Page 12 of Teach Me (Deviant Players #1)

‘Well, yes, I did.’

‘It wasn’t nearly as rough as the videos, but a fair sample to tease your mind. I won’t take you further than you want to go, but I think you’re still keeping secrets from me.’ He slid his hands up my thighs. ‘Honesty, Ophelia,’ he reminded me. ‘It’s the foundation of any relationship.’

But this wasn’t a relationship. It was an experiment. It would soon end, and all I’d be left with was the knowledge that I’d allowed him to dehumanise me. That wasn’t what I wanted.

This was what I wanted: his hands beneath my skirt, so close to my bare pussy that I squirmed in my seat.

‘I’ve created a safe environment for you to explore your sexuality.’ His hands settled on my hips, his eyes boring into mine. ‘Answer my question honestly. Why did you skip the last ten videos?’

‘I did enjoy myself with you,’ I said, ‘but that’s different.’

‘How so?’ He glanced at the closed curtains. ‘Because we were watched?’

‘Because it was you.’

‘Hmm.’

‘It was arousing to be watched,’ I admitted, my voice small and breathy. ‘I’ve never done anything like that before.’

‘I know.’

My gaze met his. ‘Have you?’

‘With a student? No.’

The thought of him having sex with anyone else made my hands curl with a sudden, surprising fury. Stunned by my reaction, I looked away.

‘We could’ve been arrested for public indecency.’

‘Ophelia.’ His stern tone drew my gaze back to his. ‘I would never put your academic career at risk, nor my own. Trust I have full control over this experiment, as any good researcher would.’

Not knowing what else to say, I nodded.

‘But I’m not only a researcher,’ he continued. ‘You promised me honesty and obedience, yet you’ve now deflected my question twice.’

My eyes widened. Would he punish me? Did I want him to? Perhaps ignorance was the best option.

‘What do you?—?’

He rose. ‘Don’t tempt me to find a ruler. I would love to mark your arse. Why didn’t you watch the last ten videos?’

I twisted my hands in my lap. ‘They made me uncomfortable.’

‘Because…?’

‘Because…’ I sighed. ‘Because I don’t believe it was consensual. I don’t think any woman wants to be dehumanised and treated like a…’

‘A slut?’ he finished. ‘Remember what I told you when we started this experiment? You have a misconception about a healthy Dom/sub relationship. There’s clear communication.

Limits. Consent for both parties. Role-playing.

That’s what the videos depicted. Not abuse.

Not misogyny. Those women felt empowered to fulfil their fantasies in a safe environment, just as you can feel safe with me.

’ He crouched before me again, taking my hands in his.

‘If you would rather not explore this further, you can stop the experiment now.’

I searched his eyes, seeking the truth behind his words. And I found it in abundance. ‘I don’t want to stop, but I also don’t want to feel… used.’

‘Perhaps it’s more accurate to say you don’t want to be insignificant?’

I nodded. I wanted to be more than a warm body to him, no matter how silly it sounded.

His eyes softened. ‘You’ve always been my most diligent student.

Dedicated. Driven. Those are all words I can use about the standards you’ve set for yourself, but I can’t help but wonder if…

’ He put his hand on my cheek. ‘If you’ve set those standards so high because you feel the need to prove your worth. ’

A lump formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it and refute his assumption, but it was too late.

‘I see you, Ophelia. I see how hard you work and how much you’ve accomplished. I also see the burden it’s taking on you, and I want you to know that you don’t have to prove your worth. You’re enough.’

Damn this man. He always got inside my head. I half-glared at him from behind my tears. ‘I hate it when you psychoanalyse me.’

His smile broadened. ‘I’ve met many overachievers like you.

Women who come to me with a need to shut off for a while.

Some want to feel used and wanted, while others seek a safe place to retreat from reality.

They want to relinquish power. They want to be called derogatory terms. They want to be punished, humiliated, brought in line. It’s cathartic.’

‘How?’ I whispered.

‘Because it’s a moment away from reality where you can be my failing student, whom I have to spank because she missed her essay deadline.

In a scene, there are no gender stereotypes, social norms, or anything else limiting your sexuality.

