Page 15

LIVIA

After Caelan finished with me, I pulled the blankets up to my chin and stared up at the ceiling, my eyes filling with tears. All the emotions from the past few days seem to hit me at once, and I… I didn’t know what to do with it anymore.

I had never killed anyone before, but the sound of Elijah’s spine shattering in my hands wouldn’t stop replaying through my mind. Every time I closed my fucking eyes, I saw his corpse. I could feel the life leave his body.

Bile rose in my throat, and I bit back a sob.

Lycos, what is wrong with me?! Wolves kill others all the time, and I’m getting caught up on this one single death that he had consented to?

“What’s wrong?” Caelan asked, his voice distant but his body close.

“It’s nothing,” I said, turning over so he wouldn’t see my tears.

“What is it?” he asked again, wrapping his arm around my waist.

“It’s nothing.”

The chaos from earlier today and the pleasure from being with him had worn off, and now I had to lie here, thinking about what I had done. How I had killed someone. Murdered them. Slaughtered them.

A tear slid down my cheek. How could I do that? Sure, I’d entered that fight knowing that I could possibly kill someone if they didn’t surrender. But I’d thought they would. Why would they want to die?

If anything, I wanted to.

When the thought that I had been holding back since Mom died drifted through my head, a sob cracked through my throat. All this time, Dad had acted like he didn’t want me. Nobody in this fucking pack watched me. And the only person I cared about was dead.

But I should be the one dead. I shouldn’t have survived the games.

“Livia, what’s wrong?” he murmured against my ear, pulling me closer. “Tell me.”

“It’s nothing!” I shouted, turning over to face him, but tears were flooding down my cheeks. I slammed my hands into his chest, yet my fingers curled into the muscle, both wanting him farther away and closer. “Can’t you see that I’m fine?!”

His hard expression turned softer for a moment, his brows furrowing just enough. He reached out and placed a hand over mine, running his thumb across my knuckles. “You can talk to me.”

“No, I can’t. You don’t care. You don’t like me. You just wanna use me.”

After a moment of him looking like he was trying to restrain himself, probably from saying yes, he took a deep breath. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he said again, this time in his alpha-tone.

Usually, I could ignore his alpha commands, but I found myself opening my mouth.

“I…” My voice broke. “I killed someone.”

He pushed some hair off my forehead. “He was going to kill you.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t make it right. I killed someone.”

“I know,” he murmured, lacing a hand into my hair and pulling me to his chest. “I know. I’m sorry. I tried to stop it, but I could’ve tried harder. I should’ve known you were gone sooner than I did. I’m sorry. I should’ve protected you.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t know why he was being so nice to me right now. He never showed any emotion other than lust, not outwardly, not explicitly. And now? Now I was getting softness from him?

I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed for a long time until there were no more tears left.

How could this be normal? How could wolves just kill each other without remorse?

Mom had raised me to be so kind, to live a quiet life in the trees, to love others even when they didn’t love me.

And to be thrust into this life seven months ago with Dad telling me that this was how he lived, that this was how I needed to learn to live too?

I… I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t want to kill anyone ever again.

“What was that power?” Caelan finally asked.

“It was my wolf,” I said without hesitation.

“No,” he said. “It’s not your wolf.”

“It has to be.”

“Those powers do not come from our pack,” he said. “I’ve never seen them before.”

“Then… what is it?”

He drew his tongue across his teeth and shook his head. “I don’t know.”

My entire body stiffened in his arms. “But I’m a wolf.”

“Are you?” he asked.

While Mom might’ve raised me my entire life, she had always told me about Dad and his pack, always told me that I’d transform into a wolf one day. I had been a wolf since the moment I was born, and we had a mate bond to prove it.

Fury built up inside me, and I shoved my hands into his chest and found myself racing across the room to pick up my clothes to put them back on. I didn’t know why his words hurt so much, but… but maybe it was because…

“You know I’m a wolf,” I said. “You feel the bond too. I know you do.”

He sat up and leaned against the headboard, running a hand through his hair. “Livia, I do, but–”

“But we can never be together. Blah, blah, blah. I know that, you stupid fucking–”

“But we need to figure this out,” he said, suddenly out of the bed and at my side. He grabbed my hands and forced me to look up into those golden brown eyes. “Because if we don’t, then you’re going to get yourself killed.”