Page 49

Jack

“Dad? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sit in the sand before. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Thinking.”

“You’ve been sitting out here for an hour.”

Sophia sits down beside me. She picks up a small stick and draws in the sand.

She’s probably been looking for Ava. Fuck.

I should’ve gone straight to Sophia this morning.

Talked with her. Given her the good news.

I’ve been so wrapped up in my shit that once again I am being a shit dad. Just in a new shitty way.

“Ava left.”

“She texted me. Said goodbye and wanted me to know she would be there for me if I ever needed her.”

“Did she, now?” What happened to Sophia being mad about Ava? Arrow will need to block her number. And see if there’s any way to block emails too. All communications should be blocked. “Did she say anything else?”

“Nope.”

A child twenty feet away squeals in delight as the surf laps her calves. I remember those days.

“Dad?”

I return my attention to Sophia. “Yeah?”

“Did you send her away because I was angry about you dating her?”

“No.” I close my eyes, then open them and stare out across the ocean.

“Are you lying to me?”

“No.” I can’t bring myself to talk to Sophia. I want her to walk away. My thoughts are blocked, and there’s no way I will deal with this well right now.

“I don’t believe you.” She stands and moves in front of me, hands balled into tiny fists. The water laps her ankles, over her shoes. She yells, “Liar!”

“You will not speak to me like that, young lady.” I am practically growling.

She glares right back at me, and I should stand military style and tower over her, but the energy to do so is absent.

“Or what?” She stomps her left foot and leans forward. “You gonna take away my phone? Cut back on my TV time?”

Jesus, she is really pushing it. My palm plants on the sand and I push up, rising to my full height. She’s done it now.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Oh. Yes. I. Can.” Anger vibrates through my core. I don’t trust myself to touch her, so my hands remain clenched at my waist.

“No. You. Can’t.” She shakes her head and stomps off like a petulant child.

Jesus fucking Christ . Why isn’t Cassie here to deal with this? I pace back and forth on the beach long after the click of the gate wafts through the wind. Fisher hovers near the edge of the property, presumably watching me.

“Watch Sophia,” I snarl.

He doesn’t hear, so I charge up the beach. I didn’t hire security for my safety. He backs away from the gate as I approach. He’d better back away. I won’t put a hand on my daughter, but I’d love nothing more than to throw a fist at someone.

My hand falls on the gate, and all that anger evaporates. A heart-wrenching sound carries through the air. I scan the back yard and crumble inside. Sophia sits bent over in a pool chair, arms wrapped around her knees, head down, bawling. Fuck me .

I join her on the chair. There’s a part of me that wants to pull her onto my lap, just like I used to do when she was little. But she’s no longer little. She’s not an adult either. She’s somewhere in between. But I’m going to lose her if I don’t figure out how to bridge the gap.

“Sophia. Sweetheart. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”

She sniffs and rubs her nose on her knee, then wipes her knee with her hand. Tears continue to freefall, and my insides detonate.

“I don’t know what to say. Or what to do. But I love you more than anything, and I want to figure it out. I’m so sorry your mom isn’t here. She’d know what to say.”

“Dad.” There’s so much exasperation in the way she draws out my name it’s borderline humorous.

“Sometimes saying something is the best you can do.” The skin below her eyes is puffy and tinged pink.

Her lips curl together like she’s going to cry again, and a few tears escape.

“Saying something is better than saying nothing.”

“I’m not great at communicating.” That’s something a couples counselor once told me.

“That’s probably true. But I still hear you. Most of the time.”

“You hear me, huh?”

She exhales, scoots next to me, and wipes her nose on the edge of my shirt.

Then she gives me a sheepish smile. “And I love you. When I was little, I kind of held you up to superhero status. You could do no wrong. But now I see you as, well, human. I don’t expect you to know what to say all the time. But I expect you to fucking speak.”

“Hey.” I scrunch my eyebrows and scowl. “Language.”

She smirks. “Dad, my perception of you has evolved. And for the better. Instead of the superhero, I see my dad. Someone who loves me more than anything.” Her voice cracks, and I wrap an arm around her, pulling her into my side.

“But your perception of me needs to evolve. I’m not a little girl. And I’m definitely not innocent.”

“You’ll always be my little girl.”

She pushes back, out of my hold, and stares at me. “No, Dad. I’m almost sixteen. You should be able to tell me when you’re dating someone. You don’t need to try to protect me from every little thing. It’s bad enough I can’t go on the beach without security following me.”

“I had no business dating Ava. She was here for you.”

“I don’t care about that. What I care about is you lying to me. Trying to protect me from what? Like I don’t get that you might date someone? I don’t need that kind of protection.”

I’m not certain I agree with her, and I stare down at my palms. God, I wish Cassie was here. “I wish I could be more for you.”

“Dad, I don’t need you to be more.” She lets out a sigh and twists on the lounge chair, crossing her legs, facing me. “I know it wasn’t easy when Mom died. But you stepped up. You’ve been there for me. I mean, yeah, you’re not perfect. But I’ve decided there are degrees of imperfection.”

“Oh, you have, have you?”

“Yeah.” She nods. “Mr. Killington?” My gut clenches at that bastard’s name coming out of her mouth.

“Unacceptable. He’s over here, in the really bad person area.

” She gestures far out to the right. “And then there’s you.

You can be moody and a little obsessed with work.

