Page 61 of That Last Carolina Summer

She pressed her lips together and gave me a brief nod. “So what do I do now?”

“First, I’m going to talk with Dale. I’m sure he knows a good defense attorney. Then we’ll go to the police, and you can tell them the whole story.”

She stared at me with wide eyes. “We?”

“Yes, Addie. We. No matter what. We’re sisters, and I’ll always be here for you.

And for Mother and Ophelia.” Saying it out loud made it seem more real.

A passing shadow of grief for the life I’d be leaving behind flitted through me.

But there was also an unexpected hopefulness for the life I hadn’t planned but was still ripe with possibilities.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice hoarse.

My gaze drifted to her arm lying on top of the bedsheets.

Beneath the fresh scratches and abrasions from the previous night, a fading bruise glared from the crook of her elbow.

Her eyes met mine when I lifted my head.

“That’s why you thought Dale was too good for you, isn’t it? Because of what you’d done.”

Fresh tears filled her eyes before she turned away.

“For the record,” I said, “if I ever see that Joe creep, I’m going to kick him where it counts. You didn’t deserve any of what he did to you, no matter what you might have thought. You are way too good for the likes of him.”

She faced me again, her expression hopeful. “You really believe that?”

“Really.” Addie closed her eyes, and I stood to leave. “Try to get some rest now.” I bent to kiss her forehead. “I love you,” I said.

“Me, too.” Her words were mumbled, and despite everything they made me smile. Since we were little, she’d always insisted on having the last word.

When I turned to leave, Dale was waiting in the doorway. “How much of that did you hear?” I asked.

“Enough.”

“I hope the fact that you haven’t run away is a good sign.”

“Meaning will I help Addie through this? Absolutely.” He shrugged. “I don’t really have a choice. I love her, Phoebe. I think I always have.”

Some of the tightness in the pit of my stomach loosened. “Thank you.” I reached up and surprised him by hugging him.

He returned the hug then headed into Addie’s room.

I spotted Celeste in the hallway. I started to speak, but she shook her head. “You can give me the details later, but I figured out most of it on my drive over. It was Addie’s painting that told me most of the story.”

“And you’re still speaking to me?”

“Oh, Phoebe. Do you really think so little of me? You had nothing to do with it. But I’d be lying if I denied that in my heart I’m struggling with exonerating you completely. Guilt by association, I suppose. It’s going to take some time.”

“I get it,” I said, feeling an immense wave of relief.

My friendship with Celeste had come to mean a great deal to me, and her departure from my life would have been almost like another death.

“I know that anything I say won’t really help, but I’m so sorry.

About Julie. I really was hoping that one day. ..” I couldn’t finish.

“Me, too. But now we know.”

I glanced toward Addie’s room where I could see Dale sitting by her bed, her hand in his. Drawing a deep breath, I said, “I think my mother knew. All of it.”

“I think she did, too.”

I studied Celeste’s face, trying to read her expression. “Then why aren’t you angry? After all we’ve done to your family?”

A soft smile settled on her face. “I am angry. But most of all I’m sad.

Sad for Julie and for the life she wasn’t allowed to live and the children she wasn’t allowed to have.

I’m working on pushing that anger aside.

I’ve discovered in my seventy-five years that feeding anger only robs me of peace.

I’d rather spend my last years without looking back at what might have been and instead enjoy what I have in the present.

I can grieve for Julie now, and for that I’m grateful.

And I’m choosing to replace my anger with compassion.

It’s just something else that’s going to take time. ”

“Of course,” I said. “Just know that I’ll be waiting for you with open arms when you’re ready.”

She surprised me by hugging me, and I hugged her back. Pulling away, I said, “How can you be so strong?”

“I learned the same way you did. We become strong when the only other choice is to quit. And you and I are not quitters.”

I stepped back. “I need to ask you for one more favor. Can you wait until Addie is strong enough to talk to the police? It will go better for her if she’s the one who approaches them first.”

Celeste hesitated for a moment. “I’ll do it for you. Because you’re my friend, and you didn’t ask for any of this, either.”

