Page 42 of Stronghold

Sky coughs, and I jump back on the couch.

How did we get so close?

"Um…yeah, so I have some ideas for recipes we can try." I open my notebook and unscrew the cap on the pen I just bought.

Sky puts his hand on my chin to make me face him.

"I really wanted…I mean, I could have just…Jud…" His voice is almost a whisper, and my brain is desperate to fill in the missing words.To kiss you…kissed you…

"Sky…"

"I know…I know…"

Why do I feel like we're having a conversation without saying anything at all? And how do I find out if what he's not saying is exactly what I’m thinking and not just what I want him to say?

Fuck my life and the stupid crush I have on Skyler West. This would be so much easier if he were straight. Why isn't he fucking straight like he was back in high school?

Because he was never straight.

"What?" he asks, and that's when I realize I must have mumbled my thoughts aloud.

"I need to go. My shift at the bar is starting soon. We should meet again soon to go over the details."

He stands up. "Okay. When's your next day off?"

"Tomorrow."

"Meet me at my parents' at ten."

"Okay."

I'm left staring at the blank page of my new notebook.

I really should spend less time around Sky,notmore, and definitely not in front of TV cameras.

"Okay, Jud. New plan. Practice looking unaffected by the sexy man with the big muscles and the killer smile."

"Good luck."

I look up, and Briar is working on a nearby display, putting some books back.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask.

"Good luck with your self-imposed plan." He's smiling like he's in on something I'm not.

"What do you mean?"

"You can try to look unaffected by someone, but unless youfeelunaffected, your plan won't work."

I suck in a breath and let it out slowly. "It has to work. He can't know."

"Why?"

"Because…because…I don't even know anymore. He hurt me a long time ago, but…"

"Do you still feel hurt?" Briar asks.

I shrug. "I don't know. When I think of that day, I do. I feel it so much, but then I look into his eyes, and I don't know."