Page 23 of Soldier’s Christmas Crush (Trinity Falls: Home for Christmas #4)

WILLOW

W illow stood in Jensen’s bathroom with his massive robe wrapped around her.

She had finally stopped shaking. Honestly, she wasn’t sure if she’d been shivering from the cold, or if it had actually been more from adrenaline.

As a nurse, she had known on paper that Henry was almost certainly going to be okay. He didn’t have asthma, and there was a pernicious cough going around according to the other nurses at Tarker County General.

But it was one thing to know it on paper and another to hear a toddler you cared about coughing like that, and to hold him in your arms while his little body struggled for breath.

Jensen had handled things very well, even though it was clear he was terrified for Henry. He’d been cool under pressure and done exactly what she asked each time. Henry was a lucky kid to have a dad who was good in a crisis.

Don’t think about him .

But that was the problem. The moment she’d seen that text she had been in her car without thinking about it, just desperate to get to the people she cared about most in the world.

How did that happen so quickly?

All this time, she had been frustrated with herself for not being able to let go of an adolescent crush. It had taken an emergency to make her realize that what she felt was so much deeper.

Here she was, soaking in the warmth of Jensen’s robe, surrounded by his forest scent. Yet she was thinking about how much she cared about his son, and how capable he was—not about how handsome he looked, or how good he smelled.

Could this be real?

But that would make it so much worse. Because if she brought out the worst in him—made him want to sneak around and lie to her brother, maybe even to himself—then it didn’t matter if she really cared about him. She had to let him go.

A gentle knock at the door roused her from her thoughts.

“Willow?” Jensen’s deep voice was tinged with worry.

“Hey,” she said, opening the door right away so he would see she was fine. “How’s Henry doing?”

“He’s sleeping,” Jensen said, his expression so sweet as he talked about his boy. “Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for helping him.”

“I’m so glad you called,” she told him honestly.

He gazed down at her, his gray eyes alive with emotion, and for a moment neither of them said a word .

“Uh, well, this is the smallest stuff I’ve got,” he told her, handing her a very familiar bundle of gray clothing.

“Are these your firehouse sweats?” she asked. Ransom had a set too, back in high school. She had always been wildly jealous.

“Sure are,” he told her. “They’re not fancy, but they should keep you warm.”

“I always thought you guys were so cool, being firefighters,” Willow admitted, smiling down at the shirt with the firehouse logo.

“We thought so too,” Jensen chuckled. “I’m sure we were a liability half the time, but the chief taught us a lot, and we did help out. Though we were mostly washing the trucks and pumping water out of people’s basements during summer storms.”

“I remember,” Willow said. “Ransom used to be so mad that you guys couldn’t do much during real fires.”

“We weren’t eighteen,” Jensen said, shrugging. “Looking back, I think we did plenty to support the older guys so they could focus on the big stuff.”

“I know that made a difference,” Willow told him, then patted the clothing in her hand. “Plus, you guys got the cool gear.”

“And now you get to wear it,” he said with a smile. “I’ll leave you to it.”

He headed out and she pulled the door shut again.

She dressed quickly, pulling the warm sweats on gratefully. They were definitely big on her, but so cozy that it made her smile. When she caught her own reflection in the mirror, she almost didn’t recognize herself.

I look so… happy .

Shaking her head at her own nonsense, she put her wet things by the warm radiator to dry, then headed down to find Jensen.

She knew she’d better get home before the snow picked up too much.

They’d been talking about it on the radio on her way here, but she’d been so focused on Henry that she hadn’t really thought about it until now.

“Hey,” Jensen said as she came into the kitchen. “I was just making grilled cheese and tomato soup. Why don’t you sit and eat before you head back out?”

She was going to refuse, but she could smell the fresh basil he’d used to dress up the soup, and the golden-toasted bread in the pan looked so good that her stomach growled. And besides, she wasn’t going anywhere until her clothes dried, so she might as well have a bite to eat.

“We should talk anyway,” Jensen added, his voice serious.

Well, he was right about that. And based on his expression, it seemed that he’d drawn the same conclusions she had about where they went from here.

Nowhere.

“Okay,” she said. “Thanks.”

“Sit,” he said, indicating the table. “It’s almost ready.”

She did as she was told, looking around the sweet little kitchen. The cabinets were a pretty wood, it looked like birch—an unusual choice but really nice. And it looked new. When had Jensen had the time to renovate his kitchen as a single dad?

“I made some inroads with your brother,” Jensen said, sliding the sandwiches onto the plates as he spoke.

“Really?” she said. “That’s great. ”

“It’s just a start,” he told her, shrugging. “But Henry and I bumped into him and the kids at the library the other day, and he invited me to come to Christmas. I hope that’s okay with you?”

She blinked at him stupidly for a second before remembering to nod. Christmas was a big deal. That was a sure sign Ransom wanted things back how they were before.

She felt happy and sad at the same time when Jensen smiled down at her, looking relieved that what had happened between them wasn’t going to stop him from reconnecting with Ransom.

“That’s really great, Jensen,” she told him. “You should definitely come. It wouldn’t feel like Christmas without you there.”

“I feel the same way,” he said, his eyes on her again, searching hers. “And I’m going to talk to him, Willow. About us.”

“ Us ?” she echoed softly, shocked.

“I know he’ll be unhappy at first,” Jensen said, his deep voice calm and decided.

“But he loves you, so your relationship with him will survive it. And I hope mine will too. But at this point, I just don’t care.

Tonight put things in perspective for me.

I need you in my life, Willow. And if that means I have to fight for you, then so be it. ”

“But I’m a bad influence on you,” she heard herself say.

