Page 41 of Straight to You

LOGAN

I wake up to the warmth of Ryder cocooned around me. His steady breaths ghost over my chest, and his hand rests around my arm. I breathe him in and let the reality of this moment settle—that he’s here in my arms again.

Thinking back, I should’ve killed Kyle. That piece of shit doesn’t deserve to still be breathing, but I’m sleeping much better knowing he’s behind bars and I hope prison is worse than death.

We haven’t heard anything about his sentence yet, but I do know he survived the gunshot wound, which I have very mixed feelings about.

I don’t care if that makes me a bad person.

I still meant every word I said about never letting Ryder out of my sight again, though.

Wherever he goes, I go, and vice versa. If I have to quit my job, I’ll quit.

It’s not like it’s my dream job, and even if it were, he is my dream.

My life with him by my side until we’re old and gray is my real dream.

My arms tighten around him, and I pull him even closer. I don’t want even an inch of space between us, and despite trying not to wake him, I feel his body stretch out against me, and a smile instantly takes over my face.

“Mmm,” he hums. “Morning.”

I smile, tipping my mouth down to kiss him softly. “Morning, baby.”

He inhales deeply and smiles up at me when I pull away.

“I slept,” he murmurs, sounding surprised. “Like, actually slept. All night.”

I let out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t up all night tossing and turning with fear and nightmares. “Good, baby,” I whisper. “You needed it.”

Ryder nods against my chest. Then slowly, he tips his head back to look at me.

His beautiful brown eyes are still sleepy, and his brown hair is disheveled in the way I love so much.

It makes my heart fucking ache and I can’t help but lean down and press another kiss to his lips.

His beard has grown a little longer than the short length he usually keeps it at, since he hasn’t been able to take care of it properly, and I love the burn against my skin.

“I love you, Logan,” he promises.

My heart kicks into overdrive at his words.

Even though he told me last night, I can’t help but cup his face, tracing the line of his scruffy jaw with my thumb, thinking about what eighteen-year-old Logan would say if he could hear those words now.

He’d be stunned speechless, because he has something he never let himself dream of.

Almost a decade ago, I met the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, who had a personality that clicked with mine perfectly.

But I told myself being his friend was enough when I’d found out he was straight, and every time those feelings of more tried to surface, I shoved them back down, convinced that wanting more would ruin everything.

But now, he’s said those words out loud.

For a second time. Confirmed what I’ve always wanted to exist between us. Every part of me wants this.

I swallow the emotion in my throat and look him in the eyes.

“I love you, too, baby.”

I kiss him again, slow and sure like a promise of more. Because that’s exactly what it is—a promise of forever. He’s it for me. When we finally pull apart, we’re still tangled in each other, reluctant to let each other go.

“Alright, come on, let’s get up and make breakfast. We can’t spend all day in bed, unfortunately,” Ryder says, pulling away with a kiss to my forehead.

After a few more minutes of cuddling, we drag ourselves out of bed and make coffee and eggs together.

We work around each other in the kitchen, each with a signature mug.

Ryder’s says, ‘Don’t talk to me until I’ve eaten this mug,’ and mine says, ‘Actually, this is my first rodeo.’ It’s such a small, silly little thing, but being in the kitchen, pouring coffee into our mugs, feels like home.

After we finish eating and washing the dishes, Ryder turns to me while drying the pan. “As much as I wish we didn’t have to go anywhere today, I think our parents will start pounding on the door if we don’t get over there soon, boyfriend .”

The word should make me feel giddy and proud, but all it does is bring back the weight of what I did.

I let it slip at the hospital by calling him my boyfriend without thinking or knowing if he was ready to share that with anyone yet.

I outed him in front of a room full of people while he was tied to a fucking chair in some warehouse, fighting to survive.

He didn’t have a say. I took that moment from him, took his choice.

Even though he teased me for it, even though he swore it didn’t matter and that he was just grateful I found him, I can’t shake the guilt. He’s been through enough, had enough taken from him, and I hate that I added to it.

My face must give away my inner turmoil because Ryder’s smirk is quickly replaced by a look of concern.

“Logan,” he says gently, turning to face me fully. “Stop beating yourself up, babe.”

