Page 35 of Solo Stan

Elias

Back in New York, everything was loud but in a different way than it was in Moodie’s little town.

Of course, there were always cars and horns and people yelling in the street outside Elias’s apartment.

And the upstairs and downstairs neighbors and the ones to the left and right all had their specific noises that contributed to the soundtrack.

But here, it was mostly crickets screeching into the night and loud whirring of industrial air-conditioning units.

It wasn’t like New York, where there were thousands of separate AC units and thousands of different voices and stomps and horns that made one unifying sound.

It was like the separateness of each noise here made everything seem louder than all the collective noises put together.

From the way Dakarai spoke about his hometown, it was clear that he was in love with it, and it was becoming increasingly apparent why he had decided not to leave. Yet, Elias was still suspicious of how calm the town was and how peaceful it seemed. He didn’t trust it.

“I guess the ride’s over,” Dakarai said as they approached the bookstore.

“Five more minutes,” Elias protested, tightening his legs around Dakarai’s waist to hold himself up.

“You’re never beating the baby koala allegations,” Dakarai joked. He then poked Elias between the ribs, and he immediately let go.

Digging through his bag for his keys, Elias handed them to Dakarai.

“Don’t you think we’re moving too fast?” Elias asked, folding his arms, his bottom lip poking out. Dakarai immediately started twisting his earring around. “I mean, I already gave you the key to my place.”

Dakarai’s shoulders relaxed. “We’re outside and somehow you still manage to suck all the air out of the place,” he teased.

“You talk too much for someone who can’t breathe.”

Elias wrapped his arms around Dakarai’s middle and rested his head against his back as Dakarai continued to fumble with the ring of keys. Their attempts to be discreet were made futile by their hushed giggles.

They finally managed to open the door, nearly falling over each other in their rush to get into the store.

Elias quickly closed and locked it behind them, sealing their barely suppressed laughter inside.

Meanwhile, Dakarai ran to disarm the security system.

The beeping from the keypad echoed in the empty bookstore.

The only light inside was the purple glow from the neon Closed sign on the window until Dakarai turned on the overhead ones.

Elias made himself comfortable in the manga section as Dakarai made himself useful in the staff room.

Cross-legged on the floor, Elias thumbed through the seemingly infinite collection of plastic-sleeved issues neatly arranged on the red-cubed shelves.

His eyes tracked Dakarai as he moved around, selecting a small batch of coffee beans from a private store in a cabinet only he could reach.

He put his nose to the bag and inhaled deeply, savoring the scent, before he loaded it into the grinder.

“I don’t want a drink. I just want you,” Elias said.

Dakarai subtly inspected him from the corner of his eye. “I’m making myself a drink.”

Turning his attention back to the red shelves, Elias ran his fingers along the spines of the books until he stopped at one that caught his eye.

Many of the others had women in sweeping landscapes as the background, colored in using all the brightest pantones.

But this one was simple. It was all one color with only the silhouette of a man leaning against the side.

Elias flipped it over, hoping that at least some of it would be in English, but the entire thing was written in Japanese.

He turned to Dakarai, who was tamping down coffee grounds into the portafilter in anticipation of an immaculately brewed espresso. “Dakarai,” Elias called, “have you read this one?” He brandished the issue in the air.

Dakarai couldn’t hear him over the pressurized sound of the water coursing through the machine. Elias smiled and returned to his manga, feigning interest in the pages while secretly watching Dakarai over the top with playful curiosity.

Dakarai’s face was relaxed as fragrant dark liquid dripped into the glass demitasse.

A hiss of steam filled the air as Dakarai frothed milk, his practiced hands creating art within the mug.

With one hand underneath the saucer and a finger hooked into the handle of the mug, Dakarai finally closed the space between them.

His presence seemed to expand as he neared.

Elias adjusted his gaze to maintain eye contact.

“You really didn’t make me anything?” Elias complained.

“This one is for you,” Dakarai replied, setting the latte down and running back to the counter to retrieve the drink he’d made for himself outside of Elias’s notice.

Elias thanked him with a wink. “Now will you tell me if you’ve read this manga?”

Dakarai eased onto the floor beside Elias, casually draping an arm over his shoulder and drawing him into an embrace.

