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Salem

Eighteen Years Ago

My hands trembled as I held the plastic stick and stared down at the two pink lines. I reached out and gripped the sink in front of me when my knees started to give out. Could this be wrong? Was there such a thing as a false positive on a pregnancy test?

I had no one I could ask. No mother. And Vanna…we’d buried her two days ago.

Rome had been withdrawn and even raised his voice angrily when I mentioned staying longer. My professors had given me two weeks off to grieve the loss of Vanna—who, I’d told them, had raised me, but that wasn’t entirely true. I was getting the notes I missed through my email and recordings of my lectures. I’d taken my first test yesterday through a link that had been sent to me. I was scheduled for another one tomorrow. His reaction to my staying hadn’t made sense. I’d have thought he wanted me here.

I’d told myself that my period was late because of the emotional trauma of seeing Vanna in her last few days, dealing with the aftermath of losing her, and Rome. He hadn’t been the same since we’d left the hospital after she was pronounced dead.

But every day, my anxiety that it hadn’t come got so severe that I was losing sleep. So, I’d bought this to make myself feel better.

Instead, I felt as if the solid ground I had been standing on had been pulled out from under me, and I was left clinging to something to hold on to. How would I tell Rome this right now? He didn’t need this kind of pressure and worry. It could be wrong. I could buy another one. My bank account was getting dangerously low since I wasn’t able to work. But my job was there, not here.

I had to be sure. Before I told him, I needed to be positive. Or maybe even wait a little while. Give him time to adjust to life without his mother.

I closed my eyes tightly and sucked in a breath. I was going to be okay. It was fine. Rome would be by my side if I was pregnant. I wouldn’t be alone. We’d work this out.

Opening my eyes back up, I lifted my gaze to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I looked the same. There was nothing new about my appearance. This had to be wrong. I probably hadn’t done it correctly. What did I know about pregnancy tests? I’d never seen one until today. I should have read the instructions more carefully. That was all.

Rome still hadn’t come home from work. I’d suggested he not go in this week and take some time, but he’d been adamant that he needed to be there. He wanted the distraction. The way he’d been talking to me, his tone of voice, was so different that I didn’t push. It was as if he didn’t want to be forced to discuss anything. He was gruff and on edge. There was a slight panicky feeling inside my chest when I thought too hard about it. I was being too sensitive and needed to give him space. I’d been doing my best to do just that, but right now, I needed to see him.

I needed the reassurance of having him close. Knowing I wasn’t alone. That he wanted me. The insecurity that I’d lived with most of my life started to nudge me, reminding me it was a monster that hadn’t truly gone away. Rome and Vanna had just made me forget that it lingered in the darkness of my mind. A quiet whisper, telling me I wasn’t worth loving. That I was flawed. That I was unwanted. It grew louder in my ear every time Rome pulled away from me. Seeing him would put it back in its place. Locked away.

The eight-year-old Honda Civic that Vanna had helped me buy before I left for college was almost empty, and I’d need to put gas in it to get back from the bike repair shop where Rome worked, but I could get there at least. More money I didn’t need to be spending, but my mental health required that I see Rome.

Driving the twenty-three miles to him was fast since most of it was on the interstate. The closer I got, the more anxious I became. I was afraid I’d see him and blurt it out. I knew I couldn’t do that. He’d been through enough this past week.

Before I said anything, I was going to take another test. I had to be sure. This could all be a mistake, and there was no reason to get Rome upset over it. I was upset enough for both of us.

I pulled up beside his bike and parked, then hurried out of my car. The smell of cigarettes lingered in the air as I made my way to the shop. I wondered if Rome had come outside to smoke. He’d been doing it a lot this week. His mom would have been so upset about that, but I wasn’t going to say that to him. If that helped him cope, then it wouldn’t do any permanent damage if it was just while he was grieving. At least, I didn’t think it would.

Just as I pressed my hand against the door to push it open, I heard a familiar deep groan, and I paused. That was a sound I knew well, and a knot began to form in my throat, tightening it. Shaking my head, I drew in a deep breath. My imagination was getting away from me. There were other reasons for him to groan.

