Page 11 of Soul of the Mountain (Curves in Hope Mountain #2)

GABBY

“ I bet you’re happy to be back in Denver,” Monique, my cubicle mate, says. “I couldn’t imagine being stranded somewhere without a Starbucks. That will have to be the first business in town when we take over.”

I look up from the blank computer screen I’ve been staring at all morning. It’s my first day back in the office, and I absolutely hate it here. Was I always this miserable? Did I just convince myself this is what I wanted because I didn’t know any other way to live?

“Anyway…” Monique continues. “I see you’re as chatty as ever.” She rolls her eyes and turns in her swivel chair to face her computer.

Usually, I would be pleased with this interaction. I’ve established that I still don’t do small talk, and I’m not interested in asking her about her life. After experiencing what it’s like to let someone in, however, I’m only reminded of what I don’t have.

I wish I’d never met Sullivan. Then I could go on pretending I’m not lonely and I don’t need anyone. Now that I know the deep connection we had, I’m even more empty than before I drove up to Hope Mountain.

Even as I think the words, I know they’re not true.

I could never regret my time with Sullivan.

It was excruciating to leave him. I almost broke down and asked him what he was thinking, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him laughing at me for falling so hard for him after only a few days.

Or, even worse, if he tried letting me down gently.

My computer dings with a new email from Cindy, my boss.

She’s sitting ten feet away from me in her office, but she can’t be bothered to get up and talk to me.

I’ve always appreciated that about her, but right now, I’m starting to realize I need human contact.

Hiding behind walls of steel didn’t protect me from getting hurt; it only isolated me more.

Gabby, I know you had an eventful weekend in Hope Mountain, but I need a report on the progress we’ve made there. We lost Sadie to the small-town charm; don’t tell me we lost you, too.

I blink and read the email again. We lost Sadie? Cindy is acting like she died or went over to the dark side. Doesn’t she know Top Spot is the dark side?

That thought sits heavily on my chest. I didn’t realize until now how awful this place is. The bookstore owner, Lily, mentioned receiving threatening letters. That has to be borderline illegal, and even if it isn’t, it’s certainly unethical.

My cubicle is suddenly too small. The entire office is warm and stuffy, and I feel like I can’t breathe.

I abruptly stand from my desk, steadying myself with a hand on my desk when the room spins.

Monique gives me a questioning look, but I grab my purse and shuffle toward the hallway before she can ask what’s wrong.

I burst through the office doors, down the hall, and out into the parking lot, leaning against the side of the building to catch my breath. Before I can think about what I’m doing, I pull out my phone and call Sadie.

“Gabby!” my one and only friend greets me. I’m not even sure if she’s my friend, but she’s the only person who has been nice to me, aside from Sullivan.

“Hey,” I say weakly. I try clearing my throat, but it only makes me choke up more.

“Oh my god, what’s wrong? Did you make it back to Denver okay?”

“Yeah,” I say once I’ve somewhat gained control of myself. “I… I’m sorry. I don’t really know why I called.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Really?” I’m not sure what to do with that information.

“Of course. I was worried about you. If you hadn’t called me today, I was going to reach out tomorrow.”

“Really?” I ask again.

“We might not know each other very well yet, but I care about you. Honestly, I was surprised you left. Cutter and I thought for sure you and Sullivan… Well, never mind. How’s everyone at the office?

It’s crazy to think I won’t be back there.

Kinda great, though. I don’t miss it at all. Uh, no offense.”

“It’s terrible,” I confess. I think I shocked myself as much as Gabby. “I hate it. I didn’t realize how much until right now. I got an email from Cindy, and all I wanted to do was throw my computer out the window.”

Sadie laughs softly. “I get it. What changed your mind? I thought you were happy at Top Spot.”

“I did too. But Hope Mountain…”

“Yeah. Hope Mountain,” she echoes. “Did something happen between you and Sullivan? You know I’m the last person to judge. I mean, you saw me at my lowest with Cutter. The least I can do is be here for you and listen.”

To my absolute horror, I burst into tears.

“Gabby? Oh, hun, I’m so sorry. What happened? Was Sullivan mean to you? Swear to God, I’ll have Cutter punch him in the face.”

I hear someone, I’m assuming Cutter, mumble something in the background.

“Yeah, Sullivan,” Sadie confirms.

“That’s not necessary,” I tell her after taking a few calming breaths. “I just, uh, I mean, we kind of… Ugh,” I sigh in frustration.

