Page 53
Story: The Accidental Debutante
‘I can’t bear you to disappear from my life like this. Come and live with me. As I’ve said before, my annuity from my grandmother will be enough for us both.’
Eliza had leapt to her feet too and she caught her sister in her arms. ‘That means so much to me. To not be entirely orphaned in this world. But I can’t live on your charity, just as I can’t on the kindness of strangers, like Mr and Mrs Wolfe.’
‘But it isn’t charity when it’s offered with love.
’ Marina’s face was flushed with feeling.
‘My affection for you, as a friend, as a sister, has taken me aback. I have tried to live without passion, to make reason supreme; I’ve sought to be proof against anything, to be invulnerable to disappointment and pain.
’ She looked deep into Eliza’s eyes. ‘But meeting you has upended my life. I have realised I cannot live on reason alone. I cannot live without affection too.’
The tray of tea and biscuits was placed on a small table by the sofa and both young women sat down again while Marina poured out two cups.
She continued in a faltering voice, gazing down at her lap.
‘Forgive my frankness, Eliza, but when I first saw you, sheltering from the rain, I knew I wanted you in my life. I felt your strength and courage, how kind you were, and quick to understand. I recognised then I wished to know you and hoped you would know me too. Nothing would make me happier than to have you live here with my mother and me.’ She took her hand. ‘Don’t go back to the circus, Eliza!’
Eliza was both touched and troubled by the emotion in her sister’s voice. It was disconcerting to find her so off-kilter, buffeted by a storm of feelings and a need for kinship as unsettling as her own.
She met Marina’s troubled eyes and said, ‘I felt the same connection from that first meeting. Since I was seven years old I have lived without a sense of belonging anywhere and then suddenly, there you were. I feel lucky indeed to have found you. But if I lived with your family, what would I do? I have no skills as you have.’ She dropped her eyes and in a quiet voice admitted something that seemed foolish even to her.
‘You see, I long for a family of my own.’
Marina’s face was immediately suffused with understanding and sympathy. She squeezed her hand. ‘Of course you do. When you have been deprived of family, then you must make your own, and I will be beside you all the way, offering what encouragement I can.’
For Eliza, to be offered kindness and understanding was a heady thing and she burst out, ‘Oh, Marina, thank you! I thought you’d think it foolish and presumptuous when I have so little to offer.’
‘I can only wish for what is best for those I love. And you have so much to offer; your bravery, your beauty, your skill and goodness of heart.’ They sat together in silence.
Then Miss Fairley had a thought. ‘What about that American whose horse you rode? He sounds like someone who would be a sensible choice in making a family of your own.’
‘He has asked me to marry him.’ Eliza paused and met Marina’s surprised look with a wry smile.
‘It would be more a marriage of convenience for us both. And I’d leave England, and you, my only sister, just as I’ve found you.
’ Something made her refrain from adding, And my heart asks more than such a life can give.
Miss Fairley’s voice cut through Eliza’s reverie. ‘I’ve never seen the attraction of marriage. In fact, I don’t see the attraction of men. In my experience they just bring disruption and despair in their wake.’
Eliza gave her sister a startled glance. ‘How so?’ Eliza asked.
‘Look at our despicable cousin, for instance. He corrupts every woman who crosses his path.’
Eliza sensed some deeper wound and leaned forward to take Marina’s hand. ‘He’s not harmed you, has he?’ she asked, her eyes full of sympathetic feeling.
Marina shrugged. ‘When I was too naive to know. But who could I tell? My mother wouldn’t have believed me, my father was dead, and his mother would never accept any criticism of her son.’
‘Oh, Marina. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been here to help you. No wonder you have such an aversion to him. I could not dislike him more!’
Marina Fairley squeezed Eliza’s hand. ‘I have excised him from my heart and mind. I practise my rational philosophy, which helps. But I am gratified beyond measure that after last night’s events at his club, he’s even brought his doting mother woe. He’s just lost half his fortune at hazard!’
‘He deserves every ruin.’ Eliza was still outraged on her sister’s behalf. How unfair that without a fierce parent as protection, a young woman was at the mercy of rich young noblemen like Davenport.
Marina had regained her poise and she continued, ‘As you have guessed, it’s women who stir my imagination – my grandmother, you, other friends.