And you lied to me. You lied to Mom. You guys didn’t think I knew, but I did.

Those aren’t good things, but you’ve been there for me.

I think you’ve always done your best. And that’s acceptable, right?

” Those precious blue eyes look at me like this is such a simple thing.

“You always said that. If I do my best, you don’t care what grade I get. As long as I do my best.”

“I appreciate you letting me off the hook so easily, but there’s a difference between grades and parenting.”

She reaches out and squeezes my forearm. “I still love you.”

I scoop her up and pull her against me. She lays her head on my shoulder, and we sit there like that for a long time.

“For the record, I never cheated on your mother. I know she thought that, but she was mistaken.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“By the time I found out you knew about everything, your mother was dead. I didn’t want to blacken her image in any way. But there were other issues with our marriage.”

“Was that so hard to say?” She lifts her head and looks at me in a way that lightens the weight crushing down on me. I kiss the top of her head, and she rests her head back on my shoulder. “What happened with you and Ava? Am I the reason you ended things?”

“No.” She remains squeezed against me, but I shift and lift her chin so she looks at me. “No. I was telling you the truth. You are not the reason. But she and I are over.”

“Why?”

“Ironically enough,” I huff, “she lied to me.” Sophia lays her head back against me. Ava stirs raw painful emotions. I want her far away from us. But if Sophia forgives her, that might be hard to ensure. “How do you feel about her lying?” How much am I going to have to tell you ?

“I think that what you think… and feel… is most important.”

Damn, that’s a therapist's response if I’ve ever heard one. “Therapy really worked on you, huh?”

“What do you feel?” She nudges me. “Dad, you can tell me.”

What do I feel? So, my teenage daughter wants to play therapist. “I’m livid. Furious. We had… I’m angrier at Ava than I was when your mother told me she’d had an affair. Does that even make sense?” I risk a glance at my daughter.

My verbal vomit was more than I should’ve shared with my daughter. But she wants communication. “I blame myself for your mother’s affair. Too absorbed in work. Too many excuses that didn’t make sense. But this… it’s all on Ava.”

I’m so fucking furious at Ava. Way more than I was with Cassie. Maybe that’s because I was responsible for Cassie’s betrayal. And I did absolutely nothing to deserve Ava’s betrayal.

Greed brings out the worst in people, but I gave Ava so much money, she should have been immune to greed. Maybe it hurts more when someone hurts you and it’s not something you deserve.

I deserved Cassie’s betrayal. I did that to her and to us. But everything with Ava was fresh and new. Maybe we didn’t start off in the most orthodox manner, but I did nothing to deserve this bullshit. I let her near my daughter, and she betrayed me. Us.

“Dad, I know you loved Mom. You cared for her deeply. But maybe there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

” I side-eye my daughter. Is she assuming I wasn’t in love with her mother?

Because I absolutely was. I battled my family to be with Cassandra.

“I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never been in love. But it seems like that’s true.”

“You’re a teenager.”

She smiles up at me. “But Dad, you fell in love with Ava. I might be a teen, but even I could see it. Lauren saw it. Ava loves you, Dad. She knows all the bad things about you, and she still loves you.”

I exhale. Everything is so simple to Sophia. “I’m not sure you’re old enough for me to be having this conversation with.”

“You treat me like an adult, I behave like an adult. You treat me like a kid, I behave like a kid.”

“Did Ava teach you that?” In how many ways am I going to regret trusting my uncle and bringing his recommendation into our home?

“No. It was in one of Mom’s parenting books. It sat on the shelf near her computer.”

“And you read it?”

“I wanted to see where she came up with her punishments.”

“She punished you?”

“Not really. Time outs when I was little. She didn’t believe in saying no ‘just because.’ We discussed real-life consequences. She always wanted me to understand the why, so I could decide how to act based on the life consequences, not based on whether I’d get in trouble if caught.”

“She was a good mom, wasn’t she?”

“The best.”

I squeeze her tighter into my side. God, I love this kid. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

“Me too.”

“Sophia, Ava can’t be trusted. I don’t want to go into details, because some things are between adults.”

“Did she cheat on you?”

“No.” I had her locked in my house. It’s not like she had the chance. “But it’s important that you not speak to her. I need for you to trust me on this. Can you be okay with that? Can we put her behind us?”

Sophia’s lips purse. Those blue eyes, replicas of her mother’s, run all over my face. Probably taking in the fact that I haven’t shaved. My sunglasses hide what are no doubt bloodshot eyes.

“She hurt you, didn’t she?”

“Yes, she did.” The admission offsets the numbness, replaced by a sharp stab. She fucking crushed me. My uncle too, but I can’t say I’m shocked by Uncle Mark. He’s always put Sullivan Arms ahead of anything and everyone. I just hadn’t realized the man was morally bankrupt.

“Okay, Dad.” The weight of Sophia’s head against my shoulder soothes me.

I refuse to taint her view of Ava by laying the ugly truth out there.

Telling her that Ava took money from me in exchange for sex.

That she took some sort of payment from my uncle to spy on me.

Arrow is combing the financials now to sate my curiosity.

We may never find it. The payment could show up as a donation to Nueva Vida.

The fact of the matter is, we can’t trust Ava.

But I don’t want to ruin Sophia’s trust in humanity. She cared for Ava.

Somehow, we’ll get through this.