Page 78 of Sticky Fingers

It’s not as easy as I thought it’d be, you know? It sure as hell isn’t something a pair of Louboutins can fix.

Anyway, when you compare romantic comedies to the alternative, then it doesn’t sound half as a bad.

You see, for a couple of days I thought that getting it on with some hot random guy would help matters, but...in the end, I didn’t have the courage to be with someone new. It just didn’t feel right, you know? Even though all I had to do was pick my phone up and call one of dozens of guys chasing after me, I simply couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I simply couldn’t.

Five.

That’s how many times I saw Malcolm these past two weeks. It’s always downstairs, in the lobby, but I don’t think he saw me any of those times. And that was for the best, really, because every time I saw him, my knees grew weak and my brain froze.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Ridiculous.

Laugh all you want, but you can be sure that after I saw him each and every one of those times...the last thing on my mind would be a laugh. Instead, all I did was run up to my apartment, shut myself in the bedroom, and cry my eyes out.

Poor me, boohoo, I know.

But just a glimpse of him and I’d feel my insides clench, my whole body heating up, and my brain would start running at a thousand miles per hour.

I just…God, I just miss him so goddamn much. I can’t even tell you how much effort I put in to not rushing towards him and falling into his arms.

Seven.

That’s how many days Kathy has been staying with me. You’d think that she stays over all the time, and you wouldn’t exactly be wrong. It’s just that it’s pretty unusual for her to stay this long.

As fun as I imagine being my assistant is, she does have a life of her own.

But after Malcolm proposed, she has been so damn worried about me. I told her it’s fine, that I’m alright, that she can go back home...but she just won’t budge. I guess that, after a week of a cheap wine diet—and me drunk-dialing her all the freaking time—she started growing worried.

It’s only because of her that I’ve been eating healthy food—or any kind of food, really. If it were up to me...well, suffice to say that the takeout guy would be my best friend by now.

Three.

That’s how many times I’ve considered just going to Malcolm’s apartment, kick his door down, have the most amazing sex of my life...and then sayyes.

And, each of those times, I considered doing that for real. It wasn’t a fantasy, and it wasn’t me daydreaming while drunk.

No, I considered all of thatseriously.

But I took a deep breath every time and reminded myself what was at stake here. Even if I said yes, there would be no wedding.

It’s all a ruse, one set up just so Malcolm can get Strong off his back and throw me under the bus...and, of course, if that happened, the wedding would be off in an instant.

Malcolm would be laughing in his apartment, and I’d be rotting away in jail.

Yeah, it’s been all gloom and doom these past few days.

So what? Just let me wallow for a bit.

One.

One moment is all you need to change your life. That moment happened for me when I took the Picasso off the wall and my eyes met Malcolm’s. I’ve been dreaming of it, thinking of it every waking second of my life.

“Sonia!”

I thought I had a fun and solid life. I thought I was the captain of my destiny, and I thought that men weren’t something I needed to worry about.