Page 11

CHAPTER 11

Rosa

W hy did I think Vinny would change? Why did I think a man as hard to read, and a kidnapper at that, would magically change in two days? After we made love again, I thought I’d finally start to feel secure. There’s still no way I can tell Vinny about being pregnant, but somewhere inside, I wondered if there could be a silver lining that I could save him too, we could be a normal family. I suppose I’m still that delusional girl who thought her parents would change. After six interventions and thousands of dollars spent on rehab, they’re still the same addicts who choose money and addiction over their kid.

I have always felt a deep understanding between Vinny and myself, a connection that I can never quite find with my own parents.

Vinny is no different. Except his loyalty is to his father. I can’t understand why either. From what I’ve heard about him, he wasn't a champion parent. He abandoned Vinny more times than he would like to admit, and constantly threatens him with death and murder. I guess I also don’t like the man who called for the order of my kidnapping. However, I learned today that it's not just Vinny’s father I should question. It’s Vinny, too.

Nick is suspicious. He keeps an eye on me at all times and I don’t think it's because of my safety. Since the last two days felt romantic, I wanted to make Vinny breakfast in bed. Just as I flip the second pancake, Nick corners me.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Do you not see the pancakes in the skillet?” I answer sarcastically. “I want to surprise Vinny.”

“It’s Tuesday,” Nick says with a blank stare. I glare at him, waiting for the punchline.

“Is there some rule about not having pancakes on Tuesdays?” I ask with a laugh. Nick’s eyes get even more intense before he laughs. The light never reaches his eyes. I notice dark rings under his eyes. It’s like he hasn’t slept in days.

“There are bigger things on his mind,” Nick says. “So, lay low.”

I drop the spatula, letting the pancake burn. “What the hell is going on now? One day you’re telling me to not give up on Vinny, and now you’re telling me to give him space!” The hot and cold advice is making me become more suspicious. There are lots of closed-door discussions with you two.

Nick sighs heavily and steps away. “I don’t know why I thought I could help.”

“Help with what? Being a matchmaker? Because you’re horrible at it,” I snap. “What is going on, Nick?”

Nick’s eyes shift between me and the clock behind my head. He squeezes his eyes shut and starts to pace back and forth, mumbling inaudibly to himself.

“Nick, what the hell is going on?” I ask, now becoming more alarmed by the second. His eyes are watery as he looks at me. The look is odd. It’s like he has something heavy to say or — dare I say — that he cares about me.

“I’m so sorry, Rosa,” he whispers before running out of the side door. I hear his truck rev up and speed down the driveway. Smoke fills the kitchen and I swiftly take the pancakes off the stove. I have a sour taste in my mouth. Something bad is about to happen.

A few hours later, a tired-looking Vinny strolls into the kitchen. I fear he smells the burned pancakes from earlier and I start to hide them when he takes me into his arms, kissing me. His aftershave stings my nostrils and his grip is harder than normal.

“Are you in a rush for something?” I ask as I wiggle free.

Vinny is breathing hard, his eyes taking me in like I’m a glass of iced water he’s seeing in the wilderness. “I just want to be close to you,” he responds. My heart melts. It shouldn’t, but it does. Vinny has a way of doing that to me.

“Do you really want me that bad?” I ask. My hair is greasy and I’m wearing a boxy T-shirt. That doesn’t stop Vinny from looking weak in the knees.

“I want you right now,” he says.

“What about, Nick?” I ask.

“Gone,” Vinny whispers as he moves closer and pulls my T-shirt up. He grins as he’s met with no underwear. I lean back onto the counter and spread my legs. Vinny hungrily gets to work and the pleasure is immediate. I didn’t realize how much I needed his warm tongue in between my legs. Vinny is a God at flicking his tongue quickly with the right amount of pressure too.

“Finger me,” I whisper. Vinny follows my instructions and inserts two fingers inside me. I hold onto the counter as the double amount of ecstasy makes my legs wobbly. I cry out and he keeps going, increasing his speed. He can already tell I’m a few seconds away from climaxing. The strange conversation leaves my mind as my body explodes with orgasmic power. Sweat drips down my back and Vinny rises from his position, taking me into his arms. Not another word is spoken as we head to the bedroom. I expect him to take me from behind but instead, he keeps me on his chest, holding me and kissing the top of my head.

“I wish we could stay like this,” Vinny mutters.

I take his hand and kiss it. “We can. We can do whatever we want,” I remind him. Vinny is quiet and I feel his heartbeat quicken. The uncomfortable feeling returns to my chest. It’s heavy and replaces the airy feeling from Vinny’s immaculate pleasuring with an unwelcome weight.

It’s not right again and it scares me. I let the fear weigh me down until I’m too exhausted to think anymore.

I wake up to Vinny standing over me. It nearly knocks the wind out of me. He has a wild look in his eyes; like he’s been crying non-stop. But the look is also dead. He’s not himself. Or maybe he is himself and I’m only just realizing it.

“Vinny? What the hell?” I say as I sit up in bed. It’s still dark outside, and judging by the exhaustion I feel, it’s the early hours of Wednesday.

Vinny parts his lips to speak, but nothing comes out. I feel cold prickles all over my body. The room is still dark but the outdoor lights highlight something in his hands. I told myself I’d be brave when the time came. I promised myself I’d be happy to go. What did this life give me? Awful parents, snatched dreams, loads of trauma that’ll never be cured in this lifetime. I should be thankful to go. However, it’s not just me. I almost forget I’m pregnant until the morning sickness and body aches come. I’ve managed all this time to go unnoticed.

It’s almost like the baby comes alive inside of me, begging me to fight for them. Tears well in my eyes. Not sad ones, but furious. I reach under my pillow for the knife I snagged yesterday when Nick started acting weird. I will fight.

“You disgust me,” I say through gritted teeth. “But I am not afraid of you.”

Vinny’s lips tremble and he buckles to his knees. His gun is in full view. He puts the safety back on and slides it behind him.

“I can’t do it! I can’t… I love you,” Vinny whimpers.

So, he really was going to kill me. He was going to kill me in my sleep. He was going to shamelessly shoot me like I was nothing.

I slide out of bed. Adrenaline is rushing through me. Despite there being a gun behind Vinny, I’m not afraid. I still have the knife in my hand and hold it to his throat.

“You are weak,” I say as tears fall down my face. “I hate you!”

“Do it,” Vinny whispers, as tears fall down his cheeks. I take the knife off his throat.

“No, it’s more punishment to live with yourself,” I say. I would leave him conscious since he’s a mess, but I don’t trust him. I grab the lamp closest to the door and knock Vinny out with one smooth hit. His body slumps to the floor. I don’t have much time.

The keys are tucked in Vinny’s back pocket. I grab them without hesitating and take off down the hallway. I still have my heart pajamas on. I jump in the truck and take off down the dark road. I have no time to understand why all the securities disappeared, or it is just my luck. I have no idea where I’m going, but if I want this baby to survive, I have to try.