Page 107 of Someone to Hold

I glance between them, unable to tell if my mom is following our conversation. “I wanted to talk to her about our family land.”

“You’re not going to build on it,” Ada says like she knows exactly what I’m thinking.

I shake my head. “Holding onto the past isn’t going to give me the future I want.”

I’m not sure anything will when everything I want is tied to Molly, and I’ve solidly screwed that up.

“But you’re staying in Skylark?” Ada demands. “I thought you and Molly?—”

“You thought wrong.”

“Did you mess it up?”

While I’m not surprised my sister makes that assumption, it still stings.

I sit down in the chair facing my mom’s recliner and cross my arms over my chest. “Everything I touch is bound to go to shit. I’m a chip off the old block, you know?”

Ada narrows her eyes. “You aren’t like him.”

I switch my attention to my mother. “Mom, I want to sell the land. Are you okay with that?”

Her eyes have drifted closed, and when she doesn’t answer, I realize she’s fallen asleep. I came here for her blessing, but I want my sister to understand my decision just as much.

“I’m going to the exhibition rodeo tomorrow to work with a team out of Wyoming. Ray told me they’re looking for another coach, and he has a friend in that area who could use some help with his operation. It’s about three hours north, so I can comedown on the weekends or whenever you need an extra set of hands.” I look up and meet my sister’s eyes. “You won’t have to take care of everything on your own.”

Her smile is sad. Or maybe disappointed is a better word.

“Did you ever think I want you to stay in Skylark because I like you, not because I need your help or you owe me some phantom debt?”

I take off my hat and scrub a hand through my hair. “To be honest, that never crossed my mind.”

“You’re an idiot,” she says, like it’s a fact. “I saw how you were with Molly. You were lighter, Chase. You were different—happy.”

“I can’t be different than who I am on the inside,” I insist.

“No.”

We both startle as Mom leans forward, wide awake now. For a terrifying heartbeat, I think she’s mistaken me for my father again and is about to flip out like she did the last time. I don’t know if I can take seeing that fear in her eyes again.

But she holds out her hand, palm side up, and when I place my fingers in hers, she squeezes tight.

“I know what you did,” she accuses. Talk about some loaded words.

I shoot a help-me glance at my sister.

“Mom,” she says in her best kid-wrangling teacher voice. “This is?—”

“Chase,” my mother whispers and I sigh, but the relief flooding through me turns to ice when she continues. “You acted out when he got mad.”

Blood roars in my head.

“I got in trouble because I was made for it.” I force a chuckle. “We all know that.”

She shakes her head, her lips rolling together in concentration, like she’s searching for a memory that’s just out of reach.

“Mom, it’s okay,” I tell her. “You don’t have to?—”

“When he came home angry or had too much to drink, I knewwhat was coming.” Her features pinch as her hold on my hand loosens. “You’d spill a glass of milk or knock something off the shelf. You drew his attention to get it away from me.”