Page 17 of Stormswept Colorado (Hart County #3)

SIXTEEN

Ayla

Teller touched his lips to the pads of my fingers.

It felt like I was under some spell, just watching what he would do next. I’d been half frozen a moment before, but now, lines of fire traced up and down my limbs and into my stomach.

Something was happening between us, though I had no idea what it was.

Teller lowered my hands, placing them in my own lap. His gaze moved to the windshield, though there wasn’t a thing visible with the snow covering it. “Better now?” His voice was tight.

When I spoke, I didn’t sound like myself either. “Getting there.”

It seemed like he was trying to give me some space. I thought of what he’d said earlier. Maybe touching you meant something different before .

But right now, it felt like the coziest place in the world was there in his arms.

I arranged my space blanket, but I snuggled up against his side at the same time.

He had just seen one of my most embarrassing moments.

I was feeling pretty shameless. Then his arm went around me beneath the blanket, pulling me deeper into the circle of warmth that radiated from him.

My body went limp by a few more degrees. Like I just wanted to melt into him.

“This okay?” he asked.

“It’s nice.”

I rested my head in that small dip between his shoulder and his chest. It was getting darker in the cabin by the minute. We were both quiet, and I alternated between relaxing into the moment and nearly losing my breath from being so close to him. Like my body was at war with itself.

I settled somewhere between drifting off to sleep and tingling with excitement.

Very little about this drive had gone the way it was supposed to.

And that whole disaster of going out into the snow because I was about to wet my pants?

I’d rarely felt more ridiculous. But Teller had made me laugh through it.

He’d actually dug me a path through the snow, plus my own personal bathroom area.

I mean, what guy would jump out and do something like that without even being asked?

Teller Landry, that was who.

On paper, he gave the impression of being a cruel, hard man. Like my father had been. Teller had come across that way the first few times we’d met. But that wasn’t the guy sitting here with me right now. Or the man who’d held his nephew on the roof last night.

I genuinely liked this man. I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a really inconvenient one. In less than two days, I would be leaving Colorado. I had no idea when I’d be back again.

But he was right here. Still larger than life, yet I felt completely at ease.

“Can I ask you something?” I said. “You don’t have to answer.”

He pulled back enough that he could look down at me. Pale green glowed in the dimness. “Go ahead.”

“You mentioned being wounded in a car crash. Was that…” I raised my hand, meaning to gesture at his face, but my fi ngertips brushed the silvery scars on his cheek. The skin was a mix of bumpy and smooth.

He made a sound in his throat and caught my hand. But he didn’t let go this time. “Yes. Are you asking how it happened?”

I nodded. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” I’d been around plenty of service members growing up. Many didn’t talk about their deployments.

“It’s not my favorite topic, but I don’t mind telling you.

Can’t say much, though. It was a classified mission.

” His thumb ran across my knuckles. “I was driving. Another of our Humvees was in front of us, with four other operators from our unit. Another Humvee behind. One moment, everything was fine. The next, the first vehicle lifted in the air and crashed back onto us. They’d hit a concealed IED. ”

He’d spoken matter-of-factly, but his grip on my hand tightened.

“I was very lucky,” he went on. “I was trapped and nearly bled out, and my shoulder got fucked up. But I survived and didn’t lose any limbs. All of my friends in the first vehicle were killed. Same with the guy sitting next to me.”

“How awful. I can’t imagine.”

“It was the worst day of my life. The days immediately after that weren’t so hot either.”

I squeezed his hand. “You left the service afterward?”

“Mainly because of my shoulder.” He rolled his right shoulder a few times, the one closest to me. “It still acts up. Gets stiff. Especially when the weather’s bad.”

“I had my head on that shoulder! You should’ve said something.”

His lips quirked. “You weren’t hurting me.”

“Does massage help?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Sometimes.”

I shifted around so I could reach his shoulder. My hands seemed so small against him. I gently pushed into the thick muscle. “How’s that? ”

“Nice.” The word came deep from his throat. I felt him watching me, but for some reason, I couldn’t lift my eyes to meet his.

“Do the scars hurt?” I asked.

“Not anymore.”

“Do you miss it?”

My question was vague, but he understood what I meant.

“I miss the people I served with. Especially the ones who didn’t make it home.

