Page 50

When I pushed out of bed, the sun shone bright in the room. The baby rested heavily on my bladder, and despite the bed’s comfort and warmth, I quickly made my way to the bathroom, took care of business, and then jumped into the shower.

As I stood under the hot spray, savoring the water beading against my skin, I realized I still wasn’t sick to my stomach.

I’d become so accustomed to feeling bad, a day or two of feeling good hadn’t been enough for me to fully trust I’d turned a corner.

The fact I might really be rejoining the ranks of the living had me feeling hopeful.

Opening my eyes, I smoothed my hand over my stomach.

It seemed as quickly as the nausea had come, it had left. Score one for the home team.

Feeling freshened and hungry, I toweled off and dressed in my maternity fat pants and a larger-size bakery T-shirt. A side profile in the mirror had me wincing. I wouldn’t be making the best-dressed list anywhere today.

In the kitchen I found a pot of coffee gurgling, and it smelled surprisingly good. I poured a cup as Rachel pushed through the doors.

“Morning,” she said. Her face glowed with a pink hue, and her smile looked bright and natural.

“You look chipper.” I pulled out the flour, sugar, and maple syrup and lined them up on the counter.

“The girls and I are headed to the park. It’s an all-girl day of fun. Want to join us?”

“No, you enjoy your girls all by yourself. You three deserve a fun day.”

She beamed. “I can’t wait.”

I poured a cup for her, and I sweetened it with sugar and milk.

When I’d lived in Washington, I’d given up sugar and milk in my coffee in favor of counting calories, but seeing I was officially in fat pants, I decided to treat myself with milk and sugar.

The coffee was smooth, and after weeks of not being able to stomach it, it tasted good.

“What are you going to do today, and please don’t say work,” she said. “Baking?”

“Jenna’s maple cookies.”

“Why?”

“I’m taking them as a treat.”

“I’ve several dozen wrapped up in a bin from yesterday.”

“I know. I wanted to bake these.”

“Why do you need the cookies?”

“Joey gave me the letters Jenna had written to Walter.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Letters?”

“Love letters.”

“Have you read them?”

“Only the last.”

She smiled. “You always did like knowing the ending.”

I went to the refrigerator and loaded up on butter. “What can I say?”

She picked up her cup, cradled it close, and then took a sip. “So, give me the punch line.”

“She told Walter about the baby and said she was going to stay with her sister until the baby was born.”

“And do we have sister’s name?”

“We do. Kate Davis of Winchester. I searched her on the internet. I found a Kate Davis Simmons of Winchester. She has a son named Walt. The reference is two years old.”

Rachel’s brows rose. “If this Walt is Walter’s son, then he’d be about sixty-five now.”

“I know.”

“That’s assuming they’re still alive.”

“I’ve thought about that.” But would Jenna have gone to the trouble if he were gone? “I need to try.”

A knock at the front door startled me. With a shrug I moved through the saloon doors and glanced toward the front door. It was Gordon. He wore jeans, a dark shirt skimming his flat belly, and his blond hair brushed back and still damp from a shower. He looked so fine I could have melted.

I was very aware of my fat pants and oversize T-shirt and how my hair was pulled back tight, and the sight of him tugged at the locks around my heart as caged feelings struggled to break free. I unlocked the door. “Gordon.”

He slid a hand into his pocket. He met my gaze, and for the first time since we’d talked about the baby, I saw no hint of anger. “Daisy.”

I wondered if we could hold the armistice or if we’d end up fighting within minutes. Rachel pushed through the saloon doors and stood inches behind me. “Hey, Gordon.”

Gordon shifted his attention from me to Rachel and grinned. “How’s it going, Rachel? Did the grand reopening go well?”

“Went great. The new kids Daisy hired saved the day.”

His grin was warm. “She’s always had a knack for finding talent.”

Rachel nodded. “I’d say so.”

“Rachel,” I said. “You and the girls have an outing today.”

She laid her steady hands on my shoulders. “It’s no rush.”

I appreciated her acting as my wingman, but Gordon was my issue.

I patted her hand. “It is. Go and have fun.”

“Sure?” Rachel straightened in her mama-bear mode.

“Yes. Very sure.”

Gordon smiled at Rachel as if to assure her he’d behave. “I just want a word with Daisy.”

Her hands slid from my shoulders, but she hovered close. “Everybody be nice.”

I smiled. “I’ll do the best I can.”

Gordon shrugged as if to say trouble wouldn’t start on his end. “Fine. But I’ll be close.”

