Page 17 of Spark
“It’s the right decision,” I tell the fussing baby. “You’ll understand when you’re older. God, what a total mom thing to say.”
Eventually, she settles down into a fitful sleep on my chest. I park myself on the couch to give us both some rest before my next shift at work. Gracie will be going back to the evening daycare, which I’m already dreading, but it is what it is. Life goes on. As evidenced by the healing community around me every day, life goes on, but only if you put in the effort.
Gracie fights me at drop-off, and I arrive at the restaurant already ready to go home. I’m not in the mood for the rude, entitled customers or the grabby hands, but I have a baby to raise and Grandma Rosie’s night nurse isn’t cheap, even after her insurance pays their portion.
Life goes on.
The thought rolls around in my brain over and over.
Life goes on.
Before Walker, I was passing through the days and weeks and years, just trying to keep my head above water. That one night with him had been like a buoy, reminding me I didn’t always have to struggle through it alone. Even through the trials of pregnancy and birth, I’d held on to the feeling of having his arms around me, protecting me. Sheltering me. It’s the safest I’ve ever felt.
I shake my head and try to clear it of thoughts of him. My eyes catch on a customer and I nearly do a double take until I realize I’m not seeing things. Either Walker has a twin or he’s sitting at the same table he’d been at the night we first met.
Still thinking I’m dreaming, I walk toward him in a daze. “Walker?”
His mouth lifts in a half grin, no doubt at my dumbfounded expression. “You look surprised to see me.”
Surprised doesn’t cover half of it. I’m still not certain I’m not hallucinating. Gracie has been teething, so sleep has become a thing of the past. Hallucinations wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility. “W-what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be halfway to Colorado by now. Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.” He pulls me down into the chair next to him. Well, I felt his hands on mine. They felt real enough. So he’s not a sleep-deprived hallucination, but still, I’m left with more questions than answers.
“Then what are you doing here?” My brain can’t quite catch up with reality. Much like the day after the storm when he’d appeared out of nowhere, my thoughts seem to keep misfiring. “Was your flight canceled?”
At this he smiles again, which doesn’t help my cognition one bit. “No, it wasn’t canceled. I didn’t get on it.”
“You’re not making any sense. Explain it to me in small words because I’m afraid I may be having comprehension issues. I thought it was what you wanted. Why wouldn’t you get on the plane? You said yourself you worked for it your whole life. It’s everything you ever wanted.” I don’t know why I’m arguing—having him back is all I’ve been thinking about since he left. After what I put him through, though, I can’t fathom the thought of being the reason he walks away from something he loves so much.
“It’s just a job. If it was everything I ever wanted, it wouldn’t have felt so wrong taking it. Besides, before I left the fire department here offered me a position. Hell, they’re hurting for bodies now they practically begged me to take it.”
“I don’t understand,” I admit with a shake of my head. “Working at a small-town fire department isn’t the same as jumping out of planes into wildfires. Would that even make you happy?”
He lifts a hand to cup my nape and warmth spreads all over me. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that safe, protective warmth again. When I can meet his eyes again it’s through a haze of tears in mine. “It took the time without you to realize I don’t want to be anywhere if you and Gracie aren’t there.”
I can’t help the smile that spreads over my lips. Then I frown, demanding through a voice laced think with tears, “Don’t play with me unless you mean it.”
“I’m not messing with you. I mean it. Following my dreams doesn’t mean anything if I do it alone. It’s just going through the motions. I’m staying here in Battleboro. I want to be with you and Gracie.”
“Wait. Wait. You don’t have to do this because you think you have to. I told you I’d make your relationship with Gracie work. You don’t have to give up everything for me.”
“I’m not giving up anything. Having a life with you and Gracie—that’s everything. That means more to me than any job.”
“Are you sure?”
He leans forward, kisses my objections away. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
* * *
Later after the longest shift of my life, Walker pulls me into the house and shuts the front door behind me. Grandma Rosie is long since asleep and Gracie is knocked out after the ride back from daycare, so they aren’t disturbed when I giggle as he pushes me against the door and takes my mouth in a hot, sweet kiss.
“This is what I was hoping you’d do the night we met,” he says against my lips as fire burns me up from the inside out. “It was killing me not getting to taste you.”
His lips travel down my throat, making my reply breathless and desperate. “I wanted to so bad, but I chickened out.” His mouth finds mine again and I pant when he breaks free. “What else did you want to do?” I ask, wanting to torture us both a little. It’s been a long time…too long, but I want to make it last.
Walker grins wickedly. “Why don’t I show you instead?”
My throat goes bone dry. All I can do is nod my assent.