Wish we could grab a drink, catch up, but we can’t.

The Army was my life for a very long time.

But I enjoy being home, having so much time with Ollie and Piper.

My family is what drives me. The guys I served with, the best ones, they felt the same. Family is everything.”

I kept kneading his shoulder over his uniform shirt, but my eyes stung.

Geez, he was telling me important things about himself, things that were hard to talk about, and my brain was making this about me. My childhood growing up on Army bases, surrounded by men who looked like Teller. For all I knew, Teller could’ve been one of them.

But the man in my family back then, who was supposed to love us, protect us, only made me feel worthless.

Something hot and bitter streaked down my cheek.

I pulled back and turned toward the window, but Teller reached out, his huge palm cupping the side of my neck. “Ayla?”

I sniffled and wiped my face. “It’s not you. I was thinking of something else.”

“Your father?”

My body jolted. “What do you know about that?”

“Callum told me a little about it. You ran away from home at sixteen because of your father, the colonel. He hurt you.”

Teller said that as a statement, not a question. Like he didn’t need any confirmation, didn’t have any doubt . He believed me already before I’d had to say a word. But still, I nodded. “Yes.”

“I am so sorry he did that to you. ”

My skin was all hot and cold. Hot tears, cold from the air because I wasn’t inside Teller’s circle of warmth anymore. I edged closer, and he helped me pull the blankets around us both again. Teller’s words from earlier repeated in my head.

You can trust me, Ayla. If you want to talk, I’m here.

A few days ago, even a few hours ago, that had felt impossible. But I found myself opening my mouth. And it all just poured out.

“The colonel wanted a son, but he got two daughters. After me, our mom couldn’t have any more children.

And on top of me not being the boy he’d wanted, I was always getting into trouble.

Drawing pictures on my math worksheets and getting lost in the songs I made up when I was supposed to do chores. I cried too much. Felt too much.”

“You were just a kid.”

I closed my eyes. “Didn’t matter. He was cruel to our mom and Lori, but the colonel hated me. He would stick me in the basement and call me stupid and lazy through the closed door.”

“Jesus, Ayla.” Teller stroked my back, holding me tight to his chest.

“The colonel never hit me, but his words were meant to hurt, and they did. I used to ask myself what I’d done wrong that he could hate me that much.”

“ Nothing ,” Teller said fiercely. “You did absolutely nothing.”

I was shaking. I couldn’t believe I was telling him this. I had never told anyone all of this, but it was leaching out of me like poison.

I needed it out of me.

“As I got older, I got more defiant. Every time we moved to a new place, I could try out being someone else instead of myself.”

“Performing?”

“Exactly. Even Lori didn’t know how bad it was for me. She had her own friends, like Ashford. It was even worse after our mom got fed up and left.”

“She didn’t try to take you girls with her? ”

“The colonel would never have let her. I guess Mom just…decided to forget about us.”

That was hard to say, but I’d come to terms with it. Mom hadn’t tried to contact me, even after I got famous. I was grateful for that. It would’ve been so much worse if she showed up, armed with apologies and excuses, wanting money.

“Lori and I both stayed away from the house as much as possible whenever our father was around.”

“Can’t blame you.”

“I babysat a lot. The little kids were the best. They looked at me like I was someone special.”

“You are someone special.” Teller was using that self-assured tone again. Like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Like he believed it down to his bones.

I smiled sadly. The words kept coming. A torrent that I could no longer hold back.

“When I was sixteen, the colonel was stationed in Upstate New York. One night, I’d been babysitting next door.

The family had a boy in middle school. The dad was a sergeant.

Roy Carpenter. I thought he was nice. Sergeant Carpenter gave me flowers once for my birthday.

But that night, the sergeant walked me to my door, and he… he tried to kiss me.”

“ What ?”

“I punched him in the face.”

“Good. He deserved worse.”

“I thought about kneeing him in the balls too, but he backed off.” A short laugh cut through my heartache again, then disappeared as the sadness took over.

“My father must’ve seen through the window.

He exploded when I got inside. Accused me of slutting around the base.

It was so unfair. I finally told him off.

Told him exactly what I thought of him. And…

that was the last night I ever spent there.

I left home before the morning came. Never went back. ”

“It took a lot of courage to leave.”