“Thank you.” I forced the next words out of my mouth. “Does Liam know?”

She nodded. “I couldn’t keep him in the dark, Phoebe. I’m sure you understand.”

“You both must think I’m so stupid. How did I not realize that the dream I’ve been having all these years was about your missing granddaughter? I’d seen her die at least a hundred times, and I never stopped to think it might be Julie.”

“You’re not stupid, Phoebe. Our minds will only allow us to see what it thinks we can handle. You weren’t ready. Neither was I. There were so many clues once I got to know Addie, and my mind also let me keep blinders on. I think it’s called self-preservation.”

“Thanks for saying that. Although, I won’t blame Liam for disagreeing with you.” I exhaled, suddenly aware of how exhausted I was. “I need to get back to my room so they can discharge me.”

Celeste nodded. “And don’t worry about Ophelia. She’s in the waiting room, and I’ll keep her with me as long as you need.”

I smiled my thanks then headed down the hall to the nurses’ station, feeling her watching me. It would be a while before the doctor would come to my room, so I decided to go find my mother.

I’d been warned that she’d been given pain medication and would be sleeping, but I wanted to see her. Whether or not she could hear me, I needed to talk to her.

Like Addie, her face was devoid of color, and I made a mental note to bring lipstick when I returned in the morning.

Even if she wouldn’t know or care, I would.

I pulled up a chair next to her bed and sat in silence for a while, listening to the bustle of the hospital from the hallway and the steady beeping of her monitors.

Despite what I’d prepared myself to see, my mother appeared even frailer than my worst imaginings.

Maybe because the image of her that I carried with me was of the indomitable woman who’d raised my sister and me while keeping the peace with our father.

Until now, I hadn’t realized how much she’d protected us from his influence.

She might not have been able to stop him from hiding Addie’s complicity in Julie’s death, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it had been her who’d convinced him to drop the lawsuit against a young Liam.

She kept her victories private, but that didn’t make them any less meaningful.

I took her limp hand in mine, remembering these same hands holding mine before crossing a street or pressed against my chest when she braked the car even though I wore a seat belt.

An overwhelming sense of absence spread through me like a choking vine.

Maybe this was the destiny of all adult children, to mourn for the end of our childhoods when faced with the fragilities of our aging parents.

“Hello, Mother. It’s me. Phoebe.” I stared down at our clasped hands, almost expecting her to squeeze my fingers in response.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but I don’t think it matters.

I just need to say a few things.” I’d already decided that I wasn’t going to mention Julie or Addie.

Whatever Addie’s story would be, I would make sure that our mother wasn’t part of it.

She’d done what she did to protect her daughter.

And she’d been punishing herself for years.

“I’m sorry for not seeing you as a person for all those years growing up.

Maybe children aren’t supposed to, but I was so busy trying to force you into the mold I wanted that I don’t think it would have mattered.

I hope you can forgive me. And I forgive you for letting me see your disappointment that I wasn’t the daughter you wanted me to be.

I can see now that you just wanted to make my life easier.

But you gave me Aunt Sassy to fill the gap between our expectations. So thank you.”

I used the hem of my shirt to wipe my eyes.

“I think you didn’t know how to mother a child like me, and I didn’t know how to be your daughter.

We should have stopped trying so hard and just let things work themselves out.

But we’re both so hardheaded. I guess I got that from you.

It’s not a bad quality, you know. So I guess I should thank you for that, too. ”

I cleared my throat. “I do love you, Mother. Even though at times I found it hard to show you. But you also sometimes made it hard for me to love you. That never meant I didn’t.”

I gently placed her hand on the bed then stood.

“I don’t want you to worry about anything, okay?

I’m going to take care of you and Addie and Ophelia.

Just don’t expect perfection. I’m sure I’ll make mistakes along the way, but that just means I’m trying.

We’ll get through this. All of us.” Leaning over her, I kissed her forehead and left the room, feeling the cold hospital floor on my bare feet.