“I just…” I hesitate. “I wish I hadn’t said it before you got to. I hate that I took that choice away.”

He’s quiet for a moment before he reaches up to cup my jaw, his thumb brushing over my cheek. “Logan, I meant what I said?—”

I cut him off, “But?—”

“No, Lo.” He shakes his head. “Listen to me. Did it happen the way I expected? No. But, honestly, it’s a relief.

Now we don’t have to sit everyone down to make a big announcement while they all wait for me to share my sexuality with them.

I never really wanted to have to come out in the first place,” he says, and I understand that.

“I just want to be your boyfriend and live our life without having to explain it to everyone. And I don’t want that to sound like our relationship isn’t important to me, because it is.

You’re everything to me, Loge. I just want to love you without a preface. ”

“I get it,” I tell him, because I do. I treated my coming out pretty much the same way.

My parents have always loved me unconditionally, and when I told them in high school, I knew they’d be okay with it.

It also wasn’t some big sit-down announcement.

I simply told them I thought a boy was cute, and they smiled at me with so much love in their eyes, then asked questions about him.

“You said it, and they accepted it, just like we knew they would,” he continues.

“It’s honestly so much better this way. Trust me on this.

You did me a favor. I don’t plan to come out to anyone.

I plan to hold your hand, and kiss you, and love you publicly without making an announcement every time.

But, if you could do me one more favor and tell your brother so I don’t have to deal with that when we see him later, that’d be great,” he laughs, and I feel my guilt start to ease.

I shouldn’t keep pushing this on him when it’s my own thing to work through.

After everything that’s happened, my brother drove to my parents’ house yesterday, knowing we’d be coming over today.

“You want me to do it now or wait until we get there and be the one to tell him?” I ask.

Ryder smiles at me. “You can tell him when we get there.”

I nod and start to pull away, but Ryder lets his hand fall from my chin down my arm as he laces our fingers together.

“Hey Logan?” he says, keeping my attention on him.

“You’ve always been my choice. Now it just means we can show up in front of all of our family as boyfriends, and I can’t wait for that. ”

The words leaving his lips fill me with so much love. I let out a sigh, and he leans in to kiss me slowly. It tastes like reassurance, and it silences every ounce of guilt in my body.

When he pulls back, he smirks at me. “Now, come on, boyfriend. Let’s get moving.”

I let out a quiet laugh, shaking my head, grateful for him breaking the tension.

I know things are nowhere near ‘normal’—we’re both carrying so much we still have to unpack and process, but this morning Ryder seems a little bit more like himself.

I think waking up in my bed after a full night of sleep gave him a little sense of safety that he’s been craving and didn’t get at the hospital.

Being together at home, just us, has always been our space where we could be our neediest, most vulnerable selves without judgment.

We finally start moving, getting ready and hopping in the shower—together, obviously—before locking up and heading out.

We stop at the store on the way to pick up a bouquet of flowers for our moms. I was an asshole in the hospital; it’s the least I can do.

Ryder’s mom is meeting us at my parents’ place so we can all spend the day together, as one big unofficial family.

“You okay?” I ask, reaching over to lace our fingers together after we get back in the car with the flowers.

“Yeah. Still feels like a lot of pressure, though, for some reason. I don’t even know why—maybe because it’s the first ‘normal’,” he emphasizes with air quotes, “hangout we’ve had since the first email before we even knew what was going on.

I still feel kind of guilty for not telling them about anything that was happening. ”

I watch as he wets his lips, his gaze flickering away for a second before he lets out a dry laugh.

“It’s not every day your son’s best friend-slash-boyfriend gets kidnapped, and falls in love mid-crisis. Real high-stakes romance shit. Oh, and let’s not forget the part where your dad stormed a warehouse with you with guns like he’s Liam Neeson.”

I snort. “Yeah, good thing for his military background. He was dead set on coming with me though, and honestly, I’m so fucking glad he did. My nerves were at an all-time high, and I probably would have done something reckless because you were the only thing I could think about.”

Ryder huffs, shaking his head, looking at me with a genuine smile now. “Alright, alright. Let’s go get fussed over by our parents.”

I lean over and give him a quick kiss. “C’mon, baby.”