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“I see.”
“I didn’t ask you to marry me just for money,” Emma burst out passionately, still unable to turn around and face his emerald gaze. “I think it’s what gave me the idea to ask you, but it’s not why I did it. It was an excuse, I suppose. I wanted you so badly, and I felt trapped. A man can pick and choose who he wants to marry and when, but women have to sit at home and wait for an offer. I was afraid you’d never get around to asking.”
Alex sighed. If she’d only waited three more days, this entire mess would have been averted.
“The money was just an excuse,” Emma continued forlornly. “I guess I thought that if I had an urgent enough reason, then I could defy tradition and ask you instead of waiting. I don’t think I would have had the courage to propose if I hadn’t needed to get the money for Ned.”
Alex moved to the bed and sat beside her, taking one of her hands and holding it between his own. “Can you understand why I reacted as I did?” he asked, stroking her palm with his thumb. “All my adult life I’ve been chased by greedy women eager for a title. When you said you needed money—I don’t know what happened. I just snapped.”
“I just don’t understand how you could have thought that of me.” Emma raised her stricken eyes to his. “Don’t you know me?”
Alex looked away, unable to think of any words that might express the remorse he was feeling.
The silence grew interminable, until finally Emma said. “You should have trusted me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I can understand your jumping to the wrong conclusion,” she said, her voice breaking slightly. “But you didn’t even stop to think. You just treated me like a common harlot and threw me out of your house. You didn’t even ask for an explanation.”
Alex couldn’t meet her eyes.
Emma wiped away a tear that threatened to spill down her face. “I would have thought that you knew me well enough to realize that I’m not a ‘greedy little bitch. ’”
He flinched as she tossed back the cruel words he had blurted out in anger. “I know I was wrong, Emma. Believe me, it didn’t take me very long to realize that I had misunderstood you.”
“I don’t know. I feel very uncomfortable knowing that you don’t trust me.”
“But I do. I do now.”
Emma smiled sadly. “You say you do. I’m sure you believe you do. But I’m not certain that you wouldn’t jump to the very same conclusion all over again. You spent ten years hating women. It isn’t easy to undo a decade of such strong emotion.”
“I don’t hate women, Emma.”
“Hate, mistrust. It amounts to the same thing.”
“I admit that I did not hold most women in the highest regard,” Alex said, tightening his hold on her hand. “I didn’t know any outside of my family whom I could respect. But you changed that. You shattered every preconception I held about women.”
Emma wet her lips as she relived the ugly scene in Alex’s parlor. “Obviously I didn’t.”
“For God’s sake, Emma, give me a chance!” he suddenly burst out, jumping to his feet. “You’re right! I made an ass of myself yesterday because I didn’t trust my instincts. I knew you were everything I wanted in a woman, but I was afraid to admit it. Are you satisfied?” He strode across the room, taking deep breaths of air. Hands on hips, he stared at the very same tapestry that had captured Emma’s gaze a few minutes earlier. He didn’t turn to look at her when he finally said, “But now you’re doing the exact same thing to me. You don’t trust me enough to believe that I learned something from yesterday’s debacle.”
“Oh, Alex,” Emma moaned, placing her face in her hands. “I’m so confused. I think I’ve been confused since the moment I met you.”
“You’ve been confused?” Alex said, turning around as his lips twisted into a wry smile. “You’ve turned my entire life upside down. Do you know how many damned balls I’ve been to in the last two months?”
At her blank stare he continued, “More than I’ve been to in the last ten years! I don’t like ton parties. I hate ton parties. But I went to all of them—gladly—just to be near you.”
Emma blinked up at him through watery eyes. “I wish I knew what to do,” she said sadly. “Could— could you just—” She bit her lip, fumbling for words. “Could you just hold me? Just for a little while?”
Alex’s head rose at her request, and his heart began to beat rapidly. He walked across the room, sat down next to her, and wrapped his arms around her, his lips settling on the tender skin just next to her ear.
Emma closed her eyes, lost in the comfort and solace she found in his arms. When she found her voice, it was very small and quite uneven. “I think that if you keep holding me, maybe I can forget how much I’m hurting.”
Alex tightened his hold. “I’m so sorry, Emma,” he murmured. “So very sorry.”
Emma nodded, finally allowing the tears she’d been holding back all evening to trickle down her cheeks. “I know. And I’m sorry that I worried you so much tonight. I’m not sorry I did what I did,” she added with a sniffle and a sheepish smile. “But I am sorry that I worried you.”
Alex crushed her to him. “Oh God, Emma,” he said hoarsely. “Please don’t ever put me through something like that again.”