Turning, I went around the side of the building toward the back, where I’d heard him. I hoped he wasn’t sick. That should have been my first thought. Why was I jumping to the worst-case scenario?

It was the dang pregnancy test. The stupid thing had me all messed up in the head.

“That’s it. Suck it deep.” Rome’s deep voice felt like talons sinking into my chest.

My steps slowed. I could think of other reasons for him to moan…but there was only one thing I could think of for the words he’d just uttered.

Every step I took felt as if my feet had turned into concrete blocks, and I was struggling to drag them forward.

“God,” he groaned. “Fuck, that’s good.”

My eyes burned, and my vision blurred. The closer I got, the louder the warning bell in my head clanged, telling me to turn and run. Not to look. If I didn’t see it, then it wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. But I couldn’t keep myself from the horror waiting for me. The thing that would strip me of all I thought I knew.

“Damn, that’s a slutty mouth, you hungry little cockwhore.”

The voice I loved shredded me with every word.

As I made that last step and turned the corner, the view was one that I knew would change me forever. Nothing would be the same again. All that I thought I had—the security I’d found in loving and being loved by Rome—was snatched from me.

His hand was gripping blonde hair, and his head was thrown back. The girl on her knees in front of him was topless, and I wasn’t sure if she was wearing shorts or if those were her panties. There wasn’t much to them. Hot-pink nails gripped his thighs, and his mouth fell open slightly.

I’d never felt this kind of pain. I heard a sob, and it wasn’t until Rome’s eyes flew open and locked on me that I realized it had been mine. For a moment, panic and even fear contorted his face, but it was fleeting. Gone almost immediately and replaced with a cold detachment.

It was then that I turned and ran.

Present Day

Memories that I’d shut away a long time ago replayed, unwanted, in my head as I stood, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I wasn’t that young girl anymore, yet here I was, fresh out of Rome’s shower, wrapped in one of his oversize towels and smelling of his body wash.

Out of all the many things I’d imagined over the years that would happen if I ever saw Rome again, this was not one of them.

Waking up in his bed for a second day in a row—without a hangover this time—I’d been wrapped in his arms. The guilt was a constant companion, although it wasn’t enough to stop me from doing it again. It seemed my need for Rome hadn’t been distinguished. And Eamon had died, knowing it. That was what my guilt was really about.

The door opened behind me, and I lifted my gaze to see Rome fill the frame. His eyes drifted down my body, then back up to meet mine in my reflection. The way they darkened sent a shiver of anticipation through me. This could potentially be the most dangerous thing I did—allowing him back into my life. But he had made me feel things I hadn’t…since I had been nineteen years old and madly in love with him. It seemed he held that power alone.

“I was disappointed when I walked in and you weren’t still in my bed, but this?” he drawled, slowly taking my body in again. “This might be better.”

He’d gotten a call from Liam and had to go meet with him, but he’d kissed me and told me to stay here until he got back, that it would be quick. That had been over an hour ago.

My insecurities weren’t completely gone even though he hadn’t made me feel anything but beautiful last night when he literally kissed every inch of my naked body. Still, I kept thinking about the girls he’d been with over the years, especially the two I’d seen him with since he’d walked back into my life. When I compared myself to gorgeous young strippers, it was difficult not to feel as if my flaws were like a bright neon sign.

“I wanted a shower, and you said not to leave the room,” I replied.

He nodded his head slowly, bringing his eyes up from my legs to my face. “Anytime you want to shower here, you’re welcome to, but I’d prefer you wait for me next time. I can soap up your back better than you can.”

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from grinning like an idiot. He made me feel like that girl again. It was as if eighteen years hadn’t happened.

“I’ll remember that,” I told him.

Rome closed the space between us until I could feel the heat from his body warming my bare skin. With his fingertips, he brushed a lock of hair, which had fallen out of the knot on top of my head, off my shoulder. I watched him as he leaned down and pressed his lips to the same spot.

“I have to leave for a few hours.” His voice took on a husky timbre as he trailed his affection over to the curve of my neck. “I’m supposed to meet Liam outside in ten minutes.”

I drew in a sharp breath as his teeth nipped at my skin.

“Drop the towel,” he told me as his eyes met mine.