You can be my slut. You can be a virgin ravaged by five Doms. You can be a victim taken against your will.

You can even be an object for the evening, a breathing piece of furniture made for someone else’s comfort. ’

Frowning, I stared into the room behind him. ‘I don’t want to be an object. I want to be…’ I trailed off, not knowing what I wanted anymore.

‘To be seen?’ he offered. ‘I see you, Ophelia. You could never be insignificant to me.’

Our gazes met. Mine was hesitant, seeking a reason for his statement, a confirmation that I meant more to him than he let on. His was sterner, determined to prove his point and get the truth out of me, no matter what.

‘Consent is everything, Ophelia. I’d never force you to do anything.

I want you to choose to give me the control, like the women in the videos surrendered theirs.

’ I shuddered as he lifted my left leg and hooked it over the armrest, then repeated the same with my right leg, fully exposing my pussy to him.

Embarrassment and arousal coursed through me.

I gripped my bunched-up skirt to cover myself up, but he took hold of my wrists and gently pulled them away.

‘Submission is the fiercest, boldest statement of power you can make. And earning your submission gives me more pleasure than you can imagine.’

‘What are you doing?’

He placed my hands on my knees, gripped my hips, and pulled my butt to the edge of my seat. I was wide open in front of him, cold air wafting over my swollen flesh. ‘Stay,’ he ordered before returning to his desk.

Breathing hard, I stared at the ceiling and tried to ignore what was on display for him and what he was getting from that drawer. Whatever it was, he hid it in his hand when he returned.

‘Your body and mind are at war, baby girl.’ He parted my slick folds with his thumb. ‘Your pussy is weeping for me.’ His other hand flattened against my chest. ‘But your heart is racing for another reason.’

My thighs shook with a need to cover up his view.

It took everything I had to remain still as he dipped his thumb inside me and spread my arousal.

He held eye contact as his thumb just grazed my clit, a knowing smile tipping his lips when I moaned softly.

I squirmed in my seat, half the cells in my body begging for more, the other half wanting to cover up.

He watched me as he rolled his thumb over my clit, his hardened gaze seeking every secret I didn’t dare utter.

‘You’re frightened. Ashamed. Of what?’

‘I’m not—’ I yelped in surprise when he smacked my pussy. Not hard enough to hurt, but a firm warning. The oddest thing was that it helped. His punishment calmed the suffocating panic in my head. Grounded me.

‘Don’t lie to me. Tell me the truth about why you have such an issue with pornography that you failed your assignment.’

‘I didn’t fail! I watched…’ I eyed the small pink vibrator in his hand. ‘What’s that?’

He chuckled. ‘Is that a serious question?’

Obviously, I knew what it was. I still stared as if I’d never seen one before.

‘You can tell me the truth now, or I can get it out of you with this.’ He switched it on. ‘Your choice, Ophelia.’

My gaze flitted. ‘How would that work?’

‘You’ll see.’ He brought the toy to my clit. I jolted. ‘There it is. The reaction you deny.’

‘It startled me… that’s all.’

‘Little liar.’ He swirled it around my clit before expanding the small circles.

Unwittingly, I closed my eyes and rocked against it.

‘Once you feel pleasure, you calm down.’ He dipped it in and out of me with shallow thrusts.

‘You lean into it, but there’s still too much tension in your body. Relax.’

I tried. I kept my eyes closed and focused only on the vibrations. He worked his way around my pussy, teasing everywhere except where I wanted it the most. When a humming sound started deep in my chest, he finally brought it to my clit, and I threw my head back with a sharp moan.

‘Good girl.’

My moans deepened as he took me to the edge, then a sharp gasp rolled over my lips when he withdrew the vibrator just before I tumbled over. ‘No,’ I groaned.

He leaned in and ran his tongue from my entrance to my clit, one long lick that stiffened my whole body in anticipation. But then he sat back again. ‘Tell me the truth, and I’ll let you come.’

‘I already have.’

His eyes narrowed. ‘You spread yourself out on a table in the library for me. Let me watch as you played with your pussy. You let Lewis Carter watch as I fucked you against the window. But you want to keep this from me?’

