Page 92 of Stalked By Shadows

Standing in the mess that was his home, I thought maybe there was more that had happened and wondered if I should have pushed harder.

“Maybe Micah and I should go to his place?” I suggested.

“No,” Lukas said hotly, like the discussion was closed.

I shared a glance with Micah, then went to the kitchen to begin cleaning. He began in the living room, stacking up books, stripping the cover off the couch, and throwing away fast food containers. I filled the dishwasher, wiped down the counters, and swept the floor. Micah took many trips to the bedroom to put away books. Apparently Lukas had spent the entire time I was gone reading everything he could get his hands on about the paranormal. I didn’t know if that should worry me or not.

“Was he not working?” I whispered to Micah as Lukas stuffed what looked like every piece of clothing he owned in his washer.

“On leave,” Micah said. “He was too much of a mess once we saw the video of you in the garden. I tried to call and stop by, but he would never answer the phone or the door.”

That wasn’t good. Idle Lukas was an unhappy one. “And him and Sky?”

He shook his head. “No idea. I know they have barely spoken in the last month. Sky has been putting in full-time hours at the shop to help out, and Lukas hasn’t come in once. Even when I ask him a business-related thing. He refers me to his accountant.”

I frowned and took out the trash, thinking we’d need half a dozen air fresheners to ease the stink of the apartment. By the time I stepped back inside, Lukas was in a tizzy, yelling at Micah about letting me go outside.

“Stop,” I demanded, pushing Micah behind me and getting in Lukas’s face. “I took out your fucking trash, since you couldn’t see fit to do it. I’ve gone outside by myself a million times in my life. Even served my country halfway across the world. I’m fine.”

He glared at me, then glanced at Micah. “I think you should go home.”

Micah blinked and then nodded, gathering up his stuff.

“Wait,” I begged him. “Fuck.” I grabbed Lukas’s shirt and made him look at me. “I’m fine. I’m here. I’m safe and alive. Can’t you be happy for that?”

“Thrilled,” he said hotly.

I flinched as if slapped by the sarcasm in his tone, and let him go. “Wow. I’m sorry to be such a burden on you.” I glanced around at Micah’s bag and the few things I knew were mine. “I think maybe I should go.”

“You’re not going anywhere. Hell, if I could ship you home to Mom and Dad right this minute I would. Maybe I should have left you in the psych ward.”

“Fuck you! You don’t get to say what I do and don’t do,” I threw back at Lukas. Why was he being such a jerk? “I’m not five. What’s wrong with you? I was gone so you become an asshole? How is that an excuse to treat your friends like shit when they are trying to help you?”

Lukas grabbed me by the shirt and shook me. Micah reached for him, but I put a hand up to stop him. Lukas wouldn’t actually hurt me.

“I thought you were dead. Everyone told me you’d jumped into the river and we hadn’t found you yet. Do you have any idea how many times they told me I should have left you in the mental hospital where you weresafe? How many nights I spent unable to sleep, walking the river shore, looking for any sign of your body. It made no sense that you would get up and leave Micah’s garden to go off and kill yourself, but neither does some unseen boogeyman taking you. Easier for everyone to believe you offed yourself. And do you understand how fucking hard that was for me? I spent years worrying about you. Wondering when someone in uniform would show up at my door to tell me you were gone, only for you to come home and die on my watch? Could you stop fucking chasing death for a while?”

I blinked at him, letting the words sink in. Of course they’d treated him like shit, giving him worst case scenarios so he’d expect it when they found my body. Only he’d been down this road before. Maybe it was more intense when it was your brother instead of a guy you barely knew, but he had seen how everyone treated Tim. I’d only heard and read about it.

“I thought you believed in me,” I said absorbing his anger and pain and letting it pass. “You knew I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Do I? Micah had vanished. I pushed you together. Didn’t think you’d get attached that fast, but when he was gone from the cemetery you fell apart. You offed yourself before we could tell you he’d been found. That’s what everyone told me. And I tried to rationalize that it wasn’t my fault for steering you into that relationship, but if that’s why you were gone, itwasmy fault.”

“I’m not so fragile that I’m going to jump off a bridge over a little heartbreak.” Okay so I had entertained the idea, but only for a minute or two. Lukas didn’t need to know that.

He let go, hands gripping the air for a minute before he reached for me and wrapped me in a huge hug, his face buried in my neck. I felt tears, hot and warm on my collar bone. “Iknew. But everyone kept telling me otherwise. How many times do you have to hear it from everyone until you believe? It was endless. Even Mom and Dad were prepared for the worst.”

I hugged him back and met Micah’s concerned eyes. He shook his head. This was a familiar road for him. His phone chirped with a text and a moment later he went to the door, quietly opening it to let Sky in. I rocked Lukas in my arms and let him cry. There was nothing else I could do to reassure him I was back and going nowhere again willingly. I didn’t have the answers he wanted, or even the words to say to help him understand.

Stroking his hair and his back I gave Sky a look that I hoped conveyed a lot. Lukas wanted me to have someone to focus on, to give me a purpose, but I think he needed that more than I did. Would I always be here? Who knew? What was important was that Lukas wasn’t alone even if I wasn’t.

While I didn’t know all the details about what had happened with Sky previously, I knew he was super protective of her. The idea that he’d pushed her away to maintain some fantasy that he was somehow responsible for my death made me so pissed at everyone. Couldn’t anyone give him some fucking hope?

Sky approached cautiously, and I turned Lukas a little so he could see her. He flinched and shook his head.

“It’s okay,” she said, reaching for him.

“It’s not. I can’t even protect my brother. How am I supposed to protect you?” He demanded.