When we were in bed, with only moonlight streaming through the window, it was one thing. In the bright bathroom lights, it was different. I tensed, and my hand went up to grip the towel tightly together. He stopped kissing me and reached around to cover my hand with his.

“Ten minutes doesn’t give me a lot of time,” he said, studying me now. “You gonna play hard to get this morning?”

I wanted to laugh. I’d been anything but that. At least this time around, I hadn’t thrown myself at him. I had made him work for it a little. But it was by no means enough to define it as hard.

“I’m, uh…” Embarrassed for you to look at my naked body in the harsh fluorescent lighting .

“You’re what?” he asked as his thumb caressed my hand. He moved closer until his body brushed against mine.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him and admit this. “Naked.”

A deep chuckle vibrated in his chest, and I felt his warm breath close to my ear.

“No shit, Angel Face. That’s the point.”

There had been a time when I did everything I could to get naked with him. Oh, to have that kind of self-confidence again. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was used to having girls fifteen years younger than me prancing around naked in front of him, this would be easier. But seeing as I was closer to forty than twenty, my body wasn’t what it had been. I wanted to be honest with him and just say it, but then it would only be highlighting my faults.

“I’m running out of time, and I want my hands on you before I have to leave,” he said, tugging at my hand to free the towel.

On instinct, my other one flew up to help hold it together. I could see the flush on my skin in the mirror. God, this was embarrassing.

“You get modest on me overnight?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

I licked my lips nervously and then sighed, causing my shoulders to rise and fall. “No,” I replied. “It’s just…well, last night, we were in your bed, and it wasn’t so…bright.”

There, I had said it. Or at least kind of said it.

“And?” he drawled, his hand tightening its grip on mine.

God! He was going to force this out of me.

My arms locked, not budging on the grip I had on the towel.

“I’m not nineteen anymore,” I replied.

“So?”

Was he seriously not getting what I was saying?

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I didn’t want to spell this out for him. It only made it worse.

“My body isn’t…like it was then.”

He smirked, then let go of my hand, only to reach down, grab the bottom of the towel, and jerk it up. I squealed and tried to move away, but he pinned me between his body and the sink. His hand slapped my right butt cheek, and I jumped.

“You’re right. This ass got better, and those tits you have covered up with your death grip on the towel got bigger.” His hand slid up and over my hip to my waist, and then he squeezed it. “Let go of the towel, Angel Face. Whatever shit you got in your head needs to stop. I’ve seen your body. I was up close and personal with all of it last night. You shouldn’t have any doubts about just how much it turns me on.”

He moved his hand up my stomach to cup one of my breasts. I trembled, and my hold weakened.

“How a woman with a face like yours can have any fucking insecurities I can’t figure out,” he said in a gravelly voice, then pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Go ahead and keep your towel on for now. My time is up. But when I get back, we are gonna fix this. I’ll keep you locked up in this room naked for days if that is what it takes for you to get just how much I love your body. Now, turn around and give me your mouth.”

I swallowed hard as he pinched my pebbled nipple before removing his hand from beneath my towel. I did as he’d asked and tilted my head back to look up at him once we were facing each other.

His eyes trailed over my face. “You only got better with age,” he told me, then cupped my cheek with one hand and began to rub the pad of his thumb over the beauty mark.

“You did call me old,” I said, reminding him of his first words to me after eighteen years—when I’d come face-to-face with him as I walked out of the restroom at Paradise Brew.

A sexy grin spread over his face. “You gonna ever let that go?”

I shook my head.

“Ah, come on now, Angel Face. I was in shock,” he said, and then his amusement faded. “And I’d noticed the rings on your finger.” He paused. “I’d always figured you’d gotten married. A woman who looks like you doesn’t end up single forever. But seeing it, knowing you were someone else’s”—his jaw tensed, and he shook his head—“I hadn’t been ready for that.”

Had I ever truly been Eamon’s? I wanted to think I had. He’d loved me. He was the one who had saved me. Picked me up and put me back together again. He had deserved to be loved in this life the way he loved. But he knew. I’d tried to hide it from him, but all those years, he had known that he wasn’t the only one in my heart, and he’d loved me anyway.

Rome lowered his head, and his lips met mine. All other thoughts drifted away, and again, he was the only light I saw.