Page 31 of Something Real with the Sea Monster (Kraken Cove #3)

THIRTY ONE

Tegan

As I stand, I feel every eye in the room on me. I cough awkwardly and try not to make eye contact. It’s hard enough standing in front of a whole circle of people while trying not to see the judgment on their faces, and frankly, I feel like such a fraud.

“Ah, I’m Tegan, and I’m an alcoholic.”

The thirteen other people in the room, including Jack, all say in unison. “Hi, Tegan.”

I roll my eyes at Jack, but he just sticks with his encouraging smile which makes me feel worse.

I’m all hot. I tug at the collar of my t-shirt and try to gather my courage. “I, um. It’s been nine days since my last drink, and I feel like I don’t belong here because I’ve never thought of myself as an alcoholic before.”

There’s silence, but it’s a welcoming silence. Some people are nodding. One lady silently mouths, “Me too.” Suddenly a whole lot of words spill out in a mad torrent.

“I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come because I didn’t know if I needed to be in AA. Only my amazing mate encouraged me, and I’m here because I don’t want to let him down again. I never want him to have to see me the way he saw me when I drank last time again.”

The group leader, a tall minotaur with wide, sweeping horns and a long, serious face clears his throat. “Thank you for sharing, Tegan. Jack, can I ask how that felt when she let you down?”

I want to look away, but I settle instead for diving for my chair as Jack clears his throat. “Well, it wasn’t good. Things got pretty messy.”

I wince.

“The worst part was afterward.”

At this I look up.

“When she wouldn’t let me help her. When she couldn’t remember where we were. I kept thinking about what she would have done if I hadn’t been there.”

My eyes well up at Jack’s words. “I’m sorry.”

He reaches over and puts his hand on my knee.

The group leader makes a low, affirming noise. “Thank you for sharing, Jack. It sounds like you really care for Tegan and you’re looking out for her.”

“Yeah.”

“And well done, Tegan. It’s not easy to hear about the ways we’ve impacted our loved ones. I want you to know that listening and taking responsibility are some of the biggest first steps.”

There’s a general hum of agreement from the group.

The lady who tried to talk to me before stands. “Hey, everyone, I’m Briony, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Welcome, Briony,” we all chorus.

“It’s been 262 days since my last drink, and I’m so close to reaching a year, and I just wanted to say thank you to Tegan for sharing.

” Her hand trembles as she reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I needed to hear that, and I needed to hear what Jack said about worrying for you. Even though I’m doing really well, I haven’t told my family that I’m an alcoholic yet.

I’ve always hidden it. Been OK, pushed through the hangovers and pretended I wasn’t drinking to survive, that it was fun. Only I think it’s time I told them.”

Everyone claps, and the group leader has some encouraging words for Briony.

As the session ends, Briony approaches me and Jack as we’re on our way out of the community hall. “Hey, Tegan?”

“Oh hey, Briony right?”

She nods. “Yeah. I just wanted to say that I can’t be your mentor yet because I haven’t been sober long enough, but if you ever want someone to talk to, someone who gets it, well I’d be more than happy to give you my number.”

I almost say no. Ever since that night in Sydney I haven’t spoken to any of my Sydney friends, and I don’t plan to.

And while it’s so lovely to hang out with Jack and his family and I know Mia will be out of hospital eventually, it would be good to have a new friend. “Yeah. That would be nice. Thank you.”

Jack and I walk out into the cool evening air. He wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Hey, I’m proud of you.”

I scoff. “Nothing to be proud of yet. It’s only been a week. I’ve gone longer than that before.”

“This is different, though, isn’t it?”

Eventually I nod.

He unlocks the car, and we get in and make the twenty-minute drive back up the highway to Kraken Cove. Just outside town there’s a clifftop lookout. Jack pulls the car over and parks, switching off the headlights. “Come out to the lookout with me for a minute.”

“Okay.” I follow him out of the car and shiver as soon as the wind off the ocean cuts through the light dress I’m wearing.

Jack pulls off his light jumper and hands it to me, and I put it on gratefully.

We have to walk down a set of steps to a wooden viewing platform, and suddenly it’s like we’re hanging over the ocean and rocks below.

The wind blows up the hem of my dress and makes gooseflesh appear all over my skin.

Jack tucks me into his chest. “We won’t stay out long.

I just thought this would be a beautiful place for it. ”

“For what?”

He slides his free hand into his pocket, and my heart lurches in my chest only to drop over the side of the balustrade and into the ocean when he pulls out the thing I was hoping he wouldn’t.

He holds out the small square box and I take it—what else can I do? When I open it, the ring inside is the most perfect ring I’ve ever seen. It’s a beautiful gold band with an enormous pearl in the center, surrounded by little diamonds. “Oh, Jack.”

“You don’t like it?”

I look up into his anxious expression. “I love it, but I can’t.”

“Oh.” He looks so crestfallen.

I hurry to add, “Not yet.”

Understanding seems to dawn on him. “It’s too soon.”

“Not exactly. I want to be your mate. I just don’t want you to commit yourself to me when there’s still so much work to do..” I shut the box with regret and close my fist around it. “I need to work through my alcoholism, and I need to know that I can be a good mate to you.”

“You are! You’re everything I want.”

“Plus some things you don’t—no one does—but I’m working on that. And I’ll get there because I’ll have this to look forward to.” With a sigh, I hand him back the ring.

He hesitates, but eventually he takes it and tucks it back into his pocket.

He’s quiet for a while and the guilt creeps up my legs with the cold. “I’m sorry I ruined your romantic proposal.”

Jack presses a kiss to the top of my head. “You didn’t ruin it. You just gave me an excuse to do it again, and next time it will be bigger and better.”

I laugh. “Should I be worried?”

“Only if you don’t like public displays of affection and being showered with gifts.”

“Yeah, I hate those things.” I elbow him in the stomach. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“It’s not a threat. I solemnly swear to completely embarrass you when I next propose.”

“Do your worst, but give me a year to stay off the booze, OK?”

“Deal.”

We go back to the car after that because it’s too cold to stay in the dark, but we sit there for a long time, cuddled up in the back seat and looking up at the stars.

I’m getting used to the quiet and the beautiful scenery and the way you might drive around a bend in the road and have to stop for a wombat or an echidna ambling across the tarmac with zero fucks to give; but I’ll never get used to how many stars you can see at night out here.

Absolutely beautiful.