I need to tell you. About why I’m here.”
“Here? You mean the coffee shop?”
“Yes.” I hedge, twisting my hands together in my lap. “Do you remember when you asked me what happened with my fiancé?”
He nods. “You said things didn’t end well.”
“No. They didn’t. They didn’t end well because he was still married to someone else.”
Beckett is quiet for a moment, and my apprehension grows. “Did you know?” he finally asks.
“Not at first. But later? Yes. I did.” I reach out, place my hand on his arm. “It wasn’t my intention to fall in love with a married man. Ted pursued me. He was relentless. But I’m—I won’t deny my own guilt in the matter. We carried on for over two years, well past my knowing about his wife.”
“Is it him you’re meeting here, then?” I see the fear in Beckett’s eyes. The vulnerability. He’s afraid of losing me, just as much as I’m afraid of losing him.
“No. No! His wife. She sent me a letter and asked to meet me. She’s suing for divorce and needs my help.”
Beckett’s shoulders fall. He lets out a long breath.
“Beck, I’m only telling you because I want you to know everything about me. If this changes how you feel ...”
“It doesn’t, Sadie. Do you know how crazy I am about you? I was just afraid ...”
“I know. And I understand why. But you don’t have to worry about anyone else. I promise. I’m awake now. To everything.” I lean forward and press a chaste kiss to his lips. While I want to linger longer, want to drive far, far away from here and spend the day in his arms, it’s time to put this last remnant of my past to rest, so the future will be fully ours.
Blanche isn’t at all what I expect. She’s small, diminutive. Shy. Pretty in a way that doesn’t threaten, just like me. She lifts her coffee cup to her lips, and I see her wrist shake with nervousness. She’s the only other customer here, and I’m relieved for the both of us. Still, she glances around the café furtively as I approach, as if she’s worried someone has followed her. “Thank you for coming to meet me, Miss Halloran,” she says by way of greeting. “I didn’t know what to expect.”
“Nor I,” I say. “I’ve been a ball of nerves. This is all a bit strange, isn’t it?”
She smiles. “Yes.”
“I’ve been wondering how you found me.”
“I hope this won’t be too upsetting, but I hired a private investigator. He followed you for weeks in Kansas City, then followed you here, on the train. That’s how I found out where your aunt lived.”
I vaguely remember the stranger on the train, the one I bumped into at the station and then saw again in the dining car. It must have been him. “But why go to such great lengths if you already knew Ted was having an affair with me?”
“I needed proof. About the affair ... and Ted’s illegal dealings, although my investigator reassured me that you were innocent in all that.”
“Illegal dealings?”
Blanche’s small hands grip the edge of the table. “Didn’t you ever wonder where all his money came from, Miss Halloran?”
“I assumed it was from his businesses.”
“Yes. His businesses.” Blanche’s lips tighten. She lowers her voice to a whisper. “Do you know what cocaine is?”
“Yes ... I’m aware of what it is.”
“Well,” she says, “that’s where Ted’s money comes from. He runs it all over the country, along with liquor and hashish. He’s in thick with the mob, which is why I’m so nervous. I’m working with a federal marshal. But it’s taking more time than I’d hoped to get Ted arrested. I’m very afraid of him and I’m growing more desperate.”
I sit back in my chair, stunned. I had my suspicions about the bootlegging, given Ted’s encyclopedic knowledge of spirits, but drugs? “I had no idea.”
“Well. He fooled the both of us, didn’t he?” She laughs and shakes her head. “Ted and I were both schoolteachers when we first met. Did you know that?”
“No. But he was always cagey about his life. Now I see why. And this new girl? Who is she?”
“Oh, there are several girls, dear. There always have been. You were never the only one.” Blanche smiles sadly. “I’m sorry if you thought you were.”
I sigh, not the least surprised. “How can I help?”
She reaches into her pocketbook and draws out a piece of pink paper. “If you’ll read this affidavit and go with me to a notary to sign it, I need it to file for divorce. As concrete proof of Ted’s adultery. After the divorce is granted, I plan on taking the children and getting as far away from Missouri as possible.”
I read over the document quickly, then together, we walk to the post office, where I sign the affidavit and the clerk notarizes it with his seal. I’m not worried one iota about what having such a confession on record will do to my reputation. It feels good to come clean. To be honest about my past. I’m starting over, and so is Blanche. We’re more alike than I ever could have imagined.
“Thank you so much, Miss Halloran,” Blanche says, hastily stowing the affidavit in her pocketbook, her eyes brimming with tears. “I only want my life back. To live with my children and be free. I never asked for any of this.”
“I understand,” I say, reaching out. She gives me her hand, and I squeeze it gently. “I have something for you. Something that may help you and the children.”
I pull Ted’s ring from my pocket and offer it to her. Her eyes widen at the sight. “Oh my.”
“I’m so sorry for all the grief I’ve caused you,” I say. “I should have never ... I should have known better. I wasn’t raised that way, Mrs. Fitzsimmons.”
“We all make mistakes, Miss Halloran,” she says, her tone gentle as she takes the ring. “What matters most is what we learn from them.”
I watch her walk away, brisk little thing, and think about how strong we women truly are. How strong we have to be, in this man’s world.
Table of Contents
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- Page 30 (Reading here)
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