After Rachel vanished upstairs, I tried to pretend the air didn’t snap and crackle between us. “Why don’t you come through the kitchen?”

“Great.” He followed me to the new kitchen, taking a moment to survey the newly relocated and designed layout. “You’ve been busy.”

“It’s been a crazy two weeks. But we made it. Even installed the wine cellar in the basement.”

“I’d heard you’d bought out Gus’s wines.”

Alexandria was a big small town. “Seemed a good way to grow the business.” I shoved open the back door to the alley, knowing out there we’d have real privacy. I waited until Gordon followed before letting the door close.

The day’s growing heat warmed the sudden chill in my bones.

Not sure what to do, I folded my arms and then unfolded them, thinking I should look casual and not tense.

I was tense, but it didn’t hurt to hide it or the fact I had no idea what to say to Gordon.

None. I’d apologized. Explained my position.

And still my stomach fluttered as if I weren’t much older than a teenager.

His gaze darted over my body, taking in my growing belly, which could no longer be hidden. “I bet you haven’t eaten.”

“I did manage coffee this morning. A milestone. No morning, or rather all-day, sickness for me right now.”

His face tensed a little, but he seemed to recover. “Good. That’s good. So, you and the baby are doing well?”

The baby. Not our baby . One day, I supposed, it wouldn’t be awkward when we talked about this child. “We’re hanging tough. Little McCrae is as hardy as her old lady.”

An awkward silence settled between us. We were both trying to be adult and mature.

We were trying. But it still felt so weird between us.

To fill the silence, I said, “I emailed Terry, and she did get back to me. She said she had morning sickness midway through her pregnancy not with me but with her last boy. Stands to reason, I guess. She would have been about my age when her last child was born.”

His gaze bore into me. “She got back to you. That’s good.”

“Yeah, not a gushing motherly note, but I’ve the sense she was trying to help. And I appreciated that.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Good. I know you’ve wanted a connection with her.”

“I thought I was fine without it, but her email really meant a lot. I’ve read it. She’s not Mom, but she’s my birth mother, and we should be friends, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.”

More silence. The elephant in the alley lumbered around us, and finally, I drew in a ragged breath. “I also emailed Roger. Haven’t heard back yet.”

Gordon’s lips flattened into a grim line. “That guy is an ass.”

“I know . But there’s no changing the past, no matter how much I want to. I really wish I could, but I can’t. I wished with all my heart that this baby was yours. But it’s not.”

He glanced down at his feet. “I’m sorry.”

I cocked my head. “For what? You haven’t done anything wrong, Gordon. You’re a saint for putting up with me for this long. I get that I’m not easy.”

The lines in his forehead furrowed deeper. “I’ve not been very helpful. All the changes you made to the bakery, being sick and the news of the baby, you really didn’t need me heaping onto the pile.”

“I’m a tough bird, Gordon. And I get that I hurt you. I know if I could turn back the clock I would.” I reached out and took his hand, wondering if he’d flinch and pull away. When he didn’t, I rubbed my calloused fingers against his. “It’s okay. I can do this alone. I’ll figure it out.”

He tightened his fingers around mine. “That’s what’s digging at me, Daisy. I hate the idea of you having to do it all alone.”

“I’m not the first woman to raise a baby alone, and I won’t be the last. It’s okay.” And I meant it. I loved Gordon enough not to saddle him with guilt because he couldn’t accept my mistake.

He tipped his head back as if weighing words that he might later regret. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” I cleared my throat. “None of this changes my feelings for you. I do love you, Gordon. I do.”

He met my gaze. “I love you too. You drive me crazy, but I love you.”

The words sounded so sweet. Stepping away from the loneliness that had dogged me, I tilted my head and kissed him gently on the lips. He tasted so good, and it took all my energy not to lean into the kiss.

But he closed his eyes, and he leaned into me. He rubbed my palm with his thumb. Shots of desire tingled in me.

Sexual desire was a welcome feeling. Couple that with the love I had for Gordon, and this could be very beautiful and explosive. But as much as I dearly wanted to give in. I resisted. It wasn’t about me anymore.

With a great effort I pulled back. “It’s not the two of us anymore, Gordon. There’s the kid, and we’re officially a package deal.”

He didn’t pull back as he met my gaze. His voice sounded rough when he spoke. “I know. And I’m still struggling. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This is one of those problems that doesn’t have an easy fix.”

He raised his hand as if to touch me and then hesitated. “How about we spend the day together? If you can break away from this place.”

Smiling, I nodded. “I’d like that. But I need to visit this person in Winchester.”

“Winchester? Is he a supplier?”