Page 18 of Summer Skate
CARTER
T HE HARDEST PART IS LETTING HER out of my car. Once I put the car in park, I say nothing, just place my hand out in front of her, palm up, and she holds it. My fingers weave into hers.
I say: “If you’re not going to give me this hand to take with me, then can I at least have your phone number?”
She pauses, stares out the window. “ Fine ,” she says, as if I’ve asked her a million times.
I plug it into my phone like I’ve never done this before, careful to get everything right.
Under name, I put Jess . Because we’re friends now. She can’t tell me that we’re not.
She gives me a hug, or what limited hug can be given across a center console, and when I breathe into her hair, I can’t believe I’m not kissing her.
She leaves and closes the door, and I still can’t believe I’m not kissing her.
I just sit there stunned, unable to move.
I watch her at her door, searching her bag for her keys.
I stare at her legs and the straps of her shoes and feel a wave of regret.
A minute later, she’s still searching for her keys. I get a rising sense of hope that she won’t be able to find them, so that I can extend this a little longer. What a predicament! Can I offer you some sex? But then she finds them, turns to wave, almost but not quite looking at me, and goes inside.
For the next few days, I am attached to my phone like an appendage. I am thinking about texting her with every thought that comes into my brain. But I don’t.
“She’s right there!” JT yells, pointing to her house. “Just go over there and fuck her.”
“I can’t,” I reply.
“You see. He wants her, but he can’t have her,” explains Harps, to an imaginary crowd.
“He’s being a pussy,” says JT. “That’s all this is.”
At some point it dawns on me that JT is right. I am being a pussy. I find her number and press Message . I think for a second about the wide variety of nonsense I could say, but it all feels beside the point. Fuck it. I’m going in.
Sat, Jul 20 at 2:57 PM
I was really hoping you wouldn’t find your keys
Honestly . . . me too
I miss you
Shouldn’t you be training?
Yes, I should but I can’t concentrate. You want to come over and watch me shoot pucks?
Get real
Sat, Jul 20 at 10:07 PM
Did you ever play any sports, besides beer pong?
Tennis. I was actually pretty good, nationally ranked. 75th in the country, when I was 16.
I guess that explains the hand-eye coordination. Did you play in a skirt?
Yes . . . but not a matching shirt. The girls with matching outfits were weak.
What type of underwear did you wear with your skirt?
I’m not telling you about my underwear!
If we played doubles together, could I pat you on the ass if you hit a good shot?
Maybe
Mon, Jul 22 at 9:24 AM
Who’s in the lead these days with that stupid game you guys are playing?
Harps and JT are tied at 24
And you?
You’re not telling me about your underwear? I’m not telling you about my points
Why?! I really want to know
No, you don’t
Ok fine I don’t. At least tell me if you’re winning or losing
Losing
Mon, Jul 22 at 3:58 PM
What are you doing?
Reading. I just read a sentence with the word ha in it, so I’m all burned up
Why?
Don’t say ha in literature!
Sure. Why not just go for the lol?
It’s deplorable
Tue, Jul 23 at 10:13 AM
People are serious about their farm stands here
Lol I know
Have you been to Amber Waves?
Yeah
What’s the big deal?
No idea. People like the hats, but I think they’re overdoing their allegiance. It’s not a lifestyle! It’s a farm stand
You are cute
Wed, Jul 24 at 12:38 PM
I bought your book in town today
Are you gonna read it?
What if I don’t like it?
Then we’ll never speak again
What?! Really?
I once cut a guy out who read something I’d written out of order
You’re crazy
Crazy like a writer
Thu, Jul 25 at 9:28 AM
Did you know that the oatmeal at The Golden Pear is $14?
Doesn’t surprise me.
Maybe it’s special
It can’t be special. Nothing at that place is special
You’re right. My dad used to make me “special toast”
What was so special about it?
It had butter, cinnamon, and sugar
Cinnamon toast! A classic. My mom used to make me toast, and it was either white or black. There was no in between
Child abuse
Thu, Jul 25 at 9:20 PM
I’m watching Dirty Dancing. I watch it once every summer and you know what? It never fails me
Are you thinking about me?
No, I’m texting you for some other reason
Sat, Jul 27 at 10:39 PM
How’s the writing going?
Pouring out of me now. Go figure
Can I be your muse?
Yeah, but it’s a lot of work
Sat, Jul 27 at 11:47 PM
Are all hockey players like you?
