Page 33 of Swordheart #1

“I think I’ve got a pot of glue,” volunteered Halla.

“You’ve got a rather large sword for a woman,” said Scar, looking over at her.

“Yes, but I’m told it’s not the size of the sword that matters,” said Halla. She frowned. “Although my husband used to say that, and do you know, he never told me what it meant?”

Red blinked once. Sarkis put his hand over his mouth.

“Anyway, it’s really more long than it is heavy. It’s actually quite light. I can handle it quite well, except that it’s a bit too long. My husband should probably have said that the size of the sword doesn’t matter unless it’s too long to handle, but—”

Scar’s face flushed. Sarkis suspected that he thought Halla was making fun of him. Sarkis himself wasn’t entirely sure. Surely even Halla couldn’t be that na ? ve… could she?

Nobody kills stupid women, they just kick us out of the way …

As a system, he didn’t have to like it, but it had obviously worked for her in the past. But these days she had a servant of the sword, and if someone tried to kick her out of the way, Sarkis was going to take their leg off at the knee.

“ Why do you carry a sword?” grated Scar.

Halla blinked at him, her eyes round. “Um, for the same reason you do, right? So people leave me alone because they think, ‘Oh, she’s got a sword, she must be dangerous.’”

“I protect the innocent and punish the guilty,” growled Scar.

“Oh,” said Halla. “I guess not the same reason, then. I mean, I like to think I’d protect the innocent, too.

It hasn’t really come up. But I don’t punish the guilty.

Not that I wouldn’t, if I found one! I would punish them like you wouldn’t believe!

But I don’t know how to find guilty people.

I guess they don’t just walk up and say, ‘Hi, I’m guilty, punish me! ’ do they?”

Red and Scar stared at her. Scar looked as if he was becoming angry. Red looked as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“We are escorting Mistress Halla to her home,” said Zale, massaging their temples. “There is a legal issue with her inheritance and she has engaged the Rat’s services. There is absolutely nothing of interest to the Motherhood in our mission, our wagon, or our possession.”

“Then you’ll not mind if we take a look,” said Scar. Sarkis was probably imagining the note of relief in the man’s voice, as if they had returned to a script that he understood.

“Yes, of course I’d mind!” snapped Zale. “You have no right and no call to do so! I’m a priest of the Rat on Temple business!”

“And we are priests of the Mother, on Temple business,” said Red smoothly. “Surely you do not wish to interfere with ours… just as we have no desire to interfere with yours…”

Zale folded their arms. “Your business ends where the Rat’s begins.

You know as well as I do that your Temple must seek permission from mine before you conduct any kind of business that may infringe upon the Rat’s.

That law has been standing since before your goddess had two stones atop each other to call a shrine. ”

Halla, clearly worried, put a hand on Zale’s sleeve. “Now, Zale… the Mother is everyone’s mother…”

Red and Scar made the ritual gesture.

“And the Rat is everyone’s lawyer!” snapped Zale. “Which is why I know that the law is on my side. Now, if you two gentlemen would cease crowding my ox…”

Brindle grunted agreement.

“You talk like a guilty man, priest,” said Red.

“And you talk like a petty tyrant,” Zale shot back.

There was a moment when the whole situation balanced on a knife edge. Sarkis waited to grab his sword and throw himself at Scar’s throat. He just hoped that he could take them both out before any of the others got hurt.

Zale’s probably got a trick up their sleeve, if I’m any judge. No idea about the gnole … Halla, of course, is Halla …

Halla chose that moment to defuse the situation by bursting into tears.

“Rat’s balls,” muttered Zale, putting their arm around Halla.

“I don’t… understand… why they’re being so mean… We’re just traveling… We didn’t do anything and I was told… sniff… the Mother loved her children… and we’re all her children…”

Red and Scar made the ritual gesture, looking deeply disgusted.

“… and… and… I just want to go home …”

Sarkis didn’t have to fake the glare he turned on the Motherhood men. Halla buried her face in Zale’s slender shoulder.

“Well, now you’ve done it,” said Zale. “My client just lost her beloved uncle and mentor and she’s had to make a long trip to make sure his last wishes were honored, and now you’ve upset her. I hope you’re happy.”

Red groaned and reined his horse in. “Go with the Mother,” he muttered. Sarkis suspected that he didn’t mean it.

Halla continued sobbing for several minutes, then said, quietly, “Are they gone?”

“Yes, and out of sight.” Zale released her.

“Whew. I wasn’t going to be able to keep that up for too long.” She sat up.

“Masterfully done,” said the priest.

“Eh, men like that usually panic when a woman cries.” She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve.

“Good job, fish-lady,” said Brindle.

“Thank y—wait. Fish-lady?”

The gnole glanced at her. “ Hala is being a fish. You know?”

“I don’t.”

Brindle set down the goad and gestured with both hands. “Long. Lives in rivers. Big teeth. Eats the other fish.”

“A pike?”

“Don’t know pike. A gnole calls it hala. ”

“Fish-lady,” muttered Halla. “Well, it was just my luck.”

Zale grinned broadly.

“Halla?” said Sarkis.

“Yes?”

“Do you really not know why people say, ‘It’s not the size of the sword that matters’?”

A flush began to creep up Halla’s neck. “Of course I know! I’m not a—I’ve—I’m a widow, not a virgin!”

“But a respectable widow,” said Sarkis mildly.

She elbowed him in the ribs. The flush reached her ears.

“It’s fine,” he said, trying to hide a grin. “I just didn’t know if you needed it explained.”

“What a fascinating explanation that might be…” said Zale. “Please, feel free to do so.”

“Oh… well…”

Halla was still bright pink, but her expression changed from horror to sly amusement. “Yes, Sarkis, why don’t you explain? After all, they might mean something different by it in the Weeping Lands…”

He held up both hands. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

“No, no,” Zale said. “Priests must always pursue knowledge.”

“And I of course have such limited firsthand knowledge,” said Halla. “I’ve only ever had the one sword.” She still blushed when she said it, but apparently she’d decided it was worth it to make him squirm.

Sarkis had led a mercenary company and was certainly not going to be out-euphemismed by a priest and a sheltered widow. “Well, I do have quite a large sword,” he admitted.

Zale dropped their eyes to the blade at his waist and said, “Eh, I’ve seen bigger.”

Sarkis reeled back on the seat. “Ouch. That was cold, priest.”

“A gnole thinks humans have lost their damn minds,” muttered Brindle.

Sarkis was grateful for the reprieve. “Your people aren’t worried about the size of their… ah… swords?” He wasn’t sure if the gnole understood the euphemisms or not.

Brindle gave him a sidelong look. “A gnole’s ox is bigger than a human’s sword.”

The three humans sat blinking at each other.

“Was that…”

“Did he just…”

“Look, do you want be the one to try and figure out if he means…”

Brindle said nothing, driving the ox forward with a small, entirely satisfied smile.