“Can you translate it for me?” Elias asked, handing over the issue. His body seemed to lose all strength as he settled into the curve of Dakarai’s arm. “Just a couple pages. I want to know what it’s about.”

The mug made a soft clink against the saucer as Dakarai set it down on the carpet, causing some of its contents to slosh over the side.

His expression was indecipherable as he gazed down at the cover of the book and then flipped it to the back to read the summary.

“Why this one? There are so many other books in the store that are written in your native language,” Dakarai said.

“I can recommend some other books for you.”

Elias raised his brows, widening his eyes. “But I like this one.”

“I don’t think I can—”

“Please,” Elias said, pushing the book farther into Dakarai’s lap. “Just a few panels.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Dakarai settled in more comfortably next to Elias.

He folded his legs with the manga in his lap and turned to the first page, examining it for a while with a curious expression on his face.

Elias’s eyes followed the slope of Dakarai’s nose, down his cupid’s bow, all the way to his chin until his gaze rested on the tensed muscles of his neck.

Elias leaned in closer, hugging on to his arm and leaning his head onto Dakarai’s shoulder for a better look as he cleared his throat and began.

He pointed at each black-and-white panel, his fingers gliding down the words as he read them aloud.

The pages revealed wooden houses crowned with dark-tiled roofs set against a canvas of rolling clouds and hills gilded in slender trees and winding rivers.

The story was that of Yuto, the leader of a crime syndicate, who spends his days peacefully—nurturing a garden and gazing through sliding paper doors across the rice fields from his tatami mat in the fictional town of Hanakaze, Japan.

On a business trip to Osaka, he would close the deal that would secure his future as the reigning leader of the entire region.

He sits in a restaurant by himself, savoring fish over a steaming portion of rice while, unbeknownst to him, his bodyguards lie slain outside.

In walks Hiroshi, an assassin for the rival crime syndicate led by the Nakamura family.

“For Yuto, it was love at first sight,” Dakarai narrated. He took a sip of his neglected latte.

“There’s romance in these things?” Elias asked, pointing to a panel.

“Yeah, of course, manga is full of romance.”

Elias set his cup down, and with one deliberate motion, he reached over and turned the page for Dakarai.

The slight rustle of the paper echoed in the otherwise quiet bookstore.

“If this is a romance, then why is Hiroshi holding Yuto’s heart?

” He looked at Dakarai with a cutting glare. “You don’t speak Japanese, do you?”

“That’s what you get for trying to sell me that fake astrology chart earlier.

” Dakarai’s words were nearly unintelligible through his laughter.

Elias felt each chuckle in his own body.

“I honestly thought you would catch on sooner,” Dakarai said, holding his hands up in defense.

Elias dug his elbow into Dakarai’s side until he folded.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over again, Elias continuing to nudge his ribs in their most ticklish spot.

“I was getting into it too. I was rooting for Yuto and Hiroshi. Are those even their real names?”

“I don’t know.” Dakarai was laughing so hard that it was barely audible—he was just vibrating with laughter, wiping tears away. Elias pushed him lightly in the chest. “We’ll have to order the English translation into the store. I’ll add it on to the next restock list for you.”

They studied each other for a moment.

“Nah, it’s all right,” Elias said, pulling Dakarai toward him and back against his chest. “I like your version. Tell me the rest of it.”

“Yuto’s already dead, though,” Dakarai replied.

“Use some creative license and bring his ass back.”

“As much as I would like to bring Yuto back to life, Hiroshi needs to learn from his mistakes,” Dakarai said, turning the page.

“So Yuto stays very much dead, and Hiroshi decides to leave the assassin business for good. He moves to Tokyo, gets two cats, and works the rest of his life as a barista. The end.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. How do you go from ripping people’s hearts out with your bare hands to serving iced Americanos in Tokyo?”

“People change.”

“You really think people can change?”

“I think you could if you wanted,” Dakarai replied. “Back at the show, you walked away from that fight. You talked a lot of shit before you walked away, but the point is that you did.”

Elias smiled, embarrassed. “I was trying to protect you.”