“Talk to me, Gabby,” my friend encourages.

“I thought he wanted me,” I whisper. “I’ve never had a relationship or whatever. Not that Sullivan and I were in a relationship. I just thought I finally meant something to someone, but…”

“You do,” she insists. “And if Sullivan can’t see that, then he’s an idiot. Do you need me to come down for a visit? We can grab sugary coffee drinks and gossip.”

“I don’t need anything,” comes my automatic response. It’s an absolute lie, one that Sadie calls me out on straight away.

“It’s not a weakness to need other people. Remember when I needed you? Did you look down on me or make me feel guilty?”

“No. Cutter was the asshat, not you.”

“Exactly,” she says with a laugh. “Now, tell me what happened with Sullivan so I know how much damage Cutter should inflict.”

“We… got close, Sullivan and me. I told him things I’ve never opened up about before.

He was my first… well, my first everything.

” My face heats with a blush, but I know Sadie isn’t judging me.

“But when it was time for me to pick up my car, it was like a switch was flipped. Sullivan went from this kind, thoughtful, insightful man to barely saying five words to me the entire ride to Grady’s garage. ”

“Did you guys talk about what would happen when you had to go back to Denver? Did he know how strong your feelings were?”

“I kept waiting for him to bring it up. He said he wanted to be clear about how he felt, but then his phone rang, and we never finished that conversation. If it was important to him, wouldn’t he have said something?

Instead, I stupidly slept with him again in a pathetic attempt to get him to admit his feelings. ”

“Gabby,” she coos. “Hun, I’m so sorry. That actually really surprises me. From what Cutter said during their visit, Sullivan seemed pretty obsessed with you. He even asked how Cutter could be with someone who worked for Top Spot. At that time, Cutter didn’t know I had quit.”

“Why would Sullivan ask that?”

“You tell me,” she counters. “But it sure sounded like he was thinking about spending more than just a long weekend with you.”

“Then why didn’t he say something?”

“You could come back and ask him yourself.”

“I… no, I couldn’t.”

“Why not? We both know you’re going to quit your job as soon as you hang up.”

“What? I never said that.” Sadie doesn’t say anything for a beat, and I sigh. “I mean, yeah, that’s probably what I’m going to do,” I admit. “The thought of sitting in front of my computer makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Exactly. So now you have no excuses,” Sadie says, sounding quite pleased with herself. “Besides, do you really want to go your whole life wondering what might have been? Maybe Sullivan is just as scared of rejection as you are.”

“I’m not… Okay, yeah. Fine. You have a point.”

“I’ll be right here, awaiting your call as soon as you two kiss and make up. I mean, you know. Wait until the kissing is over before calling me,” she teases.

“I wish I had your confidence,” I mumble.

“Seriously, I have a good feeling about this. Someone has to take the leap. You’re a strong, badass, independent woman. Why shouldn’t it be you?”

I consider her words for a moment. They fill me up and ignite something deep inside. “You’re right. Fuck all of this. I have to go for what I want.”

“Yes! That’s my girl. We’ll talk soon.”

I hang up and swallow past the lump in my throat. Looking over my shoulder at the door to the office, I briefly think about walking in and yelling at Cindy that I quit. However, I don’t want to hear anything she has to say. Instead, I reply to her earlier email on my phone.

Cindy, you have in fact lost me. Not to Hope Mountain, but to human decency. Consider this my resignation, effective immediately.

A few seconds after I hit send, I hear Cindy’s screeching voice from inside the building. “ Whaaaat ? Where’s Gabby?”

My lips twist into a satisfied smirk, and I head to my car before she comes running out here. Good riddance , I think to myself as I take a final look at the Top Spot Realty building in my rearview mirror.

The confidence I had after hanging up with Sadie is waning the closer I get to Hope Mountain. Am I being a total and complete fool? Maybe Sullivan has already moved on and had someone else warm his bed last night while I was crying myself to sleep.

I hate that I keep doubting myself. It’s Sullivan’s fault. I was unbothered by silly feelings before he came into my life and destroyed me.

With each passing mile, my thoughts, insecurities, and anger grow bigger and bigger until I’m a giant mess of confusing emotions. I take the exit toward Hope Mountain, my car bouncing up and down when the paved road turns to gravel.

By the time I pull into Willow Tree Inn, I’m not sure if I’m going to cry, scream, or throw myself into Sullivan’s arms. I guess there’s only one way to find out…