A chill ran through me. ‘You ordered me to do those things.’

‘And you chose to obey.’ He held the toy to my clit again, sending more delicious vibrations through me. My nails dug into my skin as I tried to avoid falling victim to his games. ‘Yet you want to blame me for what you’ve done. Is it my fault your cunt is so wet you’re staining my chair?’

I closed my eyes, my face burning.

‘And there’s the shame you claim not to have.’ He switched off the vibrator. ‘Explain it to me.’

I shook my head.

‘Ophelia, I need to know.’

‘There’s nothing to know.’

He rose and put the vibrator in my hand. ‘Your next assignment is to go clubbing.’

‘Huh?’

He pulled out his phone and swiped across the screen. The small vibrator responded with a low buzz. ‘New Year’s Eve. You’ll wear that the whole time. I’ll be nearby, controlling it.’

‘What?’ I squeaked, horrified at what he was suggesting. ‘You want me to wear this in public?’

‘Yes.’

‘But—’

‘No one will know you’re wearing it unless you want them to. If you behave well, I may spank you while it’s in you.’ He met my wide-eyed stare and smiled weakly. ‘I’ll see you then.’

‘Wait. You’re not going to…’ I pushed upright.

‘You failed your assignment, Ophelia. You’re withholding information from me. I want you to go home and think about the damage I could unwittingly cause you.’

But I couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand.

He gripped my chin. ‘And I wouldn’t use a ruler if I were to spank you. I prefer to be more tactile. I want to feel every strike. Your jolt at the first impact. Your tremors as the endorphins kick in. The tightening of your muscles as you orgasm.’

I stared, unblinking. Unthinking. I’d always loved his voice. Its deep tones often guided me to new academic accomplishments and profound personal realisations, but now I ached – fucking ached – with a need to hear him groan ‘you’re taking it so well, Ophelia’ as he delivered the promised spanking.

His lips curled into a knowing smile. ‘An instrument would deny me the pleasure of giving you pain. Do you understand?’

I nodded, still mute.

‘Do you understand that everything I do and say is to enhance your pleasure? How important it is for me to understand what’s causing you this shame?’

I lowered my gaze. ‘I do.’

‘But you don’t want to tell me.’

‘No.’

‘Okay. I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve.’ He sat behind his desk and picked up a paper, dismissing me.

My mind was blank as I rose on trembling legs and flattened my skirt. I hoped it was a trick, but he uncapped his pen, eyes glued to the paper. The disappointment ripping through me was as bewildering as my acceptance of this experiment.

Chemicals, I reminded myself as I walked to the door, cradling the vibrator in my sweaty palm. They were the reason I’d started this journey with him. But he was the reason I stopped with my hand on the door handle and closed my eyes.

‘I wasn’t loud enough for him.’

His chair creaked. Dr Braithwaite’s footsteps came halfway across the room, then stopped when I raised my hand.

‘I wasn’t loud like the women he watched online. I didn’t look like them… down there. I didn’t respond like—’ A sudden burst of emotions broke my voice.

‘Ophelia.’ He closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me. ‘I’m sorry you were mistreated like that.’

‘It’s silly.’

‘It’s not.’ Lips pressed against my hair, he whispered, ‘And he was wrong. You’re stunning. A truly beautiful woman. I love the sounds you make. I love how you taste and look. I could spend hours with you naked in my bed.’

But he wouldn’t. This was an experiment – a game he had played with countless other women. Seconds crawled by while I searched for a clue in his past actions to prove me wrong, but there was nothing to find. He was my lecturer. My supervisor.

Not my lover.

He kissed the top of my head. ‘Come. Let’s talk about it.’

‘There’s nothing to talk about. You wanted an answer. Now you have it.’ I inched out of his arms and opened the door. ‘I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve.’

‘Ophelia.’ He came after me down the hallway.

I increased speed, but with his long legs, he caught me before I could reach the stairwell.

‘Thank you for telling me and trusting me with your vulnerability.’ He kissed the corner of my mouth, the closest I’d come to earning that reward. ‘I’ll see you soon.’