“You don’t always have to protect everyone, you know,” Dakarai said. “There are other ways to protect people without sacrificing yourself. I don’t want to see you hurt, and neither should you.”

Elias’s chest tightened at Dakarai’s words.

He had always been the one to look after his family, and even now, he felt guilt for leaving them behind.

But hadn’t they been the ones to push him out?

His thoughts drifted back to William’s letter.

Maybe things weren’t like this before, but now it feels like you’re the one needing us more than we need you.

When had they stopped needing him? And why didn’t they tell him?

He was thoughtful a moment before he said, “I know. I’ll try.”

Elias leaned his body into Dakarai, who nudged him in return, and they went back and forth, lightly pushing each other, swaying side to side as their shoulders touched.

Elias yelled out in pain and then threw himself on the ground when Dakarai nudged him again.

If being kicked off his high school team for poor sportsmanship taught him nothing else, he at least learned to fake a foul.

Dakarai tried to pull Elias up by the arm, but he let his body go completely limp so that Dakarai had to support his entire weight like a rag doll.

They couldn’t stop laughing long enough to form coherent sentences. Soon after, Dakarai gave up entirely.

Silhouetted by the fluorescent lights above, he leaned over Elias, his face unchanging.

The rough carpet fibers irritated Elias’s skin even through his shirt, yet he made no attempt to escape the cage of Dakarai’s arms. Protected by Dakarai’s shadow, Elias slowly unshielded his eyes, yet his arms felt awkward lying useless by his sides.

He reached for something, anything he could put between him and Dakarai, but he only grasped floor.

Elias settled on Dakarai’s forearm; his own heartbeat pulsed in his fingertips as he traced his thumb along a vein.

“We have work in three hours” was the only thing Elias could think to say.

Dakarai leaned in, the chain of his crystal necklace draping onto Elias’s chest. “Should we try to get some sleep?”

Elias’s heartbeat was loud in his ears. “I won’t be able to sleep.”

“Me either.” Dakarai answered so quickly that Elias wasn’t even sure if he had spoken.

“Can I make you breakfast?” Elias asked, still running his thumb along Dakarai’s forearm.

“Are you inviting me upstairs?” Dakarai’s pupils trembled as he searched Elias’s face for his intention.

“Yes, but I need, like, two minutes to tidy up first.”

“How did you make a mess already?” he scolded. “It’s barely been two days yet.”

“I’ve been living out of my suitcases.”

“You didn’t think you’d stay?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about now?”

“I guess it’s not so bad here,” Elias said with a begrudging smile.

“Now, are you going to let me up, or we going to stay like this until it’s time to open?

” Dakarai drew a deep preparatory breath but didn’t move.

“I mean, we can stay here. It’s fine by me.

” Elias pulled Dakarai by the chain toward his puckered lips.

The two laughed together, causing a sudden shift in the mood as they remembered where they were. Rising to their feet, they exchanged barely concealed glances, each dusting off and smoothing out their clothing as if to brush off the lingering tension that hung in the air around them.

“You know I don’t care how your place looks,” Dakarai said.

Elias blocked Dakarai’s path, but Dakarai persisted, steadily advancing and cornering him against the wall.

Something dug into Elias’s shoulder blade, but Dakarai prevented him from looking with a firm grip on the back of his neck.

The two stared at each other for a moment, each wondering what the other would do next.

Dakarai blinked rapidly, his gaze firmly fixed on Elias’s mouth.

Elias slid his hand down to the side of Dakarai’s face.

He held him like that, unmoving, until he felt a swallow beneath his palm.

He flinched, and a sharp pain immediately shot through his shoulder blade.

The plastic door to the security keypad fell to the ground with a bounce.

Dakarai let out an airy laugh. “Just as I thought—all bark, no bite.”

Elias smiled, embarassed. “Just give me, like, two minutes,” he said, replacing the covering to the keypad.

“I’ll clean up down here. I’ll see you in one minute,” Dakarai said, stooping to collect their cold coffees.

Elias nodded slowly as he edged away, colliding with the wall again. He waited until he was concealed behind the door of the staircase leading up to his apartment before rubbing his aching shoulder.

He took the steps in twos, dashing into his apartment to smooth out his bedspread and hide his suitcases in the closet.