Our minds are like summer gardens filled with colour, scent and life, while men’s are but pavements and railings.
How any woman can find romance in that is beyond my understanding.
’ And she linked her arm through Eliza’s.
Eliza laughed. Lord Purfoy certainly liked to cultivate a controlled, civilised manner but she had glimpsed the riot of dangerous emotion and desire that seethed beneath the surface.
He had volcanoes under his skin. But it was too painful to contemplate and she put the image from her mind.
Turning to Marina, she asked, ‘Don’t you wish for your own family too? ’
Marina shook her head. ‘The family I have has brought me enough grief. Apart from my dearest grandmama, the rest think me a disappointment, neither beautiful nor charming enough, too clever for my own good. My mother disdains me and my father never wanted to know me.’
‘ Our father, dear Marina,’ Eliza said, eager to share the blood connection for good and ill. ‘He cared enough to send you the manuscript you’re now translating.’
‘He only revealed a flicker of interest in me when I showed some facility in what interested him. Other than that he cared not a jot. I know it’s because he did not love my mother, but at least he appears to have loved yours.
’ She pulled Eliza towards her on the sofa in a brief hug.
‘Kindness is an underrated virtue and you have shown me this. I am grateful indeed, Eliza, and selfishly I hope you don’t go to America and leave me alone. ’
‘I think I’d rather return to the circus and with the obstinate unreason of a fool, hope that I will find my path from there.’
Eliza stood up to go and Marina’s fervent gaze met her eyes. ‘Remember there’s always a home for you here. Nothing would make me happier.’
Just at that moment, Mrs Fairley bustled in through the front door with a large striped bandbox.
‘Good afternoon.’ She hesitated with a distracted look on her face.
‘It’s Miss Gray, isn’t it? My dear, I’m glad you’ve been entertaining Marina.
Such a pity though that it is only shame that unites you.
’ With that sour remark, she disappeared up the stairs.
As the young women walked to the front door, Miss Fairley whispered, ‘Mama is afraid of death, certain that the seduction that preceded my arrival in this world will consign her to the fires of hell. It upsets me that I am her badge of dishonour and sin, and there is nothing I can say or do to console her.’
Eliza took both her hands. ‘In that case we are both badges of our parents’ sins, but I am very glad that I share this distinction with you, dear sister.
’ It was suddenly clear to her that Marina Fairley’s resistance to emotion was a protection against the maelstrom of blame and guilt at home.
Collecting Polly, she set off back to Brook Street to spend her last night under the Wolfes’ roof.
* * *
That night Corinna was disconsolate and uncomfortable.
The baby was lying against her spine and she had backache.
She was also worried about the inhabitants of her house.
Things were not going to plan. How much she wished for the ends to be tied in a satisfactory bow, but people were not ribbons and their lives and wills were contrary to order and reason.
As she plucked at the coverlet, she thought this was why she loved painting.
With her brush she made a pattern of the chaos of life; the lines and colours were all put in their pleasing place.
She wanted to talk to Alick but he was late to bed.
She turned restlessly, trying to find a comfortable position in which to lie.
The baby was larger than Emma at this stage in her pregnancy and more active, kicking her at inconvenient times and places.
Cook and Polly assured her this was a sign she was carrying a braw boy.
Corinna was just falling asleep when the door opened and her husband entered, his face ghostly in the candlelight.
‘Are you still awake?’ he whispered as he put the candlestick he was carrying on the table.
Corinna struggled to sit up and said in a cross, sleepy voice, ‘Alick! I’ve been waiting for you. I need to talk.’
He cast off his banyan and clambered into bed. ‘I’m sorry, my darling. I stayed drinking with Zadoc. He’s off to Ireland tomorrow.’
‘Well, Eliza Gray is off tomorrow too, but she goes back to the circus. I’m so concerned for her, but she’s even more obstinate than you are!
She says she cannot live on the charity of others.
But you agree, Alick, we would be very happy for her to live here with us. She could help when the baby comes.’
‘Of course. I agree with you on all domestic matters, dearest Corinna.’
He looked pale and tired as he sank back on the pillows and she knew he was hoping she would stop talking and fall asleep, but she had to unburden herself. ‘Alick, what did you ascertain about your cousin’s marital plans? You know he’s asked Miss Gray to marry him?’
Table of Contents
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- Page 53 (Reading here)
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