Page 23 of Summer on the Ranch (Royally Wed #1)

‘‘I thought so.’’ Alex brushed the mare’s coat with long, slow, steady strokes. She was trying to get the animal used to her presence, her voice and her touch. ‘‘When we’re done in here, I’m going to take you out and exercise you on a lead.’’

She reached up and brushed Princess’s neck. ‘‘She told me it’s time for me to put aside my responsibilities and have a little fun. The thing is, I’m not sure I remember how. I’ve been so responsible for so long. What if that’s all I know?’’

Princess looked at her as if urging her to continue with her story.

‘‘I’m the oldest of four daughters,’’ Alex said.

‘‘I was always expected to be the most mature, to do the right thing and set an example for my sisters. Even when I wanted to play with them, or with my friends, I often had duties and responsibilities. It wasn’t that easy for me to be like other children. If my sisters didn’t want to go to a function, they often were allowed to refuse.

But I had to be there. As I grew older, there were more functions and more responsibilities.

Not that I minded. I always felt it was my place to serve. ’’

She walked around the front of the horse and began brushing the other side.

‘‘Somehow I’ve come to believe I have to earn my place in the world. I know that probably sounds silly, but it’s true.

Even with all the family wealth and privilege, I worry about not being enough, or doing enough.

It was as if I’d been given so much that I had to prove I was worthy of keeping it.

So many times I’ve admired my sisters and wished I could be more like them.

Katherine is so calm and relaxed. Nothing ruffles her.

She never has any self-doubts. Elizabeth has a zest for life that inspires me, even as I envy her.

And Serena, well, she can be a force of nature.

She is impulsive and while she frustrates me, in my heart I wish I could be more like her. ’’

She pressed her hands against the mare’s side. ‘‘I’ve always been so dependable and boring. I’ve never dared to do what I wanted with my life.’’

‘‘What do you want?’’

She jumped at the sound of the male voice, then spun on her heel. Mitch leaned against the half door of the stall. He rested his elbows on the flat top and turned his hat in his outstretched hands.

‘‘What do you want, Alex?’’

His gaze was steady and direct. She supposed she should be embarrassed. After all, this was the first time they’d run into each other since parting the previous night. But she wasn’t nervous or ashamed or anything but pleased to see him.

‘‘I don’t know,’’ she admitted. ‘‘I’m torn between duty and fun.’’

‘‘Is this fun?’’ he asked, motioning to the ranch.

‘‘Yes, as are you.’’

‘‘Good. So why can’t you have both?’’

‘‘It’s not always that easy.’’ She stroked the mare’s neck. ‘‘I spoke with my mother this morning. To quote American television, she told me to get a life.’’

‘‘Sounds like good advice.’’

She wondered what he would say if she told him that her mother had also told her to have an affair with him.

‘‘I suppose it is. But I don’t know that I can have a life without duty.’’

‘‘You can. You’re just not sure you know how.’’

‘‘You’re right.’’ She squeezed the brush in her hand. ‘‘I think about James, about us finding him. What I don’t allow myself to think about very much is what will happen if we don’t find him. What will my future be?’’

‘‘Only you can answer that.’’ Mitch’s brown eyes darkened with compassion and something that might have been concern. ‘‘Although if you became queen, it would certainly change things.’’

Was he talking about her…or them?

‘‘How long are you going to wait to have your future decided by outside forces?’’ he asked. ‘‘When do you get a vote?’’

‘‘I’m not sure that I do.’’

‘‘But it’s your life.’’

She nodded. ‘‘This is where I start to get confused. At what point does my personal responsibility to myself end and my duty to my country begin?’’

‘‘Can’t you have both? Personal happiness and duty?’’

‘‘Perhaps.’’

But not with him, she thought, studying his hand-some face. He would never be happy away from the ranch, and knowing that, she would never ask him to leave.

Her train of thought should have terrified her. It implied a deep affection that she wasn’t sure she felt. At least, she didn’t think she was sure. If she’d never really been involved with a man before, how was she supposed to know what was real and what wasn’t?

Mitch turned his hat around in his hands. ‘‘Are you okay?’’

‘‘I’m fine.’’

He smiled. ‘‘No, Alex. I’m asking if you’re all right about last night.’’

‘‘Oh.’’ Heat instantly flared in her cheeks. She swallowed and forced herself to meet his gaze, even though all she wanted to do was bury her face in the mare’s sleek neck. ‘‘Yes, I, uh, am perfectly fine with all that happened.’’

‘‘Good.’’

His gaze slid away from hers, and she realized he was nervous, too. That made her feel a little better.

‘‘You know, I’ve done that sort of thing before,’’ he said. ‘‘Sex, I mean.’’

‘‘So I assumed.’’

‘‘Yeah, well, the point is, I know the difference between sex and something more.’’

What could be more? she wondered. ‘‘You’re talking about the act versus…’’

‘‘Feelings. Connection.’’ He cleared his throat. The hat in his hands spun faster. ‘‘I don’t have all the answers.’’

She hadn’t realized there had been questions.

Alex didn’t know whether to laugh or sit down and cry her eyes out.

For as long as she lived, she knew she would remember this moment: the scent of the straw and horses; Mitch’s nervous fingers betraying his tension; the way his dark hair fell over his forehead; and her own desire to go to him and be held.

‘‘I doubt anyone has all the answers,’’ she said.

‘‘Agreed.’’ He looked at her. ‘‘I don’t know what it was, but I know it was more. Which makes the whole thing scary, but in a good way.’’ He stopped spinning his hat.

‘‘I want you, but becoming lovers is going to complicate things a whole lot more than either of us realizes. Or maybe you know because you’ve done this sort of thing before.’’

He wanted her? In his bed? The thought was thrilling. Impossible, but thrilling.

Alex wondered if she should take this opportunity to clear up his misconception about her experience level. Then she decided that if Mitch knew she was a virgin, he would take off running for the very picturesque mountains behind the ranch, and she would never see him again.

‘‘It would change things,’’ she agreed.

‘‘That’s what I thought. So I figured the best thing would be for us to just back off. For a while at least. Until we figure out what we want.’’

Was he talking about life in general or them in particular? What did he want? What was he saying? That they might have a chance at a regular relationship? Did he care about her? She knew that he liked her, but was he talking about being more than friends?

Too many questions and absolutely no answers.

‘‘I’ll see you at dinner,’’ Mitch said, and turned to leave.

Princess Alexandra, who had been told she was imperious and bossy, couldn’t find the courage to stop him so she could ask him what he meant.

‘‘So much for the power of royalty,’’ she murmured to the mare when they were alone. ‘‘Apparently in the whole man-woman game, having a tiara doesn’t matter for spit.’’