Page 46 of Tethered

“Youletme—” I inhale sharply, clench my teeth around the rest of the sentence.Valejaflashes through my mind. I don’t have the energy to pick apart how shitty that makes me feel right now. I should have remembered that sometimes ex-military are just as hyperaware after leaving the service as they were during it.

“What,” Tanisira bites down on the word, “do you need?”

I deflate. “The strongest painkillers Khrys has.”

She gives me another sceptical once-over but doesn’t argue. If I wasn’t so tired, I think I’d be spitting fire. Instead, I listen to her opening the cabinets behind me, rummaging through the contents, the rattle of pills, crinkle of boxes, and the susurration of packets. There’s a momentary pause, and I can practically hear her thinking. Maybe she’s never needed prescription painkillers before and she doesn’t recognise them.

“Read the labels out to me,” I say.

“PanaCure, Nocixene, PainErase, Dolorin, NeuroSyn 23—”

A jolt goes through my body. I gasp, both in shock and pain. “What?”

Tanisira hesitates. In the lull, my pulse surges and rushes in my ears. “Say that last one again,” I practically yell.

“NeuroSyn-23.” She comes back into view, crouches down and holds a box aloft.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” I mutter in disbelief. I’m already ripping into it, pushing through my discomfort out of pure excitement.

“What is it?”

Inside the box sit two pre-filled syringes, packaged up to the high heavens, needles sitting pretty in separate, sealed casing. Iflop back onto the floor and try not to scream in glee, or I might just die. What are the fucking odds? I grin at Tanisira, even though she looks worried. I can’t hold back this overwhelming relief. She thinks I’m crazy—Ifeelcrazy.

“This is exactly what I need.”

She helps me onto a bed and brings over a first aid kit. I’m so elated that I don’t even hate how she has to scoop me into her arms like a child. I watch her wash her hands and then she wipes away the blood smeared all over my face, sealing my busted lip with quick aid gel. She tugs up my shirt, as instructed—I would do it myself, but by this point, my hands are more tremor than anything else. I’m more likely to stab myself in the eye. Tanisira’s hands are gentle on my body, tucking the hem of the shirt under itself and out of the way.

I hate that I want reassurance for something I’ve undergone a thousand times before, but I ask anyway. “Can you talk me through it, please?”

“Stole my line,” Tanisira murmurs. There’s a wash of cold as she runs a disinfectant wipe over the skin at the base of my spine. I shiver. “That’s the area cleaned. I’m opening the packaging. Now I’m clicking the needle into the syringe, making sure it’s secure. Bracing my left hand on your lower back, holding the skin taut. Are you okay?”

I hum. This doesn’t unnerve me; in fact, it’s the most peaceful I’ve been all day. I’ve been administering NeuroSyn-23 to myself for longer than Vee’s been alive.

“Injecting now.”

There’s pressure as Tanisira pushes the needle into my lower back, breaking the skin and then depressing the plunger slowly and steadily. I sigh at the sensation; something that used to weird me out now feels like comfort. It’s slightly sore when she pulls the needle out, but nothing I can’t handle. Better than the alternative. I close my eyes and wait for the meds to work.There’s a clink as she disposes of the syringe in the proper container, cleans my skin and then the rush of water as she washes her hands again.

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Tanisira asks a moment later. “That was an obscenely large needle.”

“Ironically, I think my nerve endings in that patch of skin are deadened after all these years. It only hurts when I remove the syringe, and only a little.”

There’s a moment of silence. I know it’s coming, so I just wait. It’s not like I can run away, anyway.

“What just happened?” she asks. Before I can reply, she cuts in. “Please don’t lie to me again. Finding you on the floor like that was unfair.”

“Sit down.”

“Marlowe—”

“I’m going to tell you, just sitdown. You’ll make me nervous and ruin it. This is the best part.”

When she pulls a chair up beside me and peers into my face, I see the moment she realises I’m already pretty high. Her forehead creases as she looks me over carefully, frowning. “Your pupils have blown out.”

I sigh dreamily. “It only lasts for about ten minutes, but it’s fucking fantastic.”

“You’re high?”

“Wow, judgmental much?”