He stared at her for a moment, like he didn’t know what to say.

“What are you talking about?” he asked at last .

“You’re a good man,” she said. “You always have been. But because of me you’ve been sneaking around and all but lying. That’s not who you are, Jensen. I’m not good for you.”

“The last few days without you have made your influence on me crystal clear,” he said, his eyes flashing with passion. “And I can promise you that you’re the opposite of bad for me. Do you know what I’ve done since our date?”

She shook her head, wondering what on earth he could possibly be talking about.

“Everything you said about the radio ad,” he told her. “You changed my perspective. And it’s not just about doing voiceovers. It’s about how to look at it. And it’s about how to feel more like I’m part of this place again.”

He sat down across from her and placed his hands on the table.

“I came home years ago,” he told her. “And I told myself I could lose myself in my work in the city, and in Lara. I figured no one would notice that I’d lost a piece of myself to the military.”

She nodded slowly. She knew what he meant. The transition was hard. She suspected that the hardest part wouldn’t hit her until she’d been home a little longer. And she felt like Jensen had been through more in his time away than she had.

“Then when I wound up back here, people made allowances,” he went on. “They knew I had lost my wife and I had this tiny baby. It made sense that I wasn’t out in the community like before.”

The truth of what he was saying began to occur to her and she had to swallow over the lump in her throat at the thought of this wonderful man drowning in his own loneliness.

“But the honest truth is that I holed myself up here with Henry,” he said. “I took care of him, and worked on the house, and ran trainings online, and left home as little as possible.”

He frowned and looked down at his hands, and all she wanted was to tell him it was okay. But it felt like he needed space to put together his thoughts.

“The center asking for our help with projects has been a real help for me,” he said at last, glancing up at her.

“For me too,” she agreed. “It’s easier to get out there when you have something concrete to do.”

“That’s right,” he said, nodding. “And then after you said what you did the other night, I got to thinking about what else I can do.”

She smiled at that, and wondered if he was about to tell her he had been over at the firehouse again to sign up as a volunteer.

“I got in touch with my agent,” he said. “And I told her to book me any jobs she wants. I don’t care anymore if people hear me acting silly on the radio. It’s honest work and I actually enjoy it.”

“You’re good at it,” Willow told him honestly. “It wouldn’t have been half so funny if you weren’t. And that voice…”

She trailed off, hoping he didn’t notice the blush she felt heating her cheeks.

“I also let her know I would do any local non-profit work for free,” he added. “That way I can keep giving our friends and neighbors something to brighten their day and maybe help out a little at the same time.”

“Wow, Jensen,” Willow said, blown away. “Just… wow.”

“I’ll still be working from home,” he said. “I set up a soundproof space in my office. But when I go out, I’ll have a pretty good conversation starter with people, I figure.”

“Definitely,” Willow said, smiling.

“It’s a good gig for a single dad with a toddler,” he said. “And it’s all because of you.”

His humble smile made her heart melt like chocolate and marshmallow over a campfire.

“What do you think?” he asked her, his expression so tender.

“I think it’s wonderful,” she told him honestly. “And it’s not because of me. But I’m glad our talk helped you decide to do it.”

“You inspired me, Willow,” he said, his voice growing husky.

“After I lost Lara, I was afraid to put myself out there, in any way. I didn’t want to get hurt again.

But you’ve made me realize that putting myself out there is the only way I’m ever going to be truly happy.

I was living in a shadow, and you pulled me back into the sun. ”

She felt her cheeks burning now, but she kept gazing into his beautiful gray eyes.

“What do you think about me talking to Ransom?” he asked.

She knew she should say no, but when she looked around for reasons, she found that they were falling by the wayside faster than she could think of them .

“We can’t sneak around anymore,” she said softly.

“That’s why I’ll talk to him,” he agreed, his eyes solemn.

“And if he’s upset?” she asked.

“What do you think?” Jensen asked.

She almost lost herself in that warm, gray gaze. She had always loved the way he stopped to focus on her. No one else in her life had ever listened to her like that.

But then she thought of her big brother, who had always protected and loved her, and tried to stand in for the father figure they didn’t have.

She pictured him on his own in the A-frame cabin with those two precious children, trying to adjust to life back home under such challenging circumstances, and she knew she couldn’t make his life harder than it already was.

“If Ransom says no, the answer is no,” she said, her voice bell-clear in spite of how shaky she felt.

There was pain in Jensen’s eyes, but only for a moment. Then he smiled at her and nodded, and she felt like she could survive anything, do anything for him to smile at her like this again.

“Agreed,” he said.

His eyes moved to her lips, and she felt a shiver of anticipation slide down her spine.

“We’ll just have to avoid each other until Christmas,” she said, wrenching her eyes from his. “It’s only a few days. And it’ll be easier that way.”

“Agreed,” he chuckled. “It’s the only way.”

She chanced a glance up at him and found him smiling at her warmly again.

“Eat up,” he told her, rising from the table to grab his own meal. “We’ve got to get you back on the road before too much snow falls.”

“Thank you,” she said, picking up a sandwich half and almost moaning when the cheese stretched out between the pieces.

“Oh, wow,” Jensen said.

“What?” she asked, looking up to see that he had raised the curtain to look out the window.

She was on her feet instantly and moving to his side.

Out the window snow was falling so fast and hard that she couldn’t even see the trees that framed the house.

“I wonder if the road is already covered,” she worried out loud, jogging out to the living room to look out the front window, even though she was pretty sure she knew what she was going to see.

She could hear Jensen’s footsteps behind her and hear his intake of breath when she pulled the curtain back.

Her car was nothing but a hill of snow. And the driveway and the road beyond it had completely disappeared.