No. I’m a misfit
I feel like a misfit but with writing
Why? You’re a successful writer
Yeah, now. But before, there were 99 rejection letters, and they all said the same thing: I don’t fit into a category. I’m not heavy enough to be literary and not light enough to be commercial. “We don’t know what shelf she would go on in the bookstore”
That’s infuriating. Pussies
But why fit into a category? What’s the point? I’d rather fail doing it my way than succeed doing it just like everybody else.
I understand. If I were just a great offensive player, things would be a lot easier for me. But I play hard and mean and do whatever it takes to win.
You gotta play the way you wanna play!
You gotta. And a good coach will never try to fit you into a category. They’ll just . . . well, in your case . . . build a new shelf?
Right. But not everyone thinks this way. Publishers want to take what has worked in the past and go down that same road again.
Want me to burn down their houses?
Would you?
Mon, Jul 29 at 10:20 PM
Look out your window
Why?
Trust me
Holy shit. Are we being attacked?
By what? Stars?
Why are there so many of them though?! Maybe those are airplanes?! They look ominous, all spread out and blinking???
They can’t be airplanes. They aren’t moving
One is
Okay maybe one is an airplane
It looks a little crazy, but beautiful
I just wanted you to see it
I never stop to look at the stars
That’s because you’re a savage
Tue, Jul 30 at 12:24 AM
Are you still up? Just got home
I actually am. Writing. Can’t stop. I keep imagining my Pulitzer acceptance speech, in case you have mistaken me for a sane person
I think to be really good at something, you have to have delusions of grandeur.
Of course. Those are the dreamers. Those are the ones that win, that don’t stop.
I need an enemy to perform. Even if I’ve conjured the whole scenario in my head
I used to sabotage myself as motivation, like if there was a lull in the season and I needed to pick myself up, I would do something that I wasn’t supposed to do so that I would go out and play harder.
I dislike a lull
Tue, Jul 30 at 10:02 PM
Tell me something nobody else knows
I was once locked in a locker room from 1 AM until 9 AM.
Seriously?
We were out at a bar in a rival town thirty miles away, the night before a game.
Our coach got a call that we were there and he was pissed, pulled us out of the bar, drove us to the arena, brought us into the locker room as if we were going to have a meeting, and then locked us in.
By 3 AM, it was probably minus twelve degrees in the locker room and we thought we were going to freeze to death.
That’s terrifying.
You get used to the pain.
I went to a tennis training camp in Florida in August, and I got heat stroke and had heat rashes on the backs of my legs, so they taped ice packs to my legs.
I played for a week in 95-degree heat with heat stroke and heat rashes on half my body and ice packs taped to my legs.
But by the end of the week, I was fine. I felt like such a warrior.
It was a good lesson that everything becomes less painful over time.
Tue, Jul 30 at 11:15 PM
Carter.
What?
Nothing
Tell me
It’s nothing forget it
Tell me
It’s nothing!
It isn’t
I’m just really into you
That’s nothing?
Yes! Forget I said anything!
PLEASE let me fuck you
No. I’m going to sleep. Gnight.
Thu, Aug 1 at 9:48 AM
We’re going to the batting cages in Yaphank. Only 45 minutes away
Impressive. I’ve got a real cereal / TV situation going on here
What kind of cereal do you like?
How much time do you have?
Thu, Aug 1 at 8:38 PM
I just want to know what you’re wearing right now
Hahahahaha get real buddy
UGHHHH
Scream into a pillow or something
I just did. Didn’t help
Can I get a visual? Seriously I’m about to break out Harps’s telescope and then there’s no telling what will happen
How far does that telescope reach? I’m in the city right now
You are?
Yup. This is NYC Jessica. Do I sound different? Edgier? More urban?
Kind of. Text me when you’re back
I will.
Sun, Aug 4 at 10:42 AM
I had a dream about you last night. I was so disappointed when I woke up
I hate that feeling
I don’t know. It felt pretty amazing. Before that
Jessica
What?
I really want to fuck you
Mon, Aug 5 at 2:47 PM
What are you doing tonight?
I’m meeting my agent at this event, Authors Night. It’s “the premiere literary event of the Hamptons” which is funny because the Hamptons has no other literary events
What happens there?
Well, it’s a field with a tent and a bunch of books under it and people pay $150 to chat with authors and get their books signed. There’s a dinner afterwards.
Can I come?
Absolutely not.