Page 10 of Testing the Kot’oll Officer (Dating the Kot’olls #3)

Chapter 10

Julie

I sit back on the couch, letting out a breath as it finally feels like the day is over. It has been a long one. "Vatok... Are you here?"

He isn't in the living room, but he may be in the bedroom. I miss him. He's a strong guy, he can just carry me to him instead of otherwise.

The apartment feels unusually quiet, each tick of the wall clock echoing like a reminder of my loneliness. I pad softly down the dim hallway, my heart picking up a little at the thought of just seeing him. "Vatok?"

As I approach the bedroom door, I half-expect to see him lounging on the bed, his broad frame sinking into the blankets. Instead, the room is shadowed, the curtains drawn tightly, leaving only a sliver of dusk-colored light to spill across the floor. I hesitate before peeking in, feeling like an intruder in a space where I should feel safest.

There he is, sitting on the edge of the bed, his head bowed as if he’s contemplating the weight of the world.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, my voice nearly swallowed by the air around us.

He glances up, his eyes tired but glimmering with something unreadable. "I just need a moment. It's been... a lot."

I can’t help but notice how his shoulders slump, the very essence of his usually commanding presence dimming. My heart aches. This isn’t the strong, resilient Vatok I know. Something has to be wrong, really wrong. Is that with his job?

I step closer. "I had a rough day too. Tell me what’s on your mind?"

But instead of opening up, he shifts slightly, as if my words had pushed him back further into his thoughts.

His silence feels like a wall, and for the first time, I can’t quite reach him. The playful echo of our laughter from earlier in the week feels like a distant memory, one that I grasp but cannot hold.

I sit by his side and wrap my arms around him. I enjoy my time with him, even when none of us talk. It happens sometimes, when our days can be rough, and there's no telling what will happen every single day. But tonight, the peace we usually find in shared silence dances on the edge of discomfort. I lean against him, resting my head on his shoulder, hoping to draw him out of his brooding. “Remember that time when I didn't park well?"

He chuckles softly, a half-hearted one. The warmth of his body next to mine gives me a flicker of hope, but the heaviness lingers.

He has been this way recently. Maybe work has been rough on him and he gets tired. I just wish I could help.

“Vatok, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I’m here.”

He shifts, his hand resting over my own as if he’s searching for warmth in my touch. “I don’t want to burden you. You’ve had a long day. You don’t need my rants.”

“Everyone needs to rant sometimes." I squeeze his hand. My heart hammers with concern.

He closes his eyes briefly, a soft sigh escaping his lips, and at that moment, I catch a glimpse of the turmoil swirling beneath his surface. “It’s... complicated.”

“Step by step. What’s weighing you down?”

He shakes his head. "I'm fine."

Except there's no way he's fine.

I sigh. Maybe I have to be the one talking first. "You know? Today in the bar, there were those creepers too. Not as many as before, when we are meant to be together and been showing together quite some of the time."

He flinches. "Still?" he groans, sounding more frustrated than he should. If there even is an acceptable level of annoyance, he should feel over this.

"It feels like it's never-ending, regardless. I think we've been pretty convincing."

"Some beings know no boundaries." That's what he said, but it feels like there's something behind those words.

He yawns and lies on the bed. "I have an early shift tomorrow."

"Okay..." I join him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Can I just tell you one thing?"

He nods. "Yes, just so you know. I care about you a lot." He squeezes my hand and I don't doubt him.

"But sometimes it feels like you’re slipping away," I murmur, the words bittersweet on my tongue. "I see things change, and I can't help but wonder if I’m losing you."

He shifts slightly, turning to face me, his brow furrowing as he processes my words. “I’m not going anywhere, Julie. I promise.” His voice is steadier now, yet the shadows linger in his eyes. “Life just has a way of piling it on, you know?”

“I do know. But I want to share that weight with you. It doesn't have to be just your burden to bear.” The sincerity in my tone hangs in the air, urging him to open up. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, searching his gaze for understanding.

He studies my eyes for a long moment as if weighing my offer against a scale only he can see. “You deserve so much more.”

"How am I supposed to know what to do if I don't know what happened? I just wanted to help you like how you're helping me."

He blinks and something seems to pass his mind. He rolls to face the other side of the bed. "It's getting late. I have to sleep. I'll be there with you on your shift too. We'll make sure the creepy ones stay away from you."

I reach for his shoulder but pull back before I touch him. "Okay... Thank you for being here with me."

He yawns. "Is that the thing you want to talk about?"

"Like... Kind of? It's mainly just beings trying their silly pick-up line on me."

He hums, the vibration from his chest making its way to me. I want to hug him, but maybe he really needs sleep. "That's because you're amazing. Everyone wants..." he yawns, "a chance with you. Don't worry, I won't stop helping you until they leave you alone." He sounds... tired. There's not a hint of enthusiasm in his tone.

My heart skips a beat. Is that a reference to how... He's only here so that we can show whoever thinks they have a chance with me that we are really dating each other and I'm not looking for a mate. So... "I... Thank you for the help."

He rolls around to face me with a smile. It's a tired and weak smile, but it is a smile regardless. He leans closer. "Is this what humans do? Or mates do?" He pecks a kiss on my forehead. "Night."

"Night."

He closes his eyes and seemingly falls asleep at once. I love watching his handsome face but at the same time... There is so much left unsaid. Something that...

I take a breath, taking in his scent, but even that's not enough to calm me.

When have I been that concerned over what others think? Vatok isn't just a random being, yet...

Am I overthinking it? He could have been just tired, like he said, with nothing else on the line, yet...

There's a knot in my stomach